Tag Archives: woods

Have You Ever… Been Macho!?

The rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have you ever?!

1. Have you ever barbecued a big slab of meat?
2. Have you ever camped in the woods?
3. Have you ever climbed to the top of a mountain?
4. Have you ever bench pressed 200 pounds?
5. Have you ever ordered a scotch on the rocks?
6. Have you ever smoked a cigar?
7. Have you ever played rugby?
8. Have you ever repaired a car?
9. Have you ever used tools for home repairs?
10. Have you ever engaged in fisticuffs?
11. Have you ever eaten an entire habanero pepper?
12. Have you ever gone all in at a game of poker?
13. Have you ever grown a full beard?
14. Have you ever served in the military?
15. Have you ever practiced martial arts?
16. Have you ever driven a motorcycle?
17. Have you ever gone deep sea fishing?
18. Have you ever built a fire?
19. Have you ever rung the bell with a hammer at the fair’s strong man contest?
20. Have you ever had a hairy chest?
21. Have you ever gone skydiving?
22. Have you ever opened a bottle with your teeth?
23. Have you ever fired a gun?
24. Have you ever chopped wood?
25. Have you ever wrassled a bear?

Tell us your total in comments and lets find out… ¿quien es mas macho?


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Finding The Perfect Fry

Once upon a time my favorite food was the french fry. When I was a kid, if we went to a fast food restaurant, my go-to meal would be two large fries and a chocolate shake (yikes). Back then, fries were delicious, greasy and salty. Nothing like the “healthier” fries of today (which are hard, dry and tasteless). Why they are trying to make fries “healthier” is a mystery to me. If I wanted to eat something nutritious, it wouldn’t be french fries in the first place.

After eating a few too many dud spuds, I decided to see if there were any good fries out there.
What follows is my quest for the perfect fry.

McDonald’s – Not bad. Not great. They’re best if they’re fresh from the fryer. And you have to eat them before they become cold and hard.

Jack in the Box – They taste almost exactly like McDonald’s.

Burger King – Too crisp, too dry.

Wendy’s – “Natural cut” fries. Too crispy and dry. The sea salt didn’t adhere.

Islands – They’re cut fresh daily and supposedly “cooked to perfection.”  If “perfection” means so dry the salt bounces off them, then I guess they are. I wouldn’t order them again.

T.G.I. Friday’s used to have some pretty good fries – with a yummy seasoning. But not anymore.
Pass.

Chili’s – meh.

Carl’s Junior – I need some more adjectives for “dry” and “tasteless”.

Callahan’s – We usually just go here for the beer. If I have enough to drink, I usually want some french fries. Theirs are okay. But only if they’re fresh from the fryer. The cajun spice helps.

Applebee’s – Maybe the best of the bunch. Not fantastic, but not disappointing.

Arby’s – they only have the curly fries in my location (which are almost an entirely different animal, due to the seasoning), but I tried them anyway. They were greasy (which is good) but had been in the fryer a little too long (which made them too hard). I couldn’t taste the seasoning on my batch at all.

Brazen BBQ in Hillcrest – Man, were these bad. They were like the potato sticks you buy in a can from the grocery store. Sadness.

Brewski’s is a little hamburger place in my neighborhood. The burgers are good, but the fries aren’t.

Fatburger – The fat fries are pretty good. But only fresh from the fryer. You can see in the picture the shine of grease on the fry. That is always a good sign.

Five Guys – I went here with Ryan. They give you a TON of fries, which is great. And from the picture, they look nice and greasy. I was too busy yapping to remember how they tasted. I know I didn’t finish them all, but that was due to trying not too look like a pig in front of the svelte Ryan, and not because of the taste.

Red Robin – Pretty good when fresh. But not outstanding. They say the baskets of fries are “endless”, but they only put in about 5 at a time.

Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza – Dry, tasteless and disappointing. Boo.

SeaWorld – Surprisingly good. You have to eat them quickly, before the sea gulls try to swipe them.

Smashburger – These fries were horrible. So bland and dry. I didn’t even want to finish them. I threw about half of them away.

In-N-Out – Their fries are cut right in front of you, so you’d think they’d be fresh and delicious. But they’re just hard little bits of tasteless potato.

Fuddruckers fries are pretty darn good. They’re nice and soft and have a tasty seasoning on them.

Sonic – They were good. There were a few really good soggy, greasy ones in there.

As you can see, this Sonic fry passes the flaccid test.

Now that I’ve sampled so many of the fries in my area, I’ve come to the conclusion that the perfect fry no longer exists. And that french fries are no longer my favorite food. And that I need to start eating salad.

This post is dedicated to Fat Betty.

Blam!

So what french fries are good in your neck of the woods? Do you think I’ll ever eat a french fry again? Did you read this whole post? It was really long. What is your favorite food? Let me know in comments!


Have You Ever… Shat?!

Shat – past tense of shit Verb.
1. vulgar. Expel feces from the body.
2. vulgar. Soil one’s clothes as a result of expelling feces accidentally.

The rules to Have You Ever?! are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever shat in a toilet?
2. Have you ever shat because you were scared?
3. Have you ever shat while reading?
4. Have you ever shat while sending a text message?
5. Have you ever shat while talking on the telephone?
6. Have you ever shat while surfing the Internet?
7. Have you ever shat while watching TV?
8. Have you ever shat while tweeting?
9. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in your own home?
10. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in someone else’s home?
11. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in a public restroom?
12. Have you ever shat on the side of the road?
13. Have you ever shat in a porta-potty?
14. Have you ever shat in an outhouse?
15. Have you ever shat in the woods?
16. Have you ever shat in your pants by accident?
17. Have you ever shat your pants because you couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough?
18. Have you ever shat your pants while driving?
19. Have you ever shat into your hand?
20. Have you ever shat in a shower or bathtub?
21. Have you ever shat in a brown paper bag with the intent to light it on fire on someone’s doorstep?
22. Have you ever shat during sex?
23. Have you ever shat while receiving or performing fellatio (or cunnilingus) on the toilet?
24. Have you ever shat while having sex on the toilet?
25. Have you ever shat onto someone else?

Now go take a shit, wipe, pull up your pants, wash your hands, come back to the computer, and then tell us your total in the comments!


Those Were The Good Old Days…

Every day when I was young (and wasn’t at school) we’d eat lunch at 11am.

We’d watch The Price Is Right.

It was glorious!  But then at 12:30, my mother would force my brother and I to go outside and play!

We’d bitch and complain.  Sometimes we’d cry.  Being outside was awful!  There were no television outside!
No video games! But my mother would ignore us.  Cuz it was time for “her show” (Days of our Lives).

Once we were resigned to the fact that we’d be stuck outside until 2:00,
we would do a variety of things to pass the time.

Sometimes we’d hang out in my tree house.  Please note that my tree house was way crappier than this one.

Sometimes we’d play in the stream behind our house.

Sometimes we’d ride big wheels down hill in our backyard and try to avoid all the trees.

Sometimes we’d build forts in the woods.

Sometime we’d beat each other with sticks until one of us cried,
and then spend the rest of the time begging the crier not to tattle.

Sometimes we’d shoot arrows straight up into the air and run away
as fast as we could before it fell back to Earth and stabbed one of us to death.

But most of the time, we’d just get filthy and wet.  Then at 2:00, my mom would yell at us and make us
take baths before we resumed our indoor afternoon of television and video games.

Awww those were the good old days.  Then I got old and everything went to shit.

Tell me one of your childhood memories in the comments!

Inside the C&R Studio

Have you ever daydreamed about being a famous star? Money, adulation, magazine covers, swag, critical acclaim, limos, red carpets, awards, casting couches, stalkers, plastic surgery, paparazzi, rehab – it all sounds so glamorous! But all this means nothing unless you’re invited to appear on Inside the Actor’s Studio. Well, just in case you hit it big and have to face James Lipton and his enormous stack of blue index cards, you should be prepared. So I asked you to answer the questions* that are always asked at the end of the show. Here are your answers:

*The questionnaire concept was originated by French personality Bernard Pivot, after the Proust questionnaire.

What is your favorite word?

Tam: Passel
Mark: Anthrax (love the syllables)
David G.: Door. I couldn’t possibly tell you why.
Polt: Eighteen…cause then, all the boys are legal  : ).
Craig: Nevertheless
Jere: Petunia
Mel: Most days it’s “fuck”.
Adam: Chuckle
Michelle M.: Silver
John: Cookie
VUBOQ: Martini
Mikey: Dinner
Nathan: Loquacious
FDot: Flibbertigibbet
Enrico: Arboretic
The Kid: Disrupting or fabulous
Paul: Hello
Ryan: Superfluous

What is your least favorite word?

Tam: The c-word. Can’t write it. HATE IT.
Mark: like (when not used as a verb)
David G.: Urinal. I can’t even type it without feeling icky.
Polt: I dont know sweetie…work? Boss? Gone? Yeah, Gone may be it, not for the word itself so much, but for what it can entail.
Craig: Macabre
Jere: Labia
Mel: Monetize
Adam: The r-word
Michelle M.: Ma’am
John: Familiarity
VUBOQ: Ironical
Mikey: Exercise
Nathan: lol
FDot: maybe
Enrico: The three-letter f word
The Kid: Moist
Paul: Discharge
Ryan: Marketable

What turns you on?

Tam: Humour
Mark: Intelligence
David G.: A really good kiss.
Polt: Younger guys. Asians. Hairthings. Younger Asian guys with hairthings! Oh, and Craiggers in a purple speedo. (did you really need to ask me this question?)  : )
Craig: Chest hair
Jere: Feeling sexy in someone else’s eyes.
Mel: Nice eyes
Adam: Laughter
Michelle M.: A sense of humor
John: Intelligence (and a hot ass).
VUBOQ: This may be weird, but the smell of some soaps on guys. Colognes, not so much.
Mikey: Honesty and a sense of humor
Nathan: Suits
FDot: Chocolate
Enrico: Intelligence
The Kid: A man in a suit
Paul: Bondage
Ryan: Short hair

What turns you off?

Tam: Bigotry
Mark: Loud brash voices
David G.: A really bad kiss.
Polt: Attitude. Someone who thinks they are more than they are or better than they are. Yeah, that’s a deal breaker right there.
Craig: Long fingernails
Jere: Lots of things, but I’ll start with the use of any body fluid used for sexytime other than semen.
Mel: Bad breath
Adam: when I’m taken for granted.
Michelle M.: Ignorance
John: Arrogance
VUBOQ: Feet
Mikey: Liars and bad smells
Nathan: Facial hair!
FDot: Annoying people
Enrico: Close-mindedness
The Kid: Dreadlocks
Paul: Sweat dripping in my eyes
Ryan: Smart phone addiction

What sound or noise do you love?

Tam: Wind in the trees rustling the leaves (not the willows)
Mark: A sustained note on a slightly distorted electric guitar
David G: When Typo (one of my cats) meows and yawns at the same time.
Polt: Honestly, a kid laughing! Whether it’s a baby giggling or a 7 year old laughing as he chases his brother. Always makes me smile.
Craig: The woods
Jere: Wind and rain outside my window
Mel: The foghorn on our local lighthouse
Adam: Cat’s purr
Michelle M.: A beautiful piece of music
John: Baby sneezes
VUBOQ: The crunching sound made when I’m walking through fallen Autumn leaves
Mikey: Air conditioning…humming and white noisy
Nathan: Bassoon! If that’s cheating, than the noise that the wind makes when it rustles the trees.
FDot: Ocean waves at night
Enrico: Adele’s voice
The Kid: Food sizzling
Paul: Rain falling on the roof of the house
Ryan: Male vocals harmonizing well

What sound or noise do you hate?

Tam: The sound of a spoon stirring liquefied ice-cream – instant gag reflex
Mark: A child chorus, singing slightly off-key
David G.: Any (and I do mean ANY) repetitive sound. It just grates on my brain.
Polt: My alarm in the morning!
Craig: Screaming children
Jere: Saturday morning labor (lawnmowing, construction, etc., before noon)
Mel: Motorcycles drowning out the foghorn
Adam: My alarm clock
Michelle M.: My alarm clock
John: The alarm clock
VUBOQ: Cardboard being cut
Mikey: Nails on a chalkboard or fire alarms
Nathan: The bird outside my window when I’m trying to sleep.
FDot: Fingernails on a chalkboard
Enrico: The sound of a bird’s beak as it attacks my window (every morning at 5am!)
The Kid: Mosquitos buzzing
Paul: Fran Drescher
Ryan: Squishy sploochy sounds

What is your favorite curse word?

Tam: Fuck
Mark: “Oh MAN!” (Once we had our first child, Heather and I trained ourselves not to curse, and it mostly has worked.)
David G.: Fuck. It is the most versatile word in the English language, after all.
Polt: Fuck. Although if I’m around polite company, I generally just use shit. And if *I* did something stupid, then it’s a hearty “Oh fuck ME!”
Craig: God damn it!
Jere: Justin Bieber’s Hairless Scrote!
Mel: See #1
Adam: fuck
Michelle M.: f*ck!
John: Fuck
VUBOQ: fork
Mikey: tit-wank (thank you Catherine Tate)
Nathan: You Gosh Darn C***
FDot: Goddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch
Enrico: Avada Kedavra
The Kid: Firetruck
Paul: Cunt
Ryan: Bollocks

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Tam: Ballerina
Mark: Pro hockey (but I can’t even skate)
David G: Realtor.
Polt: Custom condom fitter? No seriously, if I had my pick, it would be a comic book writer.
Craig: Teacher
Jere: Playwright
Mel: Writing
Adam: I’d work for Ikea, assembling furniture for displays
Michelle M.: Billionaire
John: Artist
VUBOQ: Professional Potter
Mikey: Filmmaker…I aspire to be Christopher Nolan
Nathan: Novelist
FDot: Screenwriting
Enrico: Personal assistant to a celebrity (maybe Kina or Jojo)
The Kid: Uhh. I’m not employed, but being an astronaut would be fun.
Paul: Professional sugar daddy
Ryan: Economist

What profession would you not like to do?

Tam: Sewer cleaning
Mark: Restauranteur
David G.: Anything from the show Dirty Jobs.
Polt: Anything that makes me to physical labor outside, especially in the summer. Oh and anything involving heights!
Craig: Call center
Jere: Surgeon
Mel: Auto sales
Adam: Sales
Michelle M.: Soldier
John: Lawyer
VUBOQ: Anything to do with sewers or plumbing.
Mikey: Cess Pool serviceperson (see above re: smells)
Nathan: Anything where you just stand around and don’t actually DO anything.
FDot: Farmer
Enrico: Dentist
The Kid: Eww. A fisherman or exterminator.
Paul: Boy of professional sugar daddy
Ryan:Academic post-doc

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Tam: “Juan and Felipe have your cocktails over there on the left by the pool. Have a nice stay.”
Mark: “Meow…prrrr.”
David G.: Girl, you just barely made it.
Polt: What I’d LIKE to hear him say is, “Welcome.” But what he’ll probably say is, “Huh? You? recheck the list!” : )
Craig: “You were a nice person, welcome.”
Jere: “Look, I’m as surprised as you are that I exist, and I know I’ve got a lot to apologize for…”
Mel: “I’m awfully me-damned happy to see you. These other angels are so! fucking! boring!”
Adam: You were right all along, I don’t exist!
Michelle M.: Relax. It’s all good – come on in!
John: We’ve been waiting for you.
VUBOQ: “This way to the Martini Lounge.”
Mikey: You sure tried to piss me off, didn’t you?
Nathan: Welcome?
FDot: Your family is over there.
Enrico: “Ke$ha is waiting inside for you.”
The Kid: “Follow the white rabbit”
Paul: “Your afterlifetime supply of Entenmann’s and young power bottoms are waiting for you.”
Ryan:You weren’t nearly as selfish as you worried you were.

Need to waste some time at work? Here is a Vanity Fair Proust questionnaire you can take to see which celebrity you have the most in common with. Mine were Barbara Walters and Kirk Douglas.