Tag Archives: House

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 13

Our twelfth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate twelve weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

BC&RL3 is almost over!  What are the contestants going to do after the contest ends?  Will they continue their diets or fall back into their old ways? Here’s what they had to say…


Mr. Sombrero
Ok I barely lost any weight but this contest opened my eyes and I realized how much I suck at it an need to take this whole weight-losing seriously. Since I always cram things last minute I hope that I can lose few more pounds by the end of this competition. I have few things lying around the house that can help me do that…


TwoPi
On the advice of my physician, I’ve quit caffeine completely. Next up: joining Weight Watchers online. Charles Barkley says I need to “learn to lose like a man”; I’m guessing he lost a bet or something, based on the photo above. Will WW push my weight loss past the 10% goal I set at the start of BC&RL3? Time will tell. I do know that I won’t end up looking like this photo though — Sir Charles has much better legs than I do.


Tam
Will I continue after this great contest is over? Yes. I’ve been a total slacker lately, but it’s always been there in the back of my mind, so it’s keeping me more honest than I might be otherwise. I have a trip to the UK in Sept. and losing some weight would be nice, so I think I’ll keep at it, even if I don’t have to check in every week. The way things were going before we started this, I would have been up as much as I’ve lost, so if nothing else, this brought my compulsive eating to a halt. I’ll keep slogging away. Congrats to Cupcake. Someday I shall be a cupcake, ’tis my fondest wish. (And I’m writing this before I know who wins, but I’m sure it’s Cupcake.)


Adam
Let’s face it, I’ve done horribly in this competition. But I’m going to change — I swear! Diet, exercise, willpower, and weight loss are all in my future! I hope…


Michelle M.
I’m about halfway to my goal, so I’m going to keep on dieting until I get there. Summer is coming and I want to fit into my shorts!


Ryan
I plan to continue after this, but I haven’t exactly been that diligent over the past few weeks. If I do my best to keep track of what I eat and make my exercise goals, I could hit my next weight goal sometime this summer. I don”t know if that will be the end because I’ve never been this lean in my life, so I have no idea where I want to end up. I think I might pick up running in the next couple of weeks. I’m at the point that walking longer doesn’t provide much of a challenge beyond finding the time.


Polt
This week, we’re to talk about Beyond BC&RL3. When this is over, I’ll not fall back into my old ways, cause I don’t want my doctor yelling at me. I got onto this diet I’m on because of her, and luckily it just happened to correspond with this competition. Weight loss, though, is only a secondary goal. My main goal is to get my sugar levels down. And that I’ll continue, hopefully, well after the contest. And in doing so, I’ll eventually end up all sleek, and svelte, and sexy-like. Just like this photo!


Mikey
The graph here is what I had hoped my weight loss would look like. It hasn’t yet, but I have started to lose weight again! Ty and I are continuing to two a few things to maximize our loss and minimize our waists: cooking healthier foods rather than doing the NYC thing of ordering in ALL THE TIME, substituting seltzer for tonic (don’t laugh…it works. I lost 5 lbs after making that small change), and trying to get more of the dreaded exercise.


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

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I Love Lucy, and Darlene, and Natalie, and Nellie, and Joan, etc., etc.

In case you didn’t know, I LOVE T.V. Here are some characters that have entertained me through the years.

Lucy, she was always coming up with those harebrained ideas and getting into trouble.
Lucille Ball was a comic genius.

Dr. Gregory House. He’s sarcastic, witty and smarter than everyone in the room.
I’m going to miss him when the season ends.

Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Who doesn’t love a bad boy? And one with an accent?

The Trio from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Warren, Andrew and Jonathan were the funniest,
nerdiest villains to terrorize Sunnydale.

Pat MacDougall (Amy’s Mom), as played by Georgia Engel on Everybody Loves Raymond.
Soft spoken Pat stole every scene she was in.

Darlene from Roseanne. Sarcastic and mouthy – but never bratty,
Darlene was my favorite of the Conner kids.

Joan Harris (née Holloway) from Mad Men. Joan is the voice of reason in the crazy world of
Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. And she can rock a pen necklace like nobody’s business.

Stewie Gilligan Griffin from Family Guy. Funniest diabolical baby ever.

Bill McNeal from NewsRadio. Bill was a hilarious self-centered and pompous
doofus played by the late, great Phil Hartman.

Everyone knows I love Fat Betty (blam ba blam), so it should come as no surprise that I adore Fat Monica
from Friends. Fat Monica was so innocent, cheery and enthusiastic – and always a treat to watch.

Sue Sylvester from Glee. Though the writers have her go off the rails sometimes, I still love her.

Constance from American Horror Story. She is so very, very awful. But I loved it. Jessica Lange did a wonderful job portraying her – making her both nasty and sympathetic.

Natalie Green from Facts of Life. My favorite of the Eastland girls. Upbeat Natalie was always ready with a wisecrack. Too bad Natalie’s spinoff never came to be.

Dennis Finch from Just Shoot Me. Such a sarcastic little schemer. LOVED him.

Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle. Dewey was often lost in the shuffle. Because of this he had these weird little adventures that none of the family ever knew about. Some Dewey highlights for me were the episode with his pet fly Tony, and his dance with babysitter Bea Arthur.

Lafayette Reynolds from True Blood. Another scene stealer. He’s a gay, short-order cooking, drug dealing, road crewing, make-up wearing, butt kicking, fine black man. And I haven’t watched the last season yet, so who knows what else he’s been up to.

Nellie Olson from Little House on the Prairie. Nasty Nellie – Alison Arngrim made her so fun to watch!

Hiro Nakamura from Heroes. It was nice to see someone actually enthused about their super powers.

Veronica Mars. Whip smart, cute and funny. I miss Veronica and her sleuthing.

Wonder Woman, as played by Lynda Carter. Beautiful, strong and a great role model. WHERE IS HER MOVIE??!!

So who are your favorite television characters? Let me know in comments!

Yay! Boo!

*The idea for this post was inspired by vuboq. Thanks vuboq!

Yay! I was excited about the new Hershey’s Air Delight chocolate bar – I thought it
would be like the Choco’Lite bars of yore. Chocolatey, yet airy.

Boo! But it wasn’t. It just tasted like chocolate chalk.

Yay! And then I received my ugly purse prize in the mail and all was right
with the world (not shown – the 3 candy bars Harry and I immediately ate).

Yay! House is on tonight!

Boo! This is the last season of House.

Boo! I’m out of my favorite lipstick (Maybelline Moisture Whip* #370 – Toast) and they’ve discontinued it!

Yay! I found one that looks fairly similar (Maybelline Colorsensational #275 – Crazy for Coffee).

*Know who else uses Moisture Whip – that’s right, Wonder Woman!

Yay! I get to use more colors in my painting class

Boo! I still have to paint those ugly bottles (the yellow square is the area I’m painting).

Yay! BC&RL3 starts up this week.

Boo! I’ll have to trade in yummy potato chips for yucky rice cakes.

Yay! I will be able to fit into my jeans again.

Boo! I’ll have to trade in sitting on the couch for exercising.

Yay! I’ll feel and look better!

Boo! I’ll have to keep eating right and exercising for the rest of my days.

Yay! I have 3 more days to stuff myself with junk food!

I guess you can’t have the silver linings without the clouds.
What were the ups and downs of your week? Let me know in comments!

Have You Ever… Shat?!

Shat – past tense of shit Verb.
1. vulgar. Expel feces from the body.
2. vulgar. Soil one’s clothes as a result of expelling feces accidentally.

The rules to Have You Ever?! are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever shat in a toilet?
2. Have you ever shat because you were scared?
3. Have you ever shat while reading?
4. Have you ever shat while sending a text message?
5. Have you ever shat while talking on the telephone?
6. Have you ever shat while surfing the Internet?
7. Have you ever shat while watching TV?
8. Have you ever shat while tweeting?
9. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in your own home?
10. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in someone else’s home?
11. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in a public restroom?
12. Have you ever shat on the side of the road?
13. Have you ever shat in a porta-potty?
14. Have you ever shat in an outhouse?
15. Have you ever shat in the woods?
16. Have you ever shat in your pants by accident?
17. Have you ever shat your pants because you couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough?
18. Have you ever shat your pants while driving?
19. Have you ever shat into your hand?
20. Have you ever shat in a shower or bathtub?
21. Have you ever shat in a brown paper bag with the intent to light it on fire on someone’s doorstep?
22. Have you ever shat during sex?
23. Have you ever shat while receiving or performing fellatio (or cunnilingus) on the toilet?
24. Have you ever shat while having sex on the toilet?
25. Have you ever shat onto someone else?

Now go take a shit, wipe, pull up your pants, wash your hands, come back to the computer, and then tell us your total in the comments!


A Cocky & Rude Christmas Carol 1.02

episode 1.01










A Holiday Gift Extravaganza!


This week the California lottery mega millions jackpot was $116,000,000. It dawned on me that if I won, I could do some holiday shopping for my bloggy friends. So after some careful consideration I made out my ChristmasHanukkahKwanzaaWhatever list. So keep your fingers crossed that I win* and you just might find the following under your treemenorahmkekawhatever. And because there’s a slight chance I might not win, I came up with some alternative gift choices to give you.**
(Click to enlarge any of the photos)


For Tam – A luxury yacht to go island hopping and a membership to the Man of the Month club.


But if I don’t win she’ll have to settle for a toy boat and a framed photo of Polt’s ass.


For Jere – Marvel Entertainment. And I’ll throw in DC for good measure. Maybe he can do something about a Wonder Woman movie…


If I don’t win, he’ll have to stick to lawyering, so a booze hiding law book might come in handy.


For Craig – a centipede-free mansion in San Diego, so he can hang out with me (all the time)!


But the odds aren’t good, so a can of bug spray and some ear guards will have to do.


For Paul, a starring role in the upcoming Star Trek film and one of those back end movie deals where he makes mega-bucks.


But should I not win the jackpot, an Enterprise scratching post for Whitey will have to suffice.


For Ryan, I will pay off his student loans. He will also get one of these nifty cupcake cars and a lifetime supply of gas.


But if I remain a big old loser, he’s going to have to make do with this cheery little painting.


For my darling VUBOQ, a house with a pottery studio, a fully stocked walk in closet and all the gin his liver can take.


But if I don’t win, he’s getting a sparkly shoe and a jar of olives.


Lucky Mel will finally get to make lopapeysu all day in his Iceland dream house.


Unless I lose. Then he gets ice cubes and a ball of yarn.


Heather and TwoPi both like math, which is completely crazy. So I’m going to set them up with lifetime psychiatric therapy.


But if I don’t win, they will receive Godzilla pajamas, slippers and a toy city they can take turns destroying.


Adam will also get a house in San Diego and will finally find a Lexus with a big red bow in his driveway.


If I don’t have the winning numbers, though, he’ll receive a boob mug and a copy of The Vagina Monologues.


Mikey gets a wine shop. And a cheese shop.


Unless I lose. Then he gets a box of wine and a 99 cent bag of Cheetos.


For Polt, a purple palace filled with Asians with hairthings.


If I don’t win, our favorite stalker gets a fake nose and glasses and a pair of binoculars instead.


For my favorite duo, Joshrico, I’d  buy penthouses and limos. Fame, fortune and the paparazzi are sure to follow.


But if I’m not the next lottery winner, I might be able to pay this guy to follow them around for an hour with his camera.


There’s always that one person on your list you have no idea what to get. For me, it’s M. Nico.
He’ll just have to settle for a gift card from Amazon.


Unless I don’t win. Then he gets fruitcake.


Mush gets a mansion, her own record label (I quite like the name “Mushtones”) and a kick ass tour bus so she can tour the country (and visit me, of course).


But if megamillions are not in my stars, she’ll be unwrapping Mr. Microphone.


Fdot watches a lot of movies, so he’ll need a mansion with a state of the art, luxury home theater.


If I lose, he’ll receive Jiffy pop and a DVD of the “best worst movie ever made” Troll 2. Featuring such classic scenes as the following:


Chris D. is excited by space, so I’ll send him there in his very own rocket.


If someone else wins my money he can pretend to be in orbit with these stick on ceiling stars.


David P. will get the VIP treatment with front row seats to any play/musical in the world. Free meals at any restaurant included.


Life does not always (or ever!) go my way though, so David can put on his own shows with these nifty finger puppets and afterward have dinner at McDonald’s.


Justin loves maple. So he will get one of those fancy million dollar log cabins in the middle of a maple tree forest.


Unless my numbers are off. Then he gets a bottle of imitation maple syrup.


I would pay all of john’s bills and buy him a house and an art gallery so he could quit his stupid job and concentrate on his art.


If I don’t win, a big bag of rabbit chow is just the ticket.


I would buy the Kid the Pittsburgh Penguins.


Or a Sidney Crosby bobblehead (if I’m doomed to a life as a non millionaire).


David G. is getting a first class ticket to Hollywood and his own studio. Those zombie screenplays of his will finally be up on the silver screen for me to enjoy.

But should I lose, here’s a t-shirt.


Nathan will get a private jet to fly him around the world.


Or this book of paper airplanes. Not winning the lottery sucks.


Ty will get that $250,000 Jeopardy money he should have gotten in the tournament of Champions.


But if I don’t win, a ceramic Dalmatian from the Old School Wheel of Fortune is just as good.


Mr. Sombrero already has Adam, so obviously he doesn’t need anything else.


I do have a lot of peanut butter left over from the taste test, though…

If I forgot anyone, let me know in the comments, and I’ll find a regift in the garage for you.

So, hopefully, I will be the next megamillionaire, but know that if I’m not I’ll be wishing you all health, love and happiness in the New Year and always.

*It might help if I bought a lottery ticket.
**Just kidding, I’m not getting you anything at all.