Tag Archives: Parking Lot

Have You Ever … At A Grocery Store?!

If you’re like me, you’re always stopping by the local grocery store to pick up a few things. I’m probably there at least twice a week. They’re wonderful places that tout a huge selection of fresh produce, meats (if you’re into that sort of thing), dairy (ditto), packaged foods, health and beauty aids, and just about anything else that you can imagine. But what have you been up to at the grocery store? We’re about to find out.

You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever worked at a grocery store?
2. Have you ever used the restroom at a grocery store?
3. Have you ever tasted food (grapes, bakery items, etc.) and not paid for it?
4. Have you ever accidentally swapped carts with another shopper?
5. Have you ever hit someone with your cart?
6. Have you ever just left your cart in the parking lot instead of returning it to a cart return or to the front of the store?
7. Have you ever realized that you didn’t have enough money to pay for your groceries at the check-out counter and had to select some items to leave out of your purchase?
8. Have you ever used an express line or self-checkout line with more than the allowed number of items?
9. Have you ever returned any items to a grocery store for a refund?
10. Have you ever purchased a big-ticket item (electronics, lawn furniture, etc.) from a grocery store?
11. Have you ever stolen something from a grocery store?
12. Have you ever broken something that required an employee to clean it up?
13. Have you ever purposefully broken or damaged merchandise at a grocery store?
14. Have you ever knocked over a display at a grocery store?
15. Have you ever consumed a meal inside a grocery store (whether or not they had a prepared food and seating area)?
16. Have you ever avoided someone that you know at a grocery store so you didn’t have to talk to them?
17. Have you ever purchased discounted merchandise at a grocery store that is nearly spoiled or expired?
18. Have you ever abandoned merchandise where it doesn’t belong at a grocery store?
19. Have you ever hid an embarrassing item (condoms, hemorrhoid cream, etc.) under other items in your cart?
20. Have you ever gotten a rain check at a grocery store?
21. Have you ever knowingly tried to use expired coupons at a grocery store?
22. Have you ever been the cause of a checkout line slow-down (Price check, unusual coupon, unreadable bar code, etc.)?
23. Have you ever yelled at a grocery store employee?
24. Have you ever asked a grocery store employee or another customer out on a date?
25. Have you ever had (any form of) sex in a grocery store?

It’s time to fess up! Tell us your total in the comments.

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Have You Ever … Had Sex?!

Sex, copulation, coupling, fornication, mating, relations, banging, screwing, shagging, hanky panky, funny business, making whoopee … and fu¢k!ng. The Kinsey Institute says that “By their late teenage years, at least 3/4 of all men and women have had intercourse, and more than 2/3 of all sexually experienced teens have had 2 or more partners.”  And since most of us have done the deed by now … today we’re going to talk about where we’ve done it.  You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever had sex?
2. Have you ever had sex in a bed?
3. Have you ever had sex in a hotel room?
4. Have you ever had sex on the floor?
5. Have you ever had sex in a kitchen?
6. Have you ever had sex in a closet?
7. Have you ever had sex in a bathroom?
8. Have you ever had sex in a basement?
9. Have you ever had sex in an attic?
10. Have you ever had sex in an office?
11. Have you ever had sex in a friend’s house?
12. Have you ever had sex in a store?
13. Have you ever had sex in a movie theater?
14. Have you ever had sex at an amusement park?
15. Have you ever had sex at a bar?
16. Have you ever had sex in a restaurant?
17. Have you ever had sex in a school?
18. Have you ever had sex in a swimming pool?
19. Have you ever had sex on a beach?
20. Have you ever had sex in a tent?
21. Have you ever had sex outside?
22. Have you ever had sex in a car?
23. Have you ever had sex on a boat?
24. Have you ever had sex on a bus?
25. Have you ever had sex in an airplane?
26. Have you ever had sex in a camper or RV?
27. Have you ever had sex on a train?
28. Have you ever had sex at a park?
29. Have you ever had sex in a parking lot?
30. Have you ever had sex in the sleeper cab of an 18-wheeler truck?

Tell us the truth.  Come all over the place clean.
Tell us your total in the comments!

A Dream of Running, Shouting, Masons & Death

I will preempt my dream-tale by swearing to you that I did not eat or drink alcohol within a couple hours of bedtime, nor did I watch Lost, Alice in Wonderland or any other Disney movies.  All I watched last night was Glee, and I went to bed shortly afterward.

My dream began in the very large parking lot of a Wawa convenience store (in real life, Wawas never have large parking lots).  I was hurrying to meet my father at a nearby location, but chose to park at Wawa and walk to him because it was easier and more convenient for me.  However, every time I put my car into the park position, I’d start to get out and my car would slowly roll.  I’d jump back in, make sure it was in park, and try again.  This happened a few times, but finally it felt like it would stay still when I used the emergency brake.  I hopped out of the car and started to jog towards where I’d meet my father.  When I was about 100 feet away, my car suddenly sped in reverse across the parking lot, nearly hitting some girl along the way, and slammed into a dumpster.

I ran to my car and was confronted by the girl.  She screamed and yelled at me, and I was annoyed that she was acting like such a bitch.  After all, my car hadn’t hit her, GET OVER IT!  She finished her bitchy scream-fest and left.  I tried to move my crumpled car, but it was jammed against the dumpster.  I decided that I’d get my dad to help me, so I left it behind to go find him.

I found him in a nearby parking deck (what’s with all the parking lots, and why couldn’t I just park there?) and as I approached him, I realized that his clothes were all tattered and hanging off of him.  He was unconcerned about his clothing and about my car, and hurried me inside of an old church-like building.

Inside, everything was covered in glossy, dark stained wood.  The place seemed old, important, and steeped in history.  My dad mumbled something that I don’t remember, and shoved me into a tiny closet or confession booth-like room.  I was confused, but trusted him.  Filling most of the small floor was a circular platform that began to rotate.  As I stood on it, I began to spin.  Through the crack around the door and around the spinning platform, there was a glowing light that became more intense as I spun faster.  After just a few seconds I stopped spinning and the light went away.

The door opened itself, and I walked out into a different room.  I was aware that I had traveled to Washington D.C.  The room was cluttered with iconography and artifacts from many different religions.  What drew my attention the most was a large checkered board in the center of the room that was covered with dozens of miniature deity figurines from every religion.

A woman startled me as she began to shout.  She was furious that I had used the “Masonic Transportation Device” because I was not a Mason.  By using it, I would throw off the configuration of the ancient device, and they would no longer be able to predict the destination of travelers.  I remember thinking that it worked like a Stargate, but just on Earth.  She was so angry and I feared that she would hurt me, so I ran from her.

Through the jungle (?) of Washington D.C. I ran, faster and faster.  As I ran, I decided that it was stupid to run from her.  I was bigger than her and I was sure that I could overpower her in a fight.  We both turned around and I started to chase her.  Suddenly I wanted nothing more but to kill her, so I grabbed a spear and hurled it into her eye.

It hit her, and she fell to the ground.  On her back, she died very quickly.  Suddenly she began to shrink, and the spear shrunk with her.  She became very small and transformed into a small frog.  The dead frog laid there before me with the tiny spear sticking out of its eye.  I looked down at it and felt disappointed and confused.

Then I woke up.