Tag Archives: Skype

Have You Ever … With Craig?!

Craig is known round the world for his humor, puns, height, dim-wittiness and superior [tiny] cocksmanship.  And as everyone’s second favorite blogger celebrates his birthday this week, we at C&R ask you this simple question: Have You Ever… With Craig?!  Let’s find out.

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

1. Have you ever spoken on the telephone with Craig?
2. Have you ever instant messaged with Craig?
3. Have you ever Skyped (or video chatted) with Craig?
4. Have you ever text messaged with Craig?
5. Have you ever been bored with Craig?
6. Have you ever laughed with Craig?
7. Have you ever cried with Craig?
8. Have you ever been annoyed with Craig?
9. Have you ever argued with Craig?
10. Have you ever hung out with Craig?
11. Have you ever partied with Craig
12. Have you ever danced with Craig?
13. Have you ever performed karaoke with Craig?
14. Have you ever locked eyes with Craig?
15. Have you ever driven in a car with Craig?
16. Have you ever been topless with Craig?
17. Have you ever swam with Craig?
18. Have you ever compared shoulder hair with Craig?
19. Have you ever been intoxicated with Craig?
20. Have you ever traded nude photos with Craig?
21. Have you ever masturbated on a webcam with Craig?
22. Have you ever been naked with Craig?
23. Have you ever had sex with Craig?
24. Have you ever had a penis “sword fight” with Craig?
25. Have you ever committed murder with Craig?

Well?! Have you? Tell us your total in the comments!


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Have You Ever… Been Scandal-Worthy?!

There’s been a lot of scandal (both political and otherwise) on the news lately.  Of course there’s Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Dominique Strauss-Khan, but as I’m sure you’re aware — they’re hardly the first.  And we all know that they won’t be the last.  Could you be the subject of the world next big scandal?  Probably not … but let’s find out anyway.

You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever committed fraud, conspiracy, money laundering or theft?
2. Have you ever committed perjury?
3. Have you ever employed an illegal alien?
4. Have you ever cheated on your taxes?
5. Have you ever accepted bribes?
6. Have you ever been involved in illegal gambling?
7. Have you ever been involved in any sort of dog fighting or animal abuse?
8. Have you ever cheated on your significant other?
9. Have you ever gotten pregnant or impregnated someone as a result of cheating on your significant other?
10. Have you ever sat with a wide stance and tapped your foot in a public restroom to solicit sex?
11. Have you ever had an intimate encounter with a stranger in a public restroom?
12. Have you ever been forced by a scandal to out yourself as a gay American?
13. Have you ever taken nude photos of yourself?
14. Have you ever sent sexually suggestive tweets, texts, IMs or similar communications to someone?
15. Have you ever IMed, texted or tweeted dirty photos of yourself to someone else?
16. Have you ever IMed, texted or tweeted something racist, profane, or similarly controversial?
17. Have you ever had phone sex or dirty audio conversations with someone else?
18. Have you ever appeared in any state of undress or sexual arousal on Skype, Chatroulette, Manroulette, or any other web-based video communication?
19. Have you ever recorded a sex tape?
20. Have you ever had sex with a prostitute?
21. Have you ever been accused of sexual harassment in the workplace?
22. Have you ever talked about pubic hairs on your can of Coke in the workplace?
23. Have you ever inserted a cigar into someone’s vagina while at your workplace?
24. Have you ever murdered someone?
25. Have you ever raped someone?

The best thing to do right now is to get these indiscretions off your chest by telling us all your point total.  Or many not, if you ever plan to run for political office…

Silver Surfing the Internet: 10 Suggestions for Seniors with Computers

I realized a few weeks ago that from a certain spot in my parking lot, I can see my landlord’s computer screen.  I was so excited!  I couldn’t wait to see what kind of porn (girls? boys? horses? fatties? fisting?) that he was into.  But after a few weeks of spying, I’ve come to the realization that all he ever does is play solitaire.  He’s exactly like my father, and most of the other old people (40+) that I know.  The computer is simply a new way to play card games.

Old people, I’m here to help you. There are better things to do with your computer!  The Internet is a wide and wondrous place.  Here are some suggestions to get you started…

E-mail Your Friends & Family
Why?  Because it’s cheaper than a toll call! (Old people usually don’t believe that free in-network mobile phone calls are actually free.)  You’ll especially enjoy forwarding bad jokes, religious stories, hoaxes that you are convinced are real, and sharing photos with your family.  Please note that old people usually don’t attach photos to an email correctly, so receivers will never see them.

Chat With Your Family
Instead of emailing, why not just IM them?  There are a variety of options: Google Talk, AIM, Yahoo! Messenger, etc.  Each one of them is easy to use and won’t time out when you only type about one word a minute.  Where is the ‘s’ again?  I’m sure your family is patient and won’t mind that you type so slow.  Oh, and Skype is out of the question, because old people will never understand how to set up a microphone and web cam.

Catch Up On The News
You’re old, so you’re probably a Republican.  The best news site for you is FoxNews.com!  They offer a  fair and balanced version of the news that’s usually not exactly true, but true enough to get you all riled up against those damn liberals!  Your favorite person, Sarah Palin is even on the payroll!  Check daily for the latest on how heath care reform will cause you to be instantly euthanized and up-to-the-minute information about how Barack Obama was not born in the United States.

Stay On Top Of The Weather
Old people love the weather.  A chance of rain or snow is enough of a reason to stay home for days.  And when you don’t have much left to live for, it’s important to know the temperature highs and lows for the day.  Make sure to send daily emails to your kids and grandkids, reminding them to wear a coat today!

Porn, Porn & More Porn!
Old people’s penises and vajayjays are saggy and old.  They wrinkle up like prunes (which on a side-note, are great for avoiding constipation!) and drag on the ground.   Don’t get me started on wispy gray pubic hair.  It’s just disgusting.  Porn is a great way to remember how your body used to look.  And what better place to find porn than on the Internet?

It’s Hookup Time!
And why stop at porn?  The Internet is a great place for old people to find romance or just hook up with other old folks.  And with the advent of Viagra and Cialis, old guys never have to worry about under-preforming and stage fright.  eHarmony.com is great if you’re looking for romance (and they don’t let the queers in either!), but sites like AshleyMadison.com are great if you’re just looking to bang some old married people, and still make it home in time for Wheel of Fortune.

Print Out Some Coupons
The only thing better than sex is saving money.  And with websites like Coupons.com, you don’t even have to worry about hobbling with your walker to end of the driveway to pick up the newspaper anymore.  You can sit on your Duro-Med Rubber Inflatable Seat Cushion Ring and print coupons straight from the computer!  As long as you can figure out how to use that damn printer!

Google Your Favorite Subjects
You’re old, so you’re probably all about history (because you were there when it happened).  Why not Google your favorite topics?  I suggest searching for topics like “World War I” or “Back when I had a pet dinosaur.”  Or why not just use Google as an address bar?  Wanna go to FacebookSearch for “Facebook.com” or why not try searching Google for “Google.com”?  Old people LOVE to do that.

Map Your Family Tree
Old people love reconnecting and remembering their long lost relatives.  Why not use a site like Ancestry.com to map a family tree?  Or how about Classmates.com to find a few of your still-living classmates?  Both sites cost money, and for some reason, old people are surprising willing to pay for these services.  Just don’t be there a month later when the credit card bill shows up.  They’ll have that foamy pad on the telephone speaker pressed hard against their hearing aid as they scream at the credit card company representative to take the charge of their bill.

Stalk Your Family On Facebook
Facebook, you say?  That’s where I disapprovingly look at photos of my grandson Adam jamming vegetables down his pants.  He thinks it’s funny.  I think it’s disgusting!  Old people love stalking their family on Facebook.  They’d stalk their friends too, but they’re all dead.

Old people are great, and they love computers.  With this helpful list, hopefully they can make the most out of their final few years on the planet.  Do you have any suggestions of your own?  Add to my list in the comments!

Have You Ever … Done it on the Net?!

Are you upset that you didn’t win a trophy in yesterday’s Cocky Award presentation? Here’s your first chance to up your average score and take a step towards the win in 2011!

Computers. Many of us sit in front of them for many hours a day. We use them to work, to design, to create, to update and to calculate. But have you ever used your computer to facilitate your physical pleasures? Let’s find out. For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point . When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points, and post your total in the comments section.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever used a computer?
2. Have you ever looked at pornography on a computer?
3. Have you ever been sexually aroused by looking at pornography on a computer?
4. Have you ever masturbated while looking at pornography on your computer?
5. Have you ever had virtual sex in an online video game?
6. Have you ever had cybersex in a web chat room?
7. Have you ever had cybersex over instant messenger?
8. Have you ever lied about your gender or age while having cybersex?
9. Have you traded explicit text messages with someone else using a mobile device?
10. Have you ever sent an explicit photo of yourself to someone else’s mobile device?
11. Have you ever received an explicit photo of someone else on your mobile device?
12. Have you ever had audio-only sex (like phone sex) over Skype or another Internet voice service?
13. Have you ever watched someone masturbate on camera while video service (like Skype or Chatroulette)?
14. Have you ever masturbated while someone else watched you via a video service (like Skype or Chatroulette)?
15. Have you ever gone on a date with someone that you met through a social networking site (like Facebook)?
16. Have you ever gone on a date with someone that you met through a dating website (like Match.com)?
17. Have you ever gone on a date with someone that you met through a blog (like Cocky&Rude)?
18. Have you ever had sex on the first date with someone you met through a dating site or blog?
19. Have you ever entered into a relationship or married someone you met through a dating site or blog?
20. Have you ever hooked up or had anonymous sex with someone that you met through a personals site (like Craigslist)?
21. Have you ever hooked up or had anonymous sex with a group of people that you met on the Internet?
22. Have you ever hooked up or had anonymous sex with someone that you met while using a mobile application (like Grindr)?
23. Have you ever purchased sex from someone that you met on the Internet?
24. Have you ever sold sex to someone that you met on the Internet?
25. Have you ever masturbated to any of the photos or videos featured in last week’s Have You Ever?! quiz?

Now post your total points in the comments so we can all judge you!