Tag Archives: pass

Finding The Perfect Fry

Once upon a time my favorite food was the french fry. When I was a kid, if we went to a fast food restaurant, my go-to meal would be two large fries and a chocolate shake (yikes). Back then, fries were delicious, greasy and salty. Nothing like the “healthier” fries of today (which are hard, dry and tasteless). Why they are trying to make fries “healthier” is a mystery to me. If I wanted to eat something nutritious, it wouldn’t be french fries in the first place.

After eating a few too many dud spuds, I decided to see if there were any good fries out there.
What follows is my quest for the perfect fry.

McDonald’s – Not bad. Not great. They’re best if they’re fresh from the fryer. And you have to eat them before they become cold and hard.

Jack in the Box – They taste almost exactly like McDonald’s.

Burger King – Too crisp, too dry.

Wendy’s – “Natural cut” fries. Too crispy and dry. The sea salt didn’t adhere.

Islands – They’re cut fresh daily and supposedly “cooked to perfection.”  If “perfection” means so dry the salt bounces off them, then I guess they are. I wouldn’t order them again.

T.G.I. Friday’s used to have some pretty good fries – with a yummy seasoning. But not anymore.
Pass.

Chili’s – meh.

Carl’s Junior – I need some more adjectives for “dry” and “tasteless”.

Callahan’s – We usually just go here for the beer. If I have enough to drink, I usually want some french fries. Theirs are okay. But only if they’re fresh from the fryer. The cajun spice helps.

Applebee’s – Maybe the best of the bunch. Not fantastic, but not disappointing.

Arby’s – they only have the curly fries in my location (which are almost an entirely different animal, due to the seasoning), but I tried them anyway. They were greasy (which is good) but had been in the fryer a little too long (which made them too hard). I couldn’t taste the seasoning on my batch at all.

Brazen BBQ in Hillcrest – Man, were these bad. They were like the potato sticks you buy in a can from the grocery store. Sadness.

Brewski’s is a little hamburger place in my neighborhood. The burgers are good, but the fries aren’t.

Fatburger – The fat fries are pretty good. But only fresh from the fryer. You can see in the picture the shine of grease on the fry. That is always a good sign.

Five Guys – I went here with Ryan. They give you a TON of fries, which is great. And from the picture, they look nice and greasy. I was too busy yapping to remember how they tasted. I know I didn’t finish them all, but that was due to trying not too look like a pig in front of the svelte Ryan, and not because of the taste.

Red Robin – Pretty good when fresh. But not outstanding. They say the baskets of fries are “endless”, but they only put in about 5 at a time.

Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza – Dry, tasteless and disappointing. Boo.

SeaWorld – Surprisingly good. You have to eat them quickly, before the sea gulls try to swipe them.

Smashburger – These fries were horrible. So bland and dry. I didn’t even want to finish them. I threw about half of them away.

In-N-Out – Their fries are cut right in front of you, so you’d think they’d be fresh and delicious. But they’re just hard little bits of tasteless potato.

Fuddruckers fries are pretty darn good. They’re nice and soft and have a tasty seasoning on them.

Sonic – They were good. There were a few really good soggy, greasy ones in there.

As you can see, this Sonic fry passes the flaccid test.

Now that I’ve sampled so many of the fries in my area, I’ve come to the conclusion that the perfect fry no longer exists. And that french fries are no longer my favorite food. And that I need to start eating salad.

This post is dedicated to Fat Betty.

Blam!

So what french fries are good in your neck of the woods? Do you think I’ll ever eat a french fry again? Did you read this whole post? It was really long. What is your favorite food? Let me know in comments!


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Have You Ever … Had Poor Etiquette?!

How are you celebrating National Etiquette Week (May 14th – May 18th)?  Have you been kind to everyone in your life … even those smelly strangers?  Is your life bursting at the seams with love, respect and good manners?  Or maybe you’re a awful, nasty c-bag to everyone in your life.  Either way, we’re about to find out!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever been late?
2. Have you ever forgotten to introduce a date, friend or acquaintance to a group of new people?
3. Have you ever regifted a gift?
4. Have you ever forgotten to RSVP?
5. Have you ever taken the last bit of coffee and not made a new pot at work?
6. Have you ever commented negatively about someone on Facebook?
7. Have you ever farted in a public place?
8. Have you ever smoked a cigarette really close to non-smokers?
9. Have you ever cut in line?
10. Have you ever remained seated on public transportation when a disabled or elderly person was forced to stand?
11. Have you ever hogged a sidewalk so no one could pass you?
12. Have you ever clipped your nails (or otherwise groomed yourself) in public?
13. Have you ever engaged in excessive PDA?
14. Have you ever hit all the buttons in an elevator?
15. Have you ever let the doors close instead of holding an elevator for someone?
16. Have you ever skipped the tip at a restaurant?
17. Have you ever made a lot of noise in a quiet movie theater?
18. Have you ever left pubes, pee, poo or any other mess in or on a public toilet without cleaning it up?
19. Have you ever coughed or sneezed onto someone else?
20. Have you ever had a conversation with someone on speakerphone in a public place?
21. Have you ever used profanity in front of children in a public place?
22. Have you ever talked with your mouth full?
23. Have you ever behaved rudely at the gym? (not wiping off machines, monopolizing machines, etc.)
24. Have you ever not held the door for someone when entering or exiting a store?
25. Have you ever stared at someone’s boobs instead of their face when they were talking to you?

Tell us your total in the comments!


I Don’t Want To Hold Your Hand

According to Wikipedia, handshaking was practiced in ancient Greece as far back as the 5th century BC. And some researchers have suggested the handshake may have been introduced in the Western World by Sir Walter Raleigh during the late 16th century.

Either way, handshaking is gross and I don’t want to do it.
Just thinking about where people’s hands have been makes me cringe.

Germy!

Slimy!

Eeeew!!

Probably didn’t wash their hands!

A clammy, limp handshake is disgusting. Plus, pandemic anyone? Did you know that you are only 6 handshakes away from dying a horrible, excruciating death? Here is a chart, so it must be true.

I move that we find another way of acknowledging each other and abolish handshaking altogether. But what form of greeting should replace the handshake?

The highfive? I would still have to come into contact with a sweaty palm. No thanks.

The fistbump? Touching is still involved. Pass.

The salute? Too formal.

A curtsy? Too fancy schmancy.

A bow? Not bad – but Asian people might think I’m mocking them.

The airkiss? Too phony.

A hug? Fine for friends (or Polt), but if I don’t want to shake your hand,
I certainly don’t want to hug you.

So what does that leave?

It’s the perfect solution. It’s friendly, yet allows one to keep one’s distance.

It works for all ages – from the littleuns’…

to the tweens…

to the oldz.

All the cool kids do it.

As well as human rights leaders,

and deities.

So next time someone wants to shake your hand, avoid that moist, grimy mitt.
Lock and load and fire off those fingerguns!

To Wave or Not To Wave

I’ve been driving a Honda Fit for the better part of three years.  In that time, I’ve waved to nearly every other Honda Fit driver that I’ve passed in my travels.  In my mind, it’s a ‘camaraderie’ sort of thing. We are all driving the same car, so why not say a quick hello to each other?  A friendly passing wave, that’s all I want.  Drivers of other car makes and models do it.  Motorcycles do it … even bicyclers do it.

SO WHY WON’T THEY WAVE TO ME?

In three years, I can count on one hand how many return waves I’ve received.  My favorite was a lady about six months ago that matched my speed in the lane next to me.  With a giant smile, she emphatically waved at me and then pointed to her own car and then to mine.  Marveling at fact that we were both driving the same car she… Okay, okay — maybe that lady was crazy.  But at least she waved.

Seriously, why won’t they wave to me?  Am I detestably ugly?  Is it not obvious that we’re driving the same car?  Is the average age of a Honda Fit driver too high (and female)?  Do people just not do the ‘wave’ thing anymore?  What is it?  I’m developing a complex!  I need to know!!  Why do you think people won’t wave to me?!

And while we’re on the topic … have you ever been a car waver?  Do people ever wave back?