Tag Archives: Mariah Carey

Happy Birthday Michelle M.!

Today is a very special day … it’s Michelle M.’s Birthday!
From all of your friends, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

A Limerick:

We all know her as Michelle M.
We think her to be quite the gem.
But I have been told
She’s getting quite old,
So it’s time to start calling her “ma’am.”

– Jere

Wishing you a mouth-watering birthday!
-David P.


Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people ever, Cooper’s mom and Wonder Women fan….
Michelle M.!!!! I hope you have the most awesome Birthday ever because you deserve it!!
– TJ and the doggies (Cooper’s Compadres)

Happy Birthday! From X-Heather and TwoPi

A Haiku About Michelle

The best in our books
Happy Birthday To Michelle
Hail Wonder Woman

– Kristen

Ode to Her Awesomeness
By Craig

What could one possibly say,
About the delectable Michelle M?
If she were a dessert,
She’d be la crème de la crème.

She lives in California,
All the way on the West Coast.
She’s the Cocky & Rude writer,
That us readers love the most.

She never met a head,
She couldn’t put on another body.
Don’t let her sweet looks fool you,
For her mouth is quite a potty.

With those flowing golden locks,
Like a superhero’s cape.
It begs that age old question,
Does the carpet match the drapes?

Her husband is a sexy beast,
Who likes pizza and canned beer.
There’s not a single gay around,
Who doesn’t wish that he was queer.

Wonder Woman is her idol,
And Cooper is her bird.
I don’t know who she loves most,
But Harry’s definitely in third.

So today is her birthday,
Hope she have lots of fun.
Happy Birthday Michelle M!
Congrats on turning twenty one!

Dear Michelle,
I heard it was your birthday so I wanted to send you a short note. I hope you have a wonderful day and that you don’t divorce your husband so you can marry a politician and then your ex marries a skinny little waif and then you can’t stop eating because you hate your life and you are fighting with your kids and your mother-in-law thinks you are useless and then you become the fattest woman in Westchester and then you can’t wear any of your clothes and then you feel so worried that you will eat up all your kids and then you will worry that Gene might be too small and gamey to be palatable and then your daughter hates you because you want to go skiing and she goes to her dad’s and get’s her period and then she comes back to you and whines and you are thinking “hurry up and have a baby so I can eat it.” Can I eat your cake?
Love, Fat Betty

From Mikey & Ty

Happy birthday to the most creative, talented, elfin proportioned person I know!
Happy Birthday Michelle!
Have a great day and best wishes for the coming year! -John

Ok, I know that Harry and Craiggers are gonna get real jealous here, but I got only one question for Michelle M.:

I Wonder Woman, are you my kinda woman?
Wit a back like that you fly like jets
Are you my Wonder Woman?

te quiero,
mr. sombrero

Happy Birthday Michelle M.!!! I decided to celebrate your birthday by mixing
my two favorite things: you, and my favorite albums!!! -Enrico




Breaking News

Do you remember when you could turn on the tv and see Meredith Viera talking about the best slingbacks for slinging back martinis on your vacation? I do and I’m really ready for those days back. I know I was one of those people who probably complained the loudest about the soft news infotainment industry, but I’m so freakin’ tired of hearing about who died in what order and under whose orders. Yes…the world is a better place now that the hate-filled brain of Osama bin Laden is no longer in it, but can a guy get a little less hyper-analysis of everything from how many tweets were sent at what second leading up to the official announcement and the diagrams of the bloody house where it all went down. So I am going on the offensive and forcing you to consume some soft news of my choosing.

Mariah Carey gives birth to twins
Over the weekend we got one step closer to the apocalypse. Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon (whatever that is) had twin babies. I’m sure the world is excited that annoying musicians can have babies that will grow up to be spoiled brats. I have name suggestions for the two little kids: Dumb & Dumber. Harsh? Maybe. Accurate? Yes.

Jesse’s Girl was better off
The dude who sang “Jesse’s Girl” before it was covered by Glee was arrested for being a lame ass drunk driver. He has the same hairstyle as he did back then, which is probably why he was drinking so much he thought he should take a spin around the block endangering peoples lives. Here is some advice for Mr. Springfield: if you are drunk enough to sing your own song at karaoke, you should not go near your car.

Plastic Surgery Experiment Speaks about Child
The biological ancestor of what was at one time Cher is very proud of her descendant Chaz, who was at one time known as a lesbian called Chastity. Chastity is now Chaz and Cher is now a weird mixture of human and nonhuman parts. Cher is proud, but I think she really is just expressing her faith in the modern medical science that she used to become a glowing statue and that Chaz is using to express his gender.

Are you glad I didn’t say anything about soldiers or guns or invasions? I am. I gave you three random tabloidistic news stories that should dutifully distract from the coming insanity on your tv.

Dear Santa, Please Bring Us This Crap NOW!

Mariah Carey has often screeched into all of our ears that all she wants for Christmas is “You” … but Adam and Mikey are much more materialistic.  Here at Cocky & Rude, the boys have mailed their list off to Santa and are expecting all sorts of great things under the tree in a few days.  Here’s what they asked for:

Justin Bieber – I would like to be given Justin Bieber for Christmas, so that I may hurl him from the top of a tall building.  Adam

James Franco Good lord he’s hot. Adam

Zac Effron – I need him to show Justin Bieber what his life is going to be like in a few years. Mikey

An Apple iPad – Even though I’ve long proclaimed that I hate Macs, I still want an iPad.  And I don’t want a cheap one, I want the Best one. Adam

World Peace – Because it helps to balance out all the other bad things I’m asking for. Adam

More Vegan Options In Restaurants – Seriously, I can’t eat anywhere these days! Adam

More Cheese on Everything – Cheese is the greatest food ever and it should be everywhere. Mikey

Adam to Stop Being Vegan – Because he complains about everything we all eat all the time and then I can make him some real baked goods. Mikey

A Personal Chef – For all the times that I want to eat at home, even though there will be more vegan options in restaurants (see above). Adam

To Quit My Job and Become a Personal Chef (as long as it is not a Vegan Chef) – I love to cook for others as long as it has animal fat on it. Mikey

A Worm Compost Box – Because I watched No Impact Man: The Documentary last week and that thing is cool (until it became infested with flies…). Adam

A Star Trek Transporter – Because commuting is for losers, and I want to be able to see the people I love without traveling. Adam

Want to know what else we want? Check back tomorrow for the end of our list! It’s a doozie!

The Messy Adventures of Rainbow Poo

Previously on The Messy Adventures of Rainbow Poo:

Chapter One: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV & Part V
Chapter Two: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV
Chapter Three: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII
Chapter Four: Part I
and now, Part II: