Tag Archives: popular vote

AND THE C&R FIGHT CLUB WINNER IS…

This week we saw our two Cocky & Rude Fight Club finalists, Michelle M. and Ryan face off for the title of Cocky & Rude Fight Club Ultimate Champion.

After one thousands weeks of Cocky & Rude Fight Club…

And a grand total of 742 votes…

THE WINNER IS…

Continue reading AND THE C&R FIGHT CLUB WINNER IS…

Advertisements

C&R Fight Club Round 3: Mr. Sombrero vs. Ty vs. Ryan

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND THREE!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Three, we’ll drop three Round Two winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Mr. Sombrero, Ty & Ryan.

In his C&R Round 1 Fight, the man from south of the border, Mr. Sombrero faced off against the redneck from north of the border, a Border Patrolman.  Mr. Sombrero proved victorious when he beat the Minuteman with a stunning 98% of the popular vote.  In round 2, the señor Sombrero faced off against C&R writer Mikey and the knitting/veterinarian/superstar, Mel.  Sombrero was again victorious, trouncing the pair with a surprising 45% of the popular vote.  How will he stand up against Ty and Ryan?  Only time will tell!

So far, I’ve destroyed uno, dos, TRES opponents in this silly battle.  What makes you silly American think that I can’t defeat DOS more?  I come from Mexico, where we murder people for fun.  I will rain down on all of you with the hot sauce fiery fury of a Taco Bell restroom!  Ty?  That silly, bald American could never win at the Mexican version of Jeopardy!  In our version, we play for tacos and kill the losers.  And the winners.  And Ryan?  My churro could beat his cupcake any day of the week.  I will destroy them both with my sombrero pulled down over my eyes! ¡Ay, caramba y yo quiero Taco Bell! -Mr. Sombrero

In his C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, resident Jeopardy! genius Ty faced off against the the wheelchair-bound Stephen Hawking.  After a fierce competition, The theoretical physicist and cosmologist proved no match for man that tells federal judges what to do, when Ty trounced Hawking with 73% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, a very pale Ty faced off against the recently employed Mush and law student extraordinaire, Jere.  Ty proved that he wasn’t only good at fighting physically disabled people when he beat the two with 44% of the popular vote.  Will his pale skin and giant brain be enough to defeat Mr. Sombrero and Ryan?  Soon we’ll find out!

I didn’t sign up for this, I’m up against the head writer’s boyfriend, and — AND — even if I win, I have to face a  Wonder Woman at least 2.5 times as sassy as Lynda Carter.  In light of all that, I don’t really have the energy for smack talk.  Instead, here’s TV Guide’s summary for tonight’s episode of Whitney: “Whitney catches Alex eyeing [sic] a sightly woman and punishes him by refusing to talk to him.” YEAH!!!! -Ty

In his C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, Ryan with a Cupcake faced off against his mortal enemy, The Muffin Man.  The voice of the people was strong (and muffin-hating) as Ryan managed to earn a fantastic 99% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, Ryan faced off against blogging superstar and world celebrity, the cocky, the rude, the egomaniac: Adam … and Chris D.  And Adam won! Somehow, Ryan managed to defeat the dynamic duo with 49% of the popular vote.  Adam thinks that he may have cheated.  (He didn’t.)  Will he cupcake his way to victory against Mr. Sombrero and Ty?  We’ll find out soon enough!

Judging by his trash talk in the last round, Ty is just another nice guy. I would have thought that the milkman would have taught Ty how to stand up for himself. Meanwhile, all I have to do is take Mr. Sombrero’s hat to give him a crippling crisis of identity.


Who will win in the battle of  Mr. Sombrero vs. Ty vs. Ryan?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Mr. Sombrero, Ty & Ryan for your assistance with this post!

C&R Fight Club Round 4: Michelle M. vs. The Kid vs. FDot

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND THREE!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Three, we’ll drop three Round Two winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Michelle M., “The Kid” and FDot.

In her C&R Fight Club Round 1 fight, the queen of of the Puntabugang, Michelle M. faced off against the queen of all media, Oprah Winfrey.  In what many thought would be a difficult match, Oprah queefed all the way to an easy knockout, when Michelle M. destroyed her with 87% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, Michelle M. faced off against two worthy opponents: Captain Kirk and Polt.  With firsts of fury, Michelle M. easily trounced the two with 66% of the popular vote.  Michelle M. has recently adopted a gluten-free diet… with this help or hurt her?  And with Cooper at her side, how will she stand up against “The Kid” and FDot?

These two don’t stand a chance. I mean, c’mon, I defeated Kirk. With one arm tied behind my back. There is no way that Fdot is ready to face me in the ring – he should just stay in the kitchen where he belongs. Those chocolate chip cookies aren’t going to make themselves. As for Kristin, face it, I’m older and I have more insurance.TOWANDA!!!!

In her C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, Tam’s little princess, “The Kid” faced off again pop princess, Rebecca Black.  With the assistance of her trusty steed, Sprinkles the Pony, “The Kid” defeated Black with just 59% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, “The Kid” faced off against John and her own mother — and managed to defeat them both with 80% of the popular vote.  “The Kid” is known for her movie references, hammering the refresh button, and she’s not afraid to beat up her own mother.  But does she stand a chance against FDot and Michelle M.?

If you think adding a third person to this fight will phase me, think again. After being a thirteen man cage match in the underground back in ’97 there ain’t a chance that I’ll lose. I’m fierce and have put on over 10kilos of muscle from training with the highest class of security guards around. I’m strong, I’m tough and I’m god’s unwanted child. I plan on taking this ring by storm and not only will I tear up the competition I’ll tear out the ring, the crowd and anything that’s within the square kilometer. Just call me the Hulk because once I’m in the ring I’m ready to explode.

In his C&R Fight Club Round 1, ‘Fan Favorite‘ FDot faced off against ‘Fan Favorite’ Tom Hanks.  FDot proved that there can only be on favorite when he defeated Tom Hanks with 67% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, FDot faced off against a dynamic duo of opponents: Paul and VUBOQ.  With just 46% of the popular vote, FDot managed to defeat them both.  FDot is known for his powerful trash-talking ability and chocolate chip cookie bribery … but will that be enough to beat “The Kid” and Michelle M.?  We will soon see…

So this week I have to face off against Inch High, Private Eye and The Fetus.  No problem.  For starters, Inchy already has a platform here every Monday, so a win for her could only lead to weekly doses of gloating.  The Fetus should be disqualified as she’s not even of voting age yet. Besides, losing is good for a teenager, it builds character.  As an extra precaution, I include pictures to keep Inchy and The Fetus distracted from voting: the world’s most expensive martini, and texting!  I’d also remind the majority of the male population here that I’m single, easy, discreet and have no problem picking up the tab.

Who will win in the battle of  Michelle M. vs. “The Kid” vs. FDot?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M., “The Kid” and FDot for your assistance with this post!

C&R Fight Club Round 2: Ryan vs. Chris D. vs. Adam!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Ryan, Chris D. & Adam!


On July 28th, Ryan With A Cupcake (a.k.a. Ryan Sans Cupcake, look at those abs!) faced off against his mortal enemy: The Muffin Man.  In the battle of cupcake vs. muffin, Ryan managed to defeat his opponent with a staggering 99% of the popular vote.

Adam and Chris are going down. I’ve already crushed Adam in the Biggest Cock and Rudest Loser contest by losing more than twice as much weight as he did. As soon as the bell rings, he will piss his pants and then be too distracted trying to figure out what the puddle looks like to defend himself. Meanwhile, Chris is just too nice to win. He only won last time because Mr. Rogers out-niced his ass. Of course, the real reason to vote for me is to get me to show of the clothes I bought last weekend. -Ryan

The following week, the eternally nice Chris D. went up against the deceased nice, Mister Rogers.  But everyone’s favorite cardigan sweater-wearing nice guy was no match for Chris D.’s power of … life.  Chris D. defeated Mister Rogers with an impressive 88% of the popular vote.

I am going to beat Adam because if Adam wins, he will be dogged by rumors that this whole thing was rigged for decades.  Would you seriously want to do that to poor sweet Adam?  Vote for me, for Adam’s sake! Ryan could be a bit of a challenge.  He is more popular than me, he is probably cooler than me, and lately he’s looking quite fit… BUT I’m the underdog! And if there is one thing that we believe in, it is the ability of the quirky underdog to triumph over insurmountable odds!  So vote for me, because I am less popular, and less cool than Ryan! -Chris D.

Our final C&R Fight Club Round One match pitted Adam against the overweight, immature, spoiled, outspoken, lazy, foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, racist, sexist, anti-semitic, sociopathic, and narcissistic Eric Cartman.  In the end, all of those adjectives were no match for Adam, who defeated Eric Cartman with 84% of the popular vote. -Adam

Seriously?  This is my blog.  Do you think that Chris D. and Ryan can beat me?  Those two are nothing compared to me!  Do you hear me?  NOTHING!  My time is better spent illustrating tweets, photographing piss puddles and coming up with creative ways to use the photo of Polt’s ass in new and exciting ways.  Now vote me for.  NOW!


Who will win in the battle of  Ryan vs. Chris D. vs. Adam?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M., Ryan & Chris D. for your assistance with this post!

C&R Fight Club: Ty Defeats Mush & Jere!

After a total of 252 votes, the latest round of Cocky & Rude Fight Club Round Two has gone to everyone’s favorite Jeopardy! champion, Ty Cone!  It seems that quiz games are not the only games that Ty excels at… With just 44% of the popular vote (or 112 votes), Ty claimed victory over both Mush and Jere.  In second place was Mush, with 79 votes, or 31% of the popular vote.  And in last place was Jere, with 61 votes, or 24% of the p0pluar vote.  We mourn the loss of both Mush and Jere from our Fight Club, but welcome Ty as he advances to round three!

CONGRATULATIONS TY!

C&R Fight Club Round 2: Ty vs. Mush vs. Jere!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Ty, Mush & Jere!

Our resident Jeopardy! genius, Ty, faced off against the wheelchair-bound genius, Stephen Hawking on July 7th.  The theoretical physicist and cosmologist proved no match for man that tells federal judges what to do, when Ty trounced Hawking with 73% of the popular vote.

I didn’t watch professional wrestling as a kid, and I don’t watch professional basketball as an adult, so I’m not super familiar with the concept of trash talk.  According to my extensive Internet research, I should threaten to kill my opponents and their loved ones, impugn their paternity, and imply that I have had sexual relations with their significant others.  That seems a bit harsh.  So instead, I will say what I said to my opponents on Jeopardy!: “Good luck, suckas!!” -Ty

The following week, Michelle “Mush” Morgan faced off against Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the epic battle of Mush vs. Rock.  The Rock’s expert wrestling moves and experience hitting people with folding chairs proved useless against Mush’s fiery Mexican food farts and superior IT skills when she beat The Rock with a very close 53% of the popular vote.

Just ’cause you bitches are big, strong, strapping boys don’t mean that my old age and treachery won’t overcome! I will beat your asses! I will dominate! YOU ARE GOIN’ DOWN!!! -Mush

Jere battled the animated twosome, Tom & Jerry in his first C&R Fight Club battle.  Did the cat and mouse’s giant hammers, mouse traps, stinky cheese and presumable invincibility and immortality slow Jere down in his battle?  Nope!  He dragged the cartoons to court, sued (and kicked) their asses with a win of 95% of the popular vote.

Those queens? Please. When I’m done cock-slapping them around this fight, they’re both gonna wish they had never seen me. Let us pray the pimp’s prayer for these bitches. Lord, please pray for the soul of these pussies and guide my pimp hand and make it strooong Lord! So that they might learn a ho’s place. Amen! -Jere


Who will win in the battle of  Ty vs. Mush vs. Jere?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M., Ty, Mush & Jere for your assistance with this post!

C&R Fight Club Round 2: Mel vs. Mr. Sombrero vs. Mikey!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Mel, Mr. Sombrero & Mikey!

On June 18th, Mel faced off against a fearsome duo: Raggedy Ann and Andy.  But in the end, Mel didn’t even have to raise one of his sharp knitting needles before those silly rag dolls, Raggedy Ann & Andy, crumpled to the ground and died.  Mel won with a very impressive 98% of the popular vote.

Excuse me? Me against the soft city boys? Not only do I come from a land where killing things is considered de rigueur, I live in a state where everyone – and I mean everyone – looks like a no-nonsense bulldyke. And when I say I cut bitches for a living, I mean that in the most literal sense. Scalpel in one hand and a syringe full of euthanasia solution in the other, I will seriously fuck these two over. -Mel

Mr. Sombrero claimed victory in his battle with a Confederate flag wielding, Sarah Palin loving, Redneck Border Patrolman.  With the help of his trusty burro and a bad case of Montezuma’s revenge, Mr. Sombrero won his fight with 99% of the popular vote.

En mi primero battle, I tore open the borders de Mexico to defeat that estúpido Redneck Border Patrolman.  And now you expect me to be afraid of a Mel, a man who fights dolls?  Or Mikey?  I can watch web videos faster than Speedy Gonzales!  Those two gringos are no match for me!  I will destroy them with my mustache tied behind my back!  ¡Ay, caramba y yo quiero Taco Bell! -Mr. Sombrero

C&R pitted our favorite Friday blogger, Mikey against the former heavyweight champion of the world: Mike Tyson.  But Tyson’s fight experience, rape conviction, face tattoo and an expertise in pigeon breeding were no match for Mikey’s love of cheese balls and web videos.  Mikey claimed an easy victory with 90% of the popular vote.

I’ve been around longer than Mr. Sombrero and I have heard from reliable sources that he smells bad.  Mel lives in Maine, which is barely a state these days.  I will triumph on the basis of proximity to greatness and clean-scentedness.  I call upon all of you vote for the only reasonable option. -Mikey


Who will win in the battle of  Paul vs. VUBOQ vs. FDot?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M., Mikey, Mr. Sombrero & Mel for your assistance with this post!