Tag Archives: smile

A Holiday Glee-cap

I’m fairly certain that Michelle M., Craig and myself are the only ones that still watch Glee.  So instead of accepting that you’ve given up on the series, I’ve decided to cram the crap-fest down your unwelcoming throats!  Behold, the highlights of last week’s Holiday episode:



It’s a C&R Dance Party!

Forget the CD Exchange (if I don’t participate, it doesn’t exist) let’s have a music exchange right here at Cocky & Rude!  Each time we have a C&R Dance Party, I’ll name a theme for the day and you’ll post your responses in the form of a YouTube video in the comments.  And don’t forget to dance!

Today’s Theme Is: A Favorite Song From Your Childhood! 
Link us to a YouTube video in the comments and tell us why it’s your favorite.
Feel free to answer more than once!

One of my favorite bands growing up was They Might Be Giants.  The first time I heard this song, I was at a Boy Scout sleep-over camp (probably feeling miserable because I hated being in the Boy Scouts).  The song is a hoot, and always brings a smile to my face.  Here’s They Might Be Giants’ Particle Man, by way of Tiny Toon Adventures:

Now it’s your turn!

(And by the way, if your video doesn’t post in the comments correctly, FEAR NOT! 
I’ll fix it as soon as I get a chance)

Sports are Stupid! Here’s 50 Things To Do Instead of Watching the Super Bowl…

1. Clip your toenails.
2. Organize your grocery store coupons.
3. Admire Polt’s ass.
4. Twiddle your thumbs.
5. Stare at the wall.

6. Watch the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.
7. Read a book.
8. Watch The Notebook to balance out the world.
9. Organize a box of Fruit Loops by color.
10. Call all your butch friends who are watching the Super Bowl, just to chat.

11. Roll pennies.
12. Watch paint dry.
13. Clean out your closet.
14. Stuff everything that you took out of your closet into another closet.
15. Alphabetize your DVDs.

16. Comb your back hair.
17. Go shopping.
18. Clean out your refrigerator.
19. Replace the batteries in your smoke detectors.
20. Clean the dead bugs out of your ceiling lamps.

21. Make sure that everything hanging in your home is perfectly level.
22. Tweeze your eyebrows.
23. Catch up on Glee.
24. Look up naked women on the Internet and ponder why vaginas are just so damn disgusting.
25. Actually read one of those m/m short stories that Tam is always reviewing.

26. Masturbate.
27. Watch grass grow.
28. Play solitaire.
29. Add hundreds of pointless life events to your Facebook timeline.
30. Organize your porn.

31. Prune your pubes.
32. Microwave random things until they explode.
33. Perfect a foreign accent.
34. Plot world domination.
35. Perform an interpretive dance of LMFAO‘s I’m Sexy and I Know It.

36. Bake and decorate a cake.
37. Plan your future wedding.
38. Go grocery shopping (the store will be EMPTY).
39. Re-read every C&R post and comment on all of them.
40. Actually visit Our T.V. Night (because no one ever does).

41. Build a sex machine.
42. Nap.
43. Compose a C&R guest post and email it to Adam.
44. Learn the beautiful art of flower arraigning.
45. Drink alcohol until you pass out.

46. Lick the black mold that’s growing on your bathroom wall.
47. Clean your house.
48. Exercise.
49. Go see a movie.
50. Dream up 50 more things that you could do instead of watching the Super Bowl.

Special thanks to Mikey and Craig for their assistance with this post.

What does Craig do instead of blogging?

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(Craig’s last blog post was July 18th.  What a lazy piece of shit!)

2 Atheists Give Up Stuff For Lent

The boys of Cocky & Rude love the lead up to Zombie Jesus Day a lot. Adam gets to eat all the vegan candy he can find and Mikey gets to make fun of Adam for eating vegan candy, which sounds just plain gross. We also get to talk about all the stuff that we are going to give up for Lent. We have no idea why we or anyone are supposed to give stuff up for the period between Mardi Gras and ZJD, but they do. Here is what we are giving up this year.

Adam: I’m not going to Be (Fake) Nice To My Coworkers anymore. No more polite smiles. And I will no longer bite my tongue and listen to you babble about the weather.

Mikey: I’m not going to Tell People I’m Giving Up Catholicism for Lent. I never really had it and frankly the joke has gotten tired.

Adam: I’m going to give up Weight Loss. It’s overrated, I’m happier when I’m fat, and you people already kicked me out of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2.

Mikey: I’m not going to Say that I’m Fat. It might be horribly true, but I’m not going to tell anyone how super sized I have become or how few of my clothes fit me.

Adam: I’m also giving up Being Nice To People. It takes too much effort and it’s easier to be rude. Plus when I’m rude to people, it’s free advertising for Cocky & Rude.

Mikey: I’m not going to Apologize to People I Bump Into on the Subway. When I do, they look at me like my apology is the offensive part.

Adam: No more Being A Courteous Driver for me! If you’re driving too slow and I’m stuck behind you, please prepare for me to honk at you. If you’re driving stupid, I will give you the finger.

Mikey: No more Whining About How Few Comments I get. It is your own damn fault that you are missing an opportunity to interact with the greatest mind of my generation. Suit yourself.

Adam: I will no longer Help Little Old Ladies Cross The Street. Not that I’ve ever helped a little old lady before, but if I see one, I will most definitely push them to the ground and step on them.

Mikey: I am finished Helping Tourists Get Around the City. They just need to shut up, buy a map and get the hell out of my way. I’m serious. German? Get Away! Italian? Mop off the grease and get off the street.

Adam: Forget Waiting My Turn At The Supermarket! I’m now just going to mow everyone down with my shopping cart. If you’re between me and my produce, I’m going to hurt you.

Mikey: I’m not going to Stop Quoting 30 Rock all the time. The show is incredibly brilliant and the humor can not be contained. I will continue to work on my night cheese.

Adam: Street runners beware! I will no longer refrain from Rolling My Window Down And Screaming At You Like A Lady. Oh wait, I’ve never refrained from doing this. Is that weird? I scream a high pitched wail at the same large-chested man in a tight t-shirt at least once a week.

Mikey: I’m not going to Stop talking about How Amazing Cheese is. It is the best substance ever. I love chocolate lots, but cheese is the best thing that ever happened to anyone including you.

Adam: That’s it for Covering My Mouth And Nose When I Cough And Sneeze! My germs are awesome, and from now on, I’m going to share them with all of you!

Mikey: I’m not going to Wash My Clothes. I hate doing laundry and I think that the fake god wants me to not do it, so I won’t. I might smell by the end of Lent, but I’ll be happy.

Adam: I’m also giving up Watching My Language Around Children. They’re going to hear some fucking curse words somewhere, so they might as well fucking hear them from me.

Mikey: I’m not going to Stop Making Goo Goo Sounds at Dogs on the Street. I don’t care if your think it makes me sound like a crazy person or immature. Dogs are cute and deserve to know it.

Adam: No more Making Fun Of You Behind Your Back for me! Now I’m just going to make fun of you to your face. And it’s gunna be brutal.

Mikey: I’m not going to Complain to Adam about his continuing to Watch American Idol. He watches a lot more shows that I will tease him about. I bet he still watches that one about those doctors who don’t really know anything about medicine other than how to sexually harass each other in the on call room.

Now that you know what good boys we plan to be, let us know what you are going to give up this Lent. We will accept all answers as a contract between you and the Lord. (For the purposes of this blog, Cocky & Rude is the Lord).

What’s More Important Than Idol Glances?

The time has come to evaluate the talents of the American Idol, Season 10. Having read that just now, you might assume that we are going to make our rankings entirely on the vocal skills they have displayed thus far. You are wrong. Mikey has not seen a single episode of this season and has no plans to do so. And that makes him fully qualified to judge each and every one of the contestants on the most important factor: their appearance. Sit back and enjoy our totally superficial ranking of the wannabes.

12. Naima Adedapo – Where to start! The mouth is large enough to consume all of the other contestants, which might be her angle. We approve her attempt to cover her hair, but seriously….not enough. Styling emergency!

11. Rachel Zevita – This is a case of trying too hard. It looks like she’s got something growing out of her eyes. It might be a disease. We advise the other singers to stay far away from her eyes. The goofy hat and the hooker lips don’t help either.

10. Ashthon JonesWe think she added some extra consonants to her first name to match the increasing volume of her hair. This big hair thing is a highly disturbing trend in this year’s pool. Ashthhththththton is the biggest offender. We are not amused.

9. Haley ReinhartWe are thankful that Haley has mild hair. But there isn’t much helping her out. Not the kinda cherubic cheeks and not the rotundish face. Nope…..no hope.

8. Lauren TurnerHoly Crap! You see how her hair wipes out ever spare pixel of blue background? Yep…it needs to be tamed. Cuz her face just can’t compete.

7. Karen RodriguezKaren also falls under the “needs to get it ironed and trimmed,” category, but at least she has a face that is kinda cute. We say kinda cuz she’s still in the bottom six of the chicks.

6. Lauren AlainaLauren is at the exact middle, because she is completely forgettable. She looks like that girl you went to HS with, but not the girl who would have been Prom Queen. That doesn’t make a star.

5. Pia ToscanoRelatively cute and with hair under control, we think that Pia could easily rise to the top. Get rid of that cheesy smile and she might be a looker… rather than a hooker.

4. Tatynisa WilsonTatynisa does sort of have the big hair, but her face is on the adorablish side, so we kept her near the top of our rankings.

3. Julie ZorrillaIt might be her almost sultry smile. It might be the fact that we don’t want to take a pair of hedgeclippers to her hair. We don’t care. We think that Julie is one of the more attractive ladies of this year and we are rooting for her.

2. Kendra ChantelleKendra looks like that girl we went to high school with who was Prom Queen. She also looks like the guy that all the dudes wanted to bang. So she landed at number 2.

1. Thia MegiaThia is pretty, cute and she looks completely sweet. She might have made it to the top our list because we couldn’t find anything to criticize about her appearance. If she can sing, she’s got the gold.

12. Brett LoewensternHAIR EVERYWHERE. Dear god will it never end! Brett might be a ginger, but he doesn’t have to make it all we can see for days. The frizz makes his face look less attractive then it might be. Nope…cut the ginger.

11. Robbie RosenRalph Maccio might have been cute, but Robbie Rosen’s impersonation of him is not. That cheesy grin and side-part are not helping. His face will not sing its way into our hearts.

10. Clint Jun GamboaIt could be the Harry Potter glasses or it could be the way to prominent chin, but we just don’t think Clint has what it takes to get us going. Let’s hope his singing is better.  He also kinda reminds us of the Nazi guy from Indiana Jones.

9. Jovany BarretoJovany tries to use his hat to distract us from the chin that just won’t quit. It doesn’t work. In fact, it makes his slender, hawkish nose less attractive. He needs to stop.  Oh, and his tiny mouth is terrifying.

8.Casey AbramsCasey has a great smile and some seriously attractive scruff, but that’s not enough to elevate him to the level of higher ranked sexy, scruffsters. Casey does have the potential to warm our souls, but he does need overcome some serious cuties.

7. Jacob LuskJacob gives good smile and his overall look is potentially adorable, but it doesn’t scream top tier. Let’s hope he can work some magic with his vocals.

6. Jordan DorseyWe can’t lie. There is something sexy about Jordan’s smile. It is enough to make use forgive his extra-long forehead. It edged him into the top six.

5. Scotty McCreeryThis headshot doesn’t do much for Scotty. He has a certain Joseph Gordon-Levitt-esqueness about him. This rocketed him up to the top of our list. Now if only he would make out with Joseph Gordon-Levitt…

4. James DurbinDurbin needs to lose the faux-hawk, but his look remind Mikey of last year’s winner’s down-home sexiness. Let’s hope he gets a new ‘do and finds his Dewyze.

3. Tim HalperinScruffy? Check! Great Smile? Check! Cute enough eyes and nose? Check! Tim has a lot of what we are looking for in our man. Sing out his praises.

2. Stefano LangoneWe can overlook Stefano’s Jersey Shore-ness for the sake of his overall hotness. His killer smile and stunning physique make us want to get all oiled up and head to Asbury Park.

1. Paul McDonaldPaul makes our dreams come true. He is sexy, has a killer grin, and wears a beard like a second skin. If he can sing at all, we will give him our vote. Over. And Over. And Over.

Now that you know who is hot and who is not, tell us who you think stands a chance of winning this year’s contest (of looks). Please stay away from the frizzies or their hair will consume you.

Haven’t had enough of our judgments?  Check out last year’s hotness ranking of the Idol boys and girls!

(Photos Source: AmericanIdol.com)