Did you hear the news?! Andy Cohen, Bravo’s Executive Vice-President of Original Programming and Development has been FIRED!* My sources say that it was something to do with his smarmy attitude, giant teeth and lazy eye. I guess that people just couldn’t stand him anymore! In his absence, the Bravo Television Network has hired ME to develop a whole new slate of reality programming for the network. And who better to star in my new reality shows, than all my friends? Behold, Bravo’s new season of shows:
Mikey’s Getting Married! – A show that follows Mikey and Jeopardy! Champion Ty as they plan their nuptials. Episodes will focus on each detail of the wedding planning process, including an episode where their Save The Date card goes through 18 revisions before it is ready to send. The first season will culminate with a wedding, and season two will be retitled: Mikey’s Ever After.
Queen of Smut – This show follows the ultimate Queen of Smut, Tam, as she explores the world of M/M Slash Fiction. Tam travels the world to create the ultimate international collection of gay smut fiction, which will be cross-promoted and published by Bravo at the end of the season. Episodes will focus on every detail of the process, including author interviews, cover shoots, behind-the-scenes negotiations and Tam’s drunken exploits in New Orleans.
The Fabulous World of Polt – Polt became a worldwide sensation when he posted a photo of his nude ass online for the world to see. But that’s hardly the (rear) end of his story! Join Polt each week as he explores his fabulous world in search of hookups, obscure Star Trek novels, purple place mats, Superman t-shirts and the ultimate prize: true love.
Michelle Wins Everything – Each week, this game show will feature multiple contestants facing off against Michelle M. in a variety of challenges. The catch? They will never win! Michelle M. is perfect in every way, and will therefore win everything. There’s only one winner in this fantastic new reality game show!
It’s Just Craig – Craig amused us for years with his popular blog, Puntabulous. But then he quit! Is that the end of the story? This new series follows our favorite has-been star, Craig, as he strives to find his new place in the world. Will he return to blogging? Will he live happily ever after with a cardboard cutout of Natalie Portman? You’ll find out in Bravo’s new series: It’s Just Craig.
Mush & Friends – In this blatant rip-off of MTV: Canada & Logo’s hit show, 1 Girl 5 Gays, Bravo’s Mush & Friends is destined to be a hit! Each week, Mush Morgan will sit down with a rotating cast of 5 guests to answer 21 questions about love, life and sex. Panelists expected to appear: Chris D., Enrico, Jere, Jeliot, Josh, Justin, Mel, Mikey, Adam, Polt, Nathan, Justin**, Ryan, VUBOQ, FDot, TwoPi, Ty and M. Nico***!
It’s A Math Math World – TwoPi, Xi_Heather and the rest of their family star in this reality show about their exciting lives in the world of math! Hopefully it’s more exciting than it sounds.
VUBOQ: Vicious Unrepentant Bitter Old Queen – This self-titled series follows VUBOQ as he makes pottery, runs marathons, travels around the country, and has sex with every letter of the alphabet.
Watch What Happens Live with Adam & Michelle – Taking over the reins from the recently terminated Andy Cohen are new co-hosts, Adam and Michelle! Who better to interview all Z-list celebrities than these amazing new Bravo personalities? NO ONE, THAT’S WHO.
Rounding out Bravo’s schedule will be the returning hits: Top Chef, Top Chef: Just Desserts, Flipping Out!, Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis, Kathy (plus celebrity guests, minus the theme song), Tabatha Takes Over, and a brand new season of the previously cancelled series, Work Out. I’m going to cancel all of the Real Housewives shows and everything else because it’s all just crap.
So what do you think? Will I succeed as the new Executive Vice President of Original Programming and Development, or will I fail? What shows will you watch? And what other shows would you love to see? Tell me all about it in the comments!
*This whole post is a lie!
**Who invited him?!
***He probably won’t show up.
On Sunday I went on a spending spree! (aka I spent more than $10!) I bought this quilt, this cover for my Kindle, some new jeans, a shirt and groceries! I’ll be broke, but at least I’ll be surrounded by beautiful things and food!
On Saturday I went to Governors Island with my friend Jen. The place was fun to explore, and there was a big arts festival going on, so the place was crawling with freaks! Super fun! We rented a tandem bike and did a couple laps around the island.
I finally got around to hanging up some stuff on the walls of my new apartment! I’ve been so lazy with the unpacking! Next goal: scrub the kitchen floor & fridge.
My landlord replaced my stove on Friday evening — the new one is black and stainless steel. It’s so perfect and clean, I’m afraid to use it.
Jen fed me hummus on Saturday, which set me off on a hummus kick! I hadn’t had it in a while … and now I can’t get enough!
The new season of Whitest Kids U’ Know started last Friday! Such a funny show! Check out this clip.
Did you watch the Tonys? I didn’t. Mikey did and he wouldn’t shut up about them.
Fuck you, BP.
Josh’s 10 Rando Tingz made me laugh.
I’m a little more than a third of the way through Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin thanks to some NJ Transit reading time.
Do you ever watch Party Down? You should, cuz it’s a great show!
I haven’t dated anyone in so long that I think I’ve forgotten how.
I’ve been drinking so much diet soda lately. If you cut me, I wouldn’t be surprised if Diet Dr Pepper squirted out.
I just took about 100 photos of Spring in a cardboard box. Is that sad?
I watched Son of Rambow yesterday. It was just alright, but it made me want to have a British accent.
What, huh? My thoughts are all jumbled and I just burped up a blog of randomness at you? It must be another Manic Monday!