Tag Archives: pants

Have You Ever … Had Bad Business Etiquette?!

OMG!  Did you know that we missed National Business Etiquette Week?  It was June 3rd – 9th.  DAMMIT!  That’s usually the only week a year that I behave myself at work.  I guess I’ll just have to wait until next year.  Do you have good business etiquette?  Let’s find out!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever…

1. Have you ever farted loudly at work?
2. Have you ever burped loudly at work?
3. Have you ever pooped your pants at work?
4. Have you ever cursed at a coworker?
5. Have you ever been cursed at by a coworker?
6. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a coworker?
7. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a client/supplier/customer?
8. Have you ever stunk up the office with your nasty smelling food?
9. Have you ever eaten someone else’s food out of the office fridge?
10. Have you ever hogged the work microwave for 5 minutes warming up frozen food?
11. Have you ever borrowed office supplies off of a coworkers desk and not returned them?
12. Have you ever finished the office coffee and not made another pot?
13. Have you ever left the copier jammed after you jammed it?
14. Have you ever stolen office supplies from the office for home use?
15. Have you ever been reprimanded for not adhereing to the dress code at work?
16. Have you ever clogged the toilet at work and not tell anyone?
17. Have you ever snuck out of the office early and not tell anyone?
18. Have you ever used your lunch hour to interview for another job?
19. Have you ever complained about your job on facebook while at your job?
20. Have you ever physically struck a coworker?
21. Have you ever been physically struck by a coworker
22. Have you ever sexually harassed a coworker?
23. Have you ever been sexually harassed by a coworker?
24. Have you ever been sexually harassed by your boss?
25. Have you ever had sex with a coworker?

Tell us your total in the comments!


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True Confessions

Have You Ever … Peed?!

A recent study showed that “having to urinate really bad while driving is equivalent in terms of impairment to about a 0.05 blood alcohol level, according to the invaluable research done by Dr. Peter Snyder, a VP of research at Rhode Island Hospital.” My advice? Just pee! Where ever you are, just let it out! Just how creative have you been with your urination? Let’s find out!

The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever peed?
2. Have you ever peed in a public restroom?
3. Have you ever peed in the opposite gender’s bathroom?
4. Have you ever peed while taking a shower?
5. Have you ever peed into a kitchen sink?
6. Have you ever peed into a jar or bottle?
7. Have you ever peed into a cup for a drug test?
8. Have you ever peed on the side of the road?
9. Have you ever peed in a port-a-john?
10. Have you ever peed while in a moving train?
11. Have you ever peed while in an airplane?
12. Have you ever peed while in a bus?
13. Have you ever peed in pool?
14. Have you ever peed in the ocean?
15. Have you ever peed in the snow?
16. Have you ever peed onto a floor?
17. Have you ever peed in front of someone else?
18. Have you ever peed in a bed?
19. Have you ever peed in your pants?
20. Have you ever peed out of the window of a moving vehicle?
21. Have you ever peed while driving a car?
22. Have you ever peed onto someone else?
23. Have you ever peed into someone’s mouth?
24. Have you ever peed into your own mouth?
25. Have you ever peed during sex?

Tell us your total and any fun pee stories in the comments.


Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 9

Our eighth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eight weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

People say that you should never sweat the small stuff.  But sometimes it’s the little things that drive us crazy.  This week we asked each of our contestants what one (or more) ‘little things’ are that bother them.  Maybe it’s their blobby fat that hangs over their waist band, or the way that diet food always seems to taste awful.  Here’s what they said:


Tam
When you say little things, I’ll take it literally. Why are little things so fattening? It’s only a few peanuts. They’re miniature M&Ms. It’s just dried cranberries. All of them JAMMED with calories (in addition to good things). All small food should have small calories. If you eat a huge burger, big calories. Tiny cookies, tiny calories. Why are these things not logical?


Mr. Sombrero
There are few things that bother Mr Sombrero. Number one is the scale. It hasn’t moved in weeks. What the frak scale?! I thought we were in this together?! Did Adam put you up to this? [no response] Whatever. Another thing that bothers Mr Sombrero is his full length mirror. I don’t like what I’m seeing. Yes I’m talking to you mirror. Don’t give me that fat look. You know what else bothers Mr S? That kid that lost his cupcakes. Yeah that Ryan kid. Showoff. I think I’ve seen some of his cupcakes hanging around my scale. And another thing, what is up with veggie farts. I mean seriously, enough is enough. And do they have to smell like hipster’s wool hat on a hot and humid urban August afternoon? Yeah these are some of my (least) favorite things…


Ryan
I’m getting tired of tracking everything. It’s the key to my success so far, but it gets really frustrating whenever I eat something outside of my normal routine. The uncertainty of how much food something contains can make planning the rest of the day pointless. This leads me to rely mostly on whether I feel hungry, but this leads to the temptation to let myself have what I want to eat even if I shouldn’t.


Michelle M.
One of the little things I hate is being a girl and trying to lose weight. It’s hard to stay on track when you automatically put on up to 5 pounds of water weight each month. You think you’re being good and the WHAM the numbers on the scale jump up. It’s so discouraging. And craving sugar and salty snacks doesn’t help. Stupid hormones.


TwoPi
What irritates me the most is having to pay attention to the bathroom scale once a week. Bad enough having to stand on the darned thing, which naturally gives out a little creaking noise, as in “Oh my GOHD how many of you ARE there?” Then there’s a number, which is never the number I remember from when I was in high school (roughly the last time in my life I stood on a bathroom scale on a regular basis). And finally, there’s the blasted comparison of this week’s number with last week’s number. Ugh. I feel like a schoolboy who just got called in front of the class and didn’t do his homework. Bleh.


Mikey
The little things I hate are the way my shirts fit and the way that my pants fit. I feel like ALL of my shirts are too small and I float around like the pink iceberg named Fat Betty. My pants however are loose enough that I need a belt, but my belt doesn’t have a hole at the right spot….so they are constantly sagging and showing my ample rear.


Adam
A little thing that I hate?  Clothes that don’t fit.  I’ve gained some weight in the last year — and now the shirts I wore last year aren’t fitting.  Why can’t someone design clothing that grows with you?  Or maybe I should just buy every available size of shirts that I like.  That way one of ’em will always fit!  Think of all the plaid!!!


Polt
So this week we’re talking about the little things we hate. Writing these blurbs each week can be a pain, but I’ll not mention that. And I thought I’d actually have to force myself to be taking walks, but I find I enjoy them, and frankly, feel a bit guilty when I don’t take one at least every other day. No, I think what irritates me the most about this diet thing, is the lack of variety in the food I’m eating. I’m eating all the meat and veggies I want (not that I want, or even eat all that many), but after awhile, I’ve just gotten sick of steak. I’d really like to have a sub and some chips, or a big plate of steaming hot pasta and meatballs, or a huge greasy slice of pizza…but I cant. Steak and salad for me…thank you very much. Ah well, in the end it’ll be worth it, right?


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 2

Our first week is complete!  Today our contestants celebrate one week into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh!  It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Everything is easier if there’s a goal & prize in place.  This week, the contestants were invited to tell us what they will do to reward themselves when they attain their weight-loss goals.  Here’s what they said:



TwoPi
My mid-range goal is to lose 10% and be able to maintain that weight loss. I’m hoping to feel healthier, have better flexibility, and be able to see my doctor without having her recommend yet another fad diet. Most importantly, I don’t want to have to buy new clothes in larger sizes than what I currently wear. So I guess the prize I’m working toward is keeping my current wardrobe intact!



Mikey
My goal is to look hotter than this bitch on my wedding day.  I know that’s  tall order, but everyone knows I’m a bigger queen than she will ever be.  I’m on my way there, too!  Despite four events for Ty’s birthday (including one with a 24 course meal), I managed to lose weight this week.  I’m attributing it to the flop sweat that broke out due to my extreme anxiety during planning the parties!



Mr. Sombrero
My goal is to lose 11% in this round so I can fit into my old pantalones again.



Michelle M.
Like Tam, My goal is to fit back into my jeans. I have been wearing the same pair (or sweats) for I don’t know how long. I refuse to buy more in a bigger size when I have plenty of good ones in my closet.



Tam
Hmmm. I thought about goals. New clothes? Well, that could be a necessity. Books? Ha! That’s a given. So I decided for every 10 lbs I lose I shall buy myself a lovely bouquet of flowers to remind me of what I’ve achieved. And how many bouquets do I get this week? Blerg. Thanks to traveling and eating out and receptions and booze and pastries … NADA. But I’m home next week where I can get back on the wagon, really. I think I will print out a nice flower pic and paste it to my fridge when I get home. Maybe it will help. One can only hope.


Adam
When I attain my weight-loss goal, I’m going to get a tattoo. Not as extreme as that guy … just something small on my right forearm. I’ve always wanted a tattoo, and this motivation is as good as any finally man-up and get it. Oh, and maybe I’ll go back to being a vegetarian. I’ll reward myself with tattoos and cheese!  But not a tattoo of cheese.



Ryan
Whenever I reach a weight milestone, I’m rewarding myself with music. It both motivates me to stay on course with my diet and exercise and makes sure that I put thought into what music I buy. I’ve shown a few options in my photo. PS – I’m pretty sure most of this week’s weight loss was the release of excess water and glycogen from my liver that built up from the conference the weekend before we started.



Polt
So I’m supposed to talk about my “Personal Goal Prize”. Hmm, well when I win the competition, I will have lost enough weight and firmed up enough to be able to wear one of these babies! I’m not sure WHERE I’d wear it, but that’s beside the point, cause looking like that, I’m sure I’ll find no shortage of places that would WANT me to wear it! And I do hope the pouch comes in various sizes, cause I’m gonna need a bigger pouch.


And now, the week’s results:


Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our nine contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

True Confessions

Have You Ever… Shat?!

Shat – past tense of shit Verb.
1. vulgar. Expel feces from the body.
2. vulgar. Soil one’s clothes as a result of expelling feces accidentally.

The rules to Have You Ever?! are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever shat in a toilet?
2. Have you ever shat because you were scared?
3. Have you ever shat while reading?
4. Have you ever shat while sending a text message?
5. Have you ever shat while talking on the telephone?
6. Have you ever shat while surfing the Internet?
7. Have you ever shat while watching TV?
8. Have you ever shat while tweeting?
9. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in your own home?
10. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in someone else’s home?
11. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in a public restroom?
12. Have you ever shat on the side of the road?
13. Have you ever shat in a porta-potty?
14. Have you ever shat in an outhouse?
15. Have you ever shat in the woods?
16. Have you ever shat in your pants by accident?
17. Have you ever shat your pants because you couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough?
18. Have you ever shat your pants while driving?
19. Have you ever shat into your hand?
20. Have you ever shat in a shower or bathtub?
21. Have you ever shat in a brown paper bag with the intent to light it on fire on someone’s doorstep?
22. Have you ever shat during sex?
23. Have you ever shat while receiving or performing fellatio (or cunnilingus) on the toilet?
24. Have you ever shat while having sex on the toilet?
25. Have you ever shat onto someone else?

Now go take a shit, wipe, pull up your pants, wash your hands, come back to the computer, and then tell us your total in the comments!