Tag Archives: NOTHING!

Biggest C&R Loser 2013

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Welcome to the 6th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40!  This week’s theme is “MEAL PLAN” – each contestant will show you a meal that they’re particularly proud of. Do they eat this healthy at every meal, or is it a rarity? Who knows! Here’s what they had to say:


Mr. Sombrero

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This organic vegan place down the street has these awesome smoothies. This one is called “green power”. Ingredients are: pear, banana, almond butter, soy milk aaaaaand [drum role please] kale!!! It’s tastes really good, despite the fact that it looks like swamp water. I had it for breakfast couple of times this week and it’s a nice change from standards like oatmeal, yogurt or nothing.


Nathan

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I mentioned the banana smoothies I have in the morning before, but I came to the sad, pathetic realization that I’ve done very little cooking from scratch (except pasta, which isn’t very diet-y) While living in residence at teacher’s college. So I guess I have to stick with a paltry smoothie offering for this round.


Polt

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It’s a salad from a local buffet and a Diet Coke. And that’s healthy, right? The only problem is, this photo is from a few years ago. But I DO try to eat salads and healthy foods, more often than not. Well sometimes. Well, I WANT to eat healthier at times, at least. That counts, right?


Tam

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As a rule we eat pretty healthy. Most dinners are protein, vegetable, starch, lunches are usually sandwiches of some kind. We rarely have dessert but it varies from fruit to pudding to ice-cream if we have some in the freezer. I forgot I had to take a picture, so I found pictures of dinner I made Monday evening. Bulgar pilaf, pork loin, green beans and I confess I may have snuck a cruller that day, but that is the first donut I’ve had in… months.


TwoPi

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Most of my progress evaporated on Super Bowl Sunday, with its horrid temptations of beer and chili and chips and … and… (and that incredibly delicious buffalo chicken dip that Craig blogged about in 2008, back when Craig blogged.) But this week’s another week, and another opportunity to start eating right and exercising. (Bwahahaha!) Anyways, a fairly frequent meal in our house is a chicken and veggie stir fry. Lately I’ve been increasing the ratio of veggies to chicken, and cutting back on the Thai fish sauce to minimize sodium. It still tastes awesome, is easy to make, and my kids are even willing to eat a little bit of it.


Adam

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I’m so proud of the meal in this photo! It’s what I eat every day for breakfast … nothing! People say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but they can go fuck themselves. Plus the calories that I don’t eat for breakfast can be used later in the day (and I feel less guilty when I eat 10,000 cookies per day).


Michelle M.

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This meal consists of: vegetarian lentil stew (yummy!), a garden salad (with no fat Italian dressing) and a wheat roll. We had this the other night. I didn’t take a photo, but this is approximately what it looked like. Absent is the butter I put on my roll :(. The meals I cook are healthy. It’s the fact that I snack (chocolate and chips), eat late at night and don’t exercise that gets me in trouble. If I could cut all of that out, I’d be golden!


Mikey

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This is not the single healthiest meal I’ve eaten all week. I haven’t eaten very healthy at all this week. I took hot dogs, covered them with Jack Cheese and wrapped it in a pizza in honor of 30 Rock‘s finale. I stand by my choice.


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Biggest C&R Loser 2013

Biggest_CR_Loser_2013

Welcome to the 5th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40!  This week’s theme is “WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST?” —  Our contestants have  accomplished nearly an entire month of dieting.  What do they miss the most?  Foods?  Laziness?  Here’s what they had to say:


Mikey

KANT

I miss the sense of abandon I had before this all started. When I felt like getting dessert, I got dessert. Now…when I eat anything at all I have a philosophical argument with myself that would make Kant proud. The upside could be the successful publication of my treatise called the Metaphysics of Eating.


Mr. Sombrero

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I wish I was able to stick to the healthy stuff. All the stress eating, which sometimes I’m not aware it’s even taking place until I’m done, is not helping. What I miss is having time to exercise… and being lazy.


Nathan

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This month, I’ve done an excellent job of not eating any fast food. I might not have been perfect so far, but that’s something!


Polt

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So, after a month of dieting, I have to list what I miss the most. hmm, how about losing weight? I do miss doing that, since I’m not losing any. Course, if I actually tried to diet and exercise more, that may not be an issue. Nah, let me think…what do I miss most? How about my $5. God knows, the way I’m going, I’m never gonna see that money again.


Tam

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I miss mindlessly stuffing my trap without thinking about, just rating what I want because I want it. More or less. However of um going to win this damn contest I need to step up my game.


TwoPi

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I found one last candy cane this morning, stashed in a coat pocket. I saved it… and devoured it on the drive home from work. Now that they’re gone I miss them, even if they were spearmint instead of peppermint. And more generally, I miss the holidays, the weeks of planning for festive meals filled with family, fun, and comfort foods. But hey, Valentine’s Day is coming up, and our tradition is no gifts but a really nice dinner cooked at home. So that’s something to look forward to!


Adam

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I miss NOT feeling guilty before I eat cookies. And I also miss the cookie that I just ate. I want another one!


Michelle M.

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What do I miss the most? Well, since I haven’t started dieting or exercising, I would have to say, nothing :(.


A few of my favorite things

What do raindrops on roses, all edges brownie pans, schnitzel with noodles and apple bottom jeans have in common? They are not my favorite things (sorry Oprah and Maria von Trapp). I like other stuff. Here are a few of my favorite things:

My Le Crueset pitcher in Caribbean Blue. I just love the color. I got it so I can make iced tea (pouring the hot water in won’t crack it). I don’t like tea, and try as I might, cannot acquire a taste for it. But having this pitcher is an incentive to drink healthy, good for you, yucky tasting tea.

Nothing says “class” like plastic wine glasses (I also have plastic champagne glasses). We do have the crystal stuff, but who wants to hand wash a glass after enjoying their Beringer‘s zinfandel? The answer is: Not me.

Our TV trays – we use them ALL the time. Why eat at the dinner table when you can cram your face with food in front of the TV? Conversation is overrated anyway.

Butt warmers. Almost makes it worth driving a station wagon (it’s Harry’s – I will not cop to owning a station wagon).

Speaking of warm buns – croissants! Mmmm. Buttery, flaky and low calorie! Well, I’ll have to settle for two out of three.

Jasmine – this isn’t our jasmine. Ours isn’t quite as lush. But it’s blooming and smells heavenly.

Know what else smells good? Me! Because I use Elizabeth Arden‘s Green Tea perfume. It doesn’t smell like green tea, though, more like peppery lime.

Parcheesi! I love this game. Even though I haven’t played it in a million years, it’s still a favorite. Doubles, blockades, sending someone home – so much fun!

I love notebooks. I like the promise a brand new notebook holds. Maybe I’ll scribble down ideas for a post, make out a grocery list or start writing that million dollar novel – especially now that I’m participating in Craig’s Six Figure Summer (maybe he should make that Seven Figure Summer…).

See’s Milk Bordeaux candies. Did you know that See’s calls the sprinkles “chocolate rice”? You do now. Thank goodness they’re so rich or I’d be giving Fat Betty some competition.

So this is what I think of when the dog bites or the bee stings. And if you look under your chair, you will find… nothing! You get nothing! And you get nothing. Everybody gets nothing!

So what are some of your favorite things? Let me know in comments!

C&R Fight Club Round 2: Ryan vs. Chris D. vs. Adam!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Ryan, Chris D. & Adam!


On July 28th, Ryan With A Cupcake (a.k.a. Ryan Sans Cupcake, look at those abs!) faced off against his mortal enemy: The Muffin Man.  In the battle of cupcake vs. muffin, Ryan managed to defeat his opponent with a staggering 99% of the popular vote.

Adam and Chris are going down. I’ve already crushed Adam in the Biggest Cock and Rudest Loser contest by losing more than twice as much weight as he did. As soon as the bell rings, he will piss his pants and then be too distracted trying to figure out what the puddle looks like to defend himself. Meanwhile, Chris is just too nice to win. He only won last time because Mr. Rogers out-niced his ass. Of course, the real reason to vote for me is to get me to show of the clothes I bought last weekend. -Ryan

The following week, the eternally nice Chris D. went up against the deceased nice, Mister Rogers.  But everyone’s favorite cardigan sweater-wearing nice guy was no match for Chris D.’s power of … life.  Chris D. defeated Mister Rogers with an impressive 88% of the popular vote.

I am going to beat Adam because if Adam wins, he will be dogged by rumors that this whole thing was rigged for decades.  Would you seriously want to do that to poor sweet Adam?  Vote for me, for Adam’s sake! Ryan could be a bit of a challenge.  He is more popular than me, he is probably cooler than me, and lately he’s looking quite fit… BUT I’m the underdog! And if there is one thing that we believe in, it is the ability of the quirky underdog to triumph over insurmountable odds!  So vote for me, because I am less popular, and less cool than Ryan! -Chris D.

Our final C&R Fight Club Round One match pitted Adam against the overweight, immature, spoiled, outspoken, lazy, foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, racist, sexist, anti-semitic, sociopathic, and narcissistic Eric Cartman.  In the end, all of those adjectives were no match for Adam, who defeated Eric Cartman with 84% of the popular vote. -Adam

Seriously?  This is my blog.  Do you think that Chris D. and Ryan can beat me?  Those two are nothing compared to me!  Do you hear me?  NOTHING!  My time is better spent illustrating tweets, photographing piss puddles and coming up with creative ways to use the photo of Polt’s ass in new and exciting ways.  Now vote me for.  NOW!


Who will win in the battle of  Ryan vs. Chris D. vs. Adam?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M., Ryan & Chris D. for your assistance with this post!