Were you bored to shit after reading my Montreal Vacation: Part 1 post yesterday? Then you’re crap outa luck!
Cuz here’s part 2. Bam! In the face!
Between Part 1 and Part 2, my arm grew back. BUT NOT FOR LONG! Because this paper tiger bit it the fuck off again. Montreal was not a lucky place for arms, lemme tell ya.
Wondering where I managed to find a big paper tiger? It was at the Montreal Botanical Gardens Chinese Lantern exhibit. This is the 19th edition of The Magic of Lanterns at the Chinese Garden. This year’s theme pays tribute to China’s first Emperor, Qin Shi Huangdi and his impressive cavalry.
The Chinese architecture is beeeeeeutiful!
This banzai tree (part of the banzai garden in the Japanese Garden) is 270 years old!
That’s almost twice as old as Polt! Holy CRAP that’s old!
After the Botanical Gardens, Mr. Sombrero and I went to the Montreal Insectarium.
Here’s a photo of two beetles do’n it.
People eat that? Eww! Gross!
… I was talking about the chocolate …
Cuz I’m an ultra vegetarian. Right … I was talking about the chocolate.
The next day we took a day trip to Quebec City. It’s a wonder we made it there, because I have no idea what the hell a white line next to a stop light means.
Old Quebec City is the only walled city in North America and is is the capital of the Canadian province of Quebec.
The city’s most famous landmark is the Château Frontenac, a hotel which dominates the skyline.
Here I am, standing in front of it and looking like a dumbass.
And here I am pretending that I’m looking at something exciting.
Here’s the two of us pretending that we’re cute.*
Here’s a sign that discourages Michael Jackson from tossing his baby over a ledge.
The next day we explored more of Montreal’s parks, tourist traps and strip clubs. Here’s a friendly white squirrel that I found at a La Fontaine Park.
Montreal is a very clean city — thanks to these amazing Gonzo-nosed golf cart vacuums.
Mr. Sombrero sampled some of the local artisan ice cream in a homemade cone.
Is this NOT the cutest photo you’ve EVER seen??
And then we went home to the boring United States of America. Within 3 days, we both came down with upper respiratory infections. Woohoo!
*We don’t actually have to pretend — we know that we’re cute.
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Full Name: Thomas Jeffrey Hanks
Date of Birth: July 9, 1956 (age 54)
Place of Birth: Concord, California, U.S.
Current Residence: Beverly Hills, California, U.S.
Relationship Status: Married to Rita Wilson (1988–present)
Children: Colin, Elizabeth, Chester, Truman
Occupation: Actor, producer, director, voice over artist, writer, speaker
Top Grossing Projects: Hanks is ranked the highest all time box office star with over $3.639 billion total box office gross, an average of $107 million per film. He has been involved with seventeen films that grossed over $100 million at the worldwide box office. The highest grossing film he has starred in is 2010’s Toy Story 3.
Political Affiliation: Democrat
Famous Role: Andrew Beckett in Philadelphia, the title role in Forrest Gump, Commander James A. Lovell in Apollo 13, Captain John H. Miller in Saving Private Ryan, Joe Fox in You’ve Got Mail, Chuck Noland in Cast Away, and voicing the character Woody in the Toy Story series.
Favorite curse word: “Horseshit, not bullshit, that is a very different word, horseshit is a very specific thing”
It’s no exaggeration to say that Tom Hanks is one of the most famous men in Hollywood. As an actor, producer, director, writer, voice-over artist and speaker, his film projects have grossed over 3.639 billion dollars. The quintessential nice guy has been nominated five times for an Oscar, and has won twice. Hanks has also distinguished himself from other megastars by staying in the spotlight but out of the tabloids, with a stable off-screen life with his actor wife, Rita Wilson, and their children. Hanks’ secret weapons include kindness, Oscar beatings, a group of powerful friends (including Stephen Spielberg and Ron Howard), prop guns from Saving Private Ryan, exceptional foot speed (see: Forrest Gump) and the ghost of Abraham Lincoln (a distant relative).
AKA / Alias: Tim, Flinker, Big Pimpin’ Flink
Date of Birth: 4/30/1973 (A Monday, meaning I’m fair of face)
Place of Birth: St. Vincent’s Hospital, Greenwich Village, NYC (now closed)
Current Residence: Mamaroneck, NY
Relationship Status: Involuntarily Single
Occupation: Certified English and Special Education Teacher; Taxi Dispatcher; Wit and Raconteur
Salary: Far less than is currently needed to sustain my Vanderbilt levels of spending.
Height & Weight: 6 Feet 0 Inches; 188lbs and dropping
Hobbies: Movies, Lamenting the lack of romance in my life, Pointing out the faults of others. Breathing, Air Hockey
Favorite Movies:The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Clue, Annie Hall, Laura, Safety Last, Le Fils, Hellphone
Top Grossing Projects: $50 on that scratch-off lottery ticket. Stoners was accepted into a few film festivals.
Political Affiliation: Registered Independent
Famous Role: I appeared as ‘Flinker’ in the Documentary, Stoners
Famous Catch Phrases: “Don’t fuck with Flink” “Sorry, you can’t pass. Next time, try actually doing some work.”
Secret Weapons: The power to charm others with my innocence and naivete. The power to self-preserve myself over others.
Fan Favorite, FDot, is a worthy opponent for Tom Hanks. Here’s his story, in his own words: “Found abandoned in a hallway of a Greenwich Village hospital, I was raised by the Mole People of NYC until I was 6. Sent out on a quest to gather scraps of food from high end restaurants, I was discovered by a middle-aged couple and taken to live in the suburbs. The rest of my formative years were spent in Catholic grammar and high schools. I entered the teaching profession as a way to hang on to my youth, a youth that keeps me looking much younger than my physical age. My days are spent hanging up on telemarketers while my nights are spent looking for a social life. I once ran over a squirrel with my car. I enjoy listening to music with the sound turned off. I believe in unexplained phenomena and the spirit world, as some spirits owe me money. I have been known on occasion to eat food, especially if someone else is paying. Mostly, I stay quiet in the background and observe, waiting for the perfect moment to arrive.” FDot’s secret weapons include: “the power to charm others with my innocence and naivete and the power to self-preserve myself over others.”
Who will win in the battle of Fan Favorite vs. Fan Favorite? Both contestants are the beloved by the world … but there can only be one winner. Will Hanks drop his nice-guy persona and smash FDot over the head with one of his Oscars? Or will FDot blind Hanks with the burning glow of his innocence before sneaking in for the kill? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want.That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to FDot & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
Adam steadfastly did not want me to post about this, but I really don’t give a crap. If I blogged about all the things Adam didn’t want me to blog about, I would never be at a loss for ideas. I also would not have to open some posts with the dreaded line “I didn’t know what else to post about…”
In 1946, Salvador Dali teamed up with Walt Disney to bring his already vivid art to life in the form of a cartoon. The collaboration was not officially completed for 58 years, but it was well worth the wait. When a friend told me about the clip, I was appalled. I’ve always adored the artwork of Dali and the idea of him illustrating a fuzzy singing squirrel or floppy bunny made me upset. In reality, Dali’s style holds true and truly mesmerizes. You can see hints of most of his most recognizable work throughout the piece, but not cartoonified. The result is eerie, haunting, and undoubtedly surreal. I hope you enjoy it.