Tag Archives: won

10 Reasons Why I Might Dislike You On Facebook

You can’t stop posting photos of your children

You constantly post photos of sick/sad/dying animals

You do nothing but talk about sports 24/7

Your politics are stupid

You complain constantly

You post a photo of every meal that you eat

You are constantly fishing for pity

You are constantly fishing for compliments

You are wayyyy too attractive

You are way happier than me

So what bugs you on Facebook?  (And don’t forget to follow Cocky&Rude!)


 

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It’s Your Friday Five!

This week I crowdsourced a fabulous new Friday Five for you to enjoy … check it out!

I can’t decide between Downton Abbey and Homeland so I’m picking both! So let’s just say that it’s shows everyone raves about that I’m finally seeing. Yay for being cutting edge and relevant! Downton Abbey is like Pride and Prejudice meets a juicy soap opera. Mmmm, juicy. And Homeland is so good and complicated I have no idea who I’m supposed to root for. Mmmm, rooty. Craig

For me , it’s a tie. 1), Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3 is now over, now more weekly blurbs or embarrassing weigh-in.  And 2) I FINALLY GOT THE PURPLE LINE IN THE BC&RL3  WEIGHT LOSS GRAPH!  I don’t care where I finished, getting the purple line means I won.  So there! 🙂Polt

My cool thing this week is seeing my first e-book cover with my name and the book title on it. Yes, I’ve had a couple of short stories, but the covers were generic, no names. This is the first time my name is on a specific cover. Yes, yes, there will be a few of us with the same cover for this particular series, but still – my name is right there, on his abs! Le sigh. He’s kind of pretty. So props to cover artist Reese Dante and I’m a bit thrilled to have a real cover. Fun stuff. (July 28 – buy it, make me rich!)Tam

Cute animal videos. I don’t even want to know how much time I waste watching this nonsense. If you have 17 seconds to waste, this is for you:Michelle M.

One amazing five this week has to be yesterday’s ruling about the constitutionality of parts of the odiously named Defense of Marriage Act.  The ruling doesn’t state that we lowly homos have the right to marry, but it does say that the Federal government doesn’t have the right to force the states to discriminate against us.  The ruling will undoubtedly head to the Supreme Court….and given the controversy, it will be one of the final things they rule on in the next court session.  Tune at the end of NEXT June for the results.  Until then do what I am going to do, drink a celebratory toast and get married.Mikey

That’s our Friday Five … What’s Yours?!


A Holiday Gift Extravaganza!


This week the California lottery mega millions jackpot was $116,000,000. It dawned on me that if I won, I could do some holiday shopping for my bloggy friends. So after some careful consideration I made out my ChristmasHanukkahKwanzaaWhatever list. So keep your fingers crossed that I win* and you just might find the following under your treemenorahmkekawhatever. And because there’s a slight chance I might not win, I came up with some alternative gift choices to give you.**
(Click to enlarge any of the photos)


For Tam – A luxury yacht to go island hopping and a membership to the Man of the Month club.


But if I don’t win she’ll have to settle for a toy boat and a framed photo of Polt’s ass.


For Jere – Marvel Entertainment. And I’ll throw in DC for good measure. Maybe he can do something about a Wonder Woman movie…


If I don’t win, he’ll have to stick to lawyering, so a booze hiding law book might come in handy.


For Craig – a centipede-free mansion in San Diego, so he can hang out with me (all the time)!


But the odds aren’t good, so a can of bug spray and some ear guards will have to do.


For Paul, a starring role in the upcoming Star Trek film and one of those back end movie deals where he makes mega-bucks.


But should I not win the jackpot, an Enterprise scratching post for Whitey will have to suffice.


For Ryan, I will pay off his student loans. He will also get one of these nifty cupcake cars and a lifetime supply of gas.


But if I remain a big old loser, he’s going to have to make do with this cheery little painting.


For my darling VUBOQ, a house with a pottery studio, a fully stocked walk in closet and all the gin his liver can take.


But if I don’t win, he’s getting a sparkly shoe and a jar of olives.


Lucky Mel will finally get to make lopapeysu all day in his Iceland dream house.


Unless I lose. Then he gets ice cubes and a ball of yarn.


Heather and TwoPi both like math, which is completely crazy. So I’m going to set them up with lifetime psychiatric therapy.


But if I don’t win, they will receive Godzilla pajamas, slippers and a toy city they can take turns destroying.


Adam will also get a house in San Diego and will finally find a Lexus with a big red bow in his driveway.


If I don’t have the winning numbers, though, he’ll receive a boob mug and a copy of The Vagina Monologues.


Mikey gets a wine shop. And a cheese shop.


Unless I lose. Then he gets a box of wine and a 99 cent bag of Cheetos.


For Polt, a purple palace filled with Asians with hairthings.


If I don’t win, our favorite stalker gets a fake nose and glasses and a pair of binoculars instead.


For my favorite duo, Joshrico, I’d  buy penthouses and limos. Fame, fortune and the paparazzi are sure to follow.


But if I’m not the next lottery winner, I might be able to pay this guy to follow them around for an hour with his camera.


There’s always that one person on your list you have no idea what to get. For me, it’s M. Nico.
He’ll just have to settle for a gift card from Amazon.


Unless I don’t win. Then he gets fruitcake.


Mush gets a mansion, her own record label (I quite like the name “Mushtones”) and a kick ass tour bus so she can tour the country (and visit me, of course).


But if megamillions are not in my stars, she’ll be unwrapping Mr. Microphone.


Fdot watches a lot of movies, so he’ll need a mansion with a state of the art, luxury home theater.


If I lose, he’ll receive Jiffy pop and a DVD of the “best worst movie ever made” Troll 2. Featuring such classic scenes as the following:


Chris D. is excited by space, so I’ll send him there in his very own rocket.


If someone else wins my money he can pretend to be in orbit with these stick on ceiling stars.


David P. will get the VIP treatment with front row seats to any play/musical in the world. Free meals at any restaurant included.


Life does not always (or ever!) go my way though, so David can put on his own shows with these nifty finger puppets and afterward have dinner at McDonald’s.


Justin loves maple. So he will get one of those fancy million dollar log cabins in the middle of a maple tree forest.


Unless my numbers are off. Then he gets a bottle of imitation maple syrup.


I would pay all of john’s bills and buy him a house and an art gallery so he could quit his stupid job and concentrate on his art.


If I don’t win, a big bag of rabbit chow is just the ticket.


I would buy the Kid the Pittsburgh Penguins.


Or a Sidney Crosby bobblehead (if I’m doomed to a life as a non millionaire).


David G. is getting a first class ticket to Hollywood and his own studio. Those zombie screenplays of his will finally be up on the silver screen for me to enjoy.

But should I lose, here’s a t-shirt.


Nathan will get a private jet to fly him around the world.


Or this book of paper airplanes. Not winning the lottery sucks.


Ty will get that $250,000 Jeopardy money he should have gotten in the tournament of Champions.


But if I don’t win, a ceramic Dalmatian from the Old School Wheel of Fortune is just as good.


Mr. Sombrero already has Adam, so obviously he doesn’t need anything else.


I do have a lot of peanut butter left over from the taste test, though…

If I forgot anyone, let me know in the comments, and I’ll find a regift in the garage for you.

So, hopefully, I will be the next megamillionaire, but know that if I’m not I’ll be wishing you all health, love and happiness in the New Year and always.

*It might help if I bought a lottery ticket.
**Just kidding, I’m not getting you anything at all.

Have You Ever … Gambled?!

Gambling is the wagering of money or something of material value (referred to as “the stakes”) on an event with an uncertain outcome with the primary intent of winning additional money and/or material goods. Are you a ramblin’ gamblin’ man (or woman)? Let’s find out!

You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever legally gambled?
2. Have you ever illegally gambled?
3. Have you ever purchased a lottery ticket?
4. Have you ever played bingo?
5. Have you ever participated in an office gambling pool? (lottery tickets, sports betting, etc.)
6. Have you ever bet on sports?
7. Have you ever bet on horse races?
8. Have you ever bet on dog races?
9. Have you ever bet on non-sports entertainment? (Oscars, American Idol, etc.)
10. Have you ever gambled on a tile game? (Mahjong, dominos, etc.)
11. Have you ever gambled at a casino?
12. Have you ever gambled at an Indian casino?
13. Have you ever gambled on a cruise ship or party boat?
14. Have you ever gambled online?
15. Have you ever played a table game at a casino?
16. Have you ever played an electronic gaming machine at a casino? (slot machine, video poker, etc.)
17. Have you ever played a random number ticket game a casino? (Keno, simulated racing, etc.)
18. Have you ever counted cards?
19. Have you ever used a bookie?
20. Have you ever lost more than $1000 while gambling?
21. Have you ever won more than $1000 while gambling?
22. Have you ever won more than $10,000 while gambling?
23. Have you ever gotten in trouble for gambling? (police, Mafia, etc.)
24. Have you ever had or been suspected of having a gambling addiction?
25. Have you ever stolen money to fuel your gambling habit or gambling debt?

Ante up and tell us your total in the comments!

Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER

C&R Fight Club Round 2: Mel vs. Mr. Sombrero vs. Mikey!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Mel, Mr. Sombrero & Mikey!

On June 18th, Mel faced off against a fearsome duo: Raggedy Ann and Andy.  But in the end, Mel didn’t even have to raise one of his sharp knitting needles before those silly rag dolls, Raggedy Ann & Andy, crumpled to the ground and died.  Mel won with a very impressive 98% of the popular vote.

Excuse me? Me against the soft city boys? Not only do I come from a land where killing things is considered de rigueur, I live in a state where everyone – and I mean everyone – looks like a no-nonsense bulldyke. And when I say I cut bitches for a living, I mean that in the most literal sense. Scalpel in one hand and a syringe full of euthanasia solution in the other, I will seriously fuck these two over. -Mel

Mr. Sombrero claimed victory in his battle with a Confederate flag wielding, Sarah Palin loving, Redneck Border Patrolman.  With the help of his trusty burro and a bad case of Montezuma’s revenge, Mr. Sombrero won his fight with 99% of the popular vote.

En mi primero battle, I tore open the borders de Mexico to defeat that estúpido Redneck Border Patrolman.  And now you expect me to be afraid of a Mel, a man who fights dolls?  Or Mikey?  I can watch web videos faster than Speedy Gonzales!  Those two gringos are no match for me!  I will destroy them with my mustache tied behind my back!  ¡Ay, caramba y yo quiero Taco Bell! -Mr. Sombrero

C&R pitted our favorite Friday blogger, Mikey against the former heavyweight champion of the world: Mike Tyson.  But Tyson’s fight experience, rape conviction, face tattoo and an expertise in pigeon breeding were no match for Mikey’s love of cheese balls and web videos.  Mikey claimed an easy victory with 90% of the popular vote.

I’ve been around longer than Mr. Sombrero and I have heard from reliable sources that he smells bad.  Mel lives in Maine, which is barely a state these days.  I will triumph on the basis of proximity to greatness and clean-scentedness.  I call upon all of you vote for the only reasonable option. -Mikey


Who will win in the battle of  Paul vs. VUBOQ vs. FDot?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M., Mikey, Mr. Sombrero & Mel for your assistance with this post!