I received some fan mail from “Hammer” (firstname.lastname@example.org) this morning and thought I’d share!
Thanks to Hammer for the kind words!
I received some fan mail from “Hammer” (email@example.com) this morning and thought I’d share!
Thanks to Hammer for the kind words!
The rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever barbecued a big slab of meat?
2. Have you ever camped in the woods?
3. Have you ever climbed to the top of a mountain?
4. Have you ever bench pressed 200 pounds?
5. Have you ever ordered a scotch on the rocks?
6. Have you ever smoked a cigar?
7. Have you ever played rugby?
8. Have you ever repaired a car?
9. Have you ever used tools for home repairs?
10. Have you ever engaged in fisticuffs?
11. Have you ever eaten an entire habanero pepper?
12. Have you ever gone all in at a game of poker?
13. Have you ever grown a full beard?
14. Have you ever served in the military?
15. Have you ever practiced martial arts?
16. Have you ever driven a motorcycle?
17. Have you ever gone deep sea fishing?
18. Have you ever built a fire?
19. Have you ever rung the bell with a hammer at the fair’s strong man contest?
20. Have you ever had a hairy chest?
21. Have you ever gone skydiving?
22. Have you ever opened a bottle with your teeth?
23. Have you ever fired a gun?
24. Have you ever chopped wood?
25. Have you ever wrassled a bear?
Tell us your total in comments and lets find out… ¿quien es mas macho?
This year’s Bloggy Gift Exchange featured 25 bloggy friends, 24 awesome gifts, 2 countries, lots of smiles, lots of sugar, a few tears, a pack of Magnum condoms, and tons and tons more. Thanks to everyone for making this year’s gift exchange a huge success! We’re truly a classy bunch, and here’s the proof:
…here’s my awesome nerdy gifts from bassoonist Nathan! Yay! It’s a virulent rabies plush and a sciency Doctor Who disappearing TARDIS mug! This photo image came out just the way I wanted it. YES THAT’S RABIES ON MY HEAD AND I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU. COFFEE? SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM? RAAAAAAAAAAAABIEEEEEES!
Tam had my name and she sent me a book about the quirks and histories of comic books and also a Dallas Cowboys garden gnome. Only thing that coulda made the gift better was to have it delivered by a Speedo-clad Asian Twinkie with a hairthing. This is the photo of me enjoying them both. HUGS…
Santa Polt (and his award-winning ass) sent me a box full of the world’s two best things: plaid and purple. Thanks to Polt, I can be cozy and formal with this super-warm hat and fantastic tie. I plan to wear them both as I spend many hours each night drawing pictures of Craig getting peed on or amassing enormous lists of blog post tags. Maybe this tie will help me land a great new high-paying job in the new year? I’m totally going to wear them both on my lumberjack interview next week! Fingers crossed that it pays well!
FDot sent me this amazing life size TARDIS. Along with my dancing monkey fez, I think I make a very convincing Doctor. I also think I should use my TARDIS to go back in time and prevent myself from eating whatever it is that made me look so fat in this photo. I honestly do not care if doing so destroys the fabric of time.
VUBOQ made me a beautiful mug and bowl. He also got me TWO varieties of Reese’s. I could only assume he wanted me to use it all to make a nutritious holiday breakfast.
My gift from Ty was titled Craig’s Sex-Mas Adventure! It was a three step process. First I was told that the clothes make the man, so he gave me this shirt and told me to put it on, then peel it off sexily. then he told me to spritz myself with cologne and dream of Cumming (Alan, that is), and finally I was taught that chocolate is a well known aphrodisiac and to sample these delicious chocolates to get in the mood. Once I finished the chocolates I was met with a horrific sight too reprehensible for words and I lost my hard-on immediately. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it up again. Merry Christmas to me, I guess.
I got a phenomenally well-packed box from Ryan consisting of two types of cookies and a Christmas mix CD. The cookies were all painstakingly wrapped to arrive intact. I was singularly impressed, even though I’d have happily eaten crumbs.
From: Mr. Sombrero
My bloggy gift came from the wonderful Mr. Sombrero in “Jersey”. It was full of all kind of delightful things to eat from many different places. There was cherry jam from Croatia (which I ate on my bagel Christmas morning and it was delish), French cookies, British tea, chocolate from lots of place including some kind of potato chocolate thing from Idaho. 0_0 Chocolate poker chips and chocolate from Dylans, a gingerbread cookie that looks like a NYC cab, and a lolly with my initial on it. Now that I’ve taken the picture I’m looking forward to trying them all. Thanks so much for the fun foods, none of which I’ve tried before.
To: Kristen “The Kid”
So Talita was my secret Santa which was wonderful because everything she gave me was perfect! Included in my “care package” was two perfectly scented candles (cranberry pear Bellini and candied sugar plum), some nail polish, peppermint foot cream from Lush, spider man head phones (which I squealed over they were wonderful), some hot chocolate, tea, soap, some lip products and a cookie! It was wonderful, I love everything so much 😀
From: David P.
Here are photos of my gifts from David P. I would post pictures of myself enjoying the gifts like the booze and condoms (and I did enjoy them – I’ve been a naughty boy this holiday), but I’m afraid that you would use it as often as you use that picture of Polt’s ass. Sorry. The comic book magnet has a wonder woman costume malfunction joke that’s lost on me, but the chocolate covered stuff was yummy.
Note: the post-its in the photo are – alcohol: “because you like BOOZE”; chocolate: “because you like things covered in CHOCOLATE”; magnet – “because you are a comic book GEEK”; condoms – “because you have big FEET”
My gift came from Mikey. He sent two BIG bags of cookies, and a whole bunch of Hershey’s kisses. They were delicious and didn’t last long. And I should get major points for sharing with Harry. I also received these amazing Wonder Woman socks (complete with capes), perfect for fighting crime, reading in bed, attending a live action Wonder Woman movie, etc. I love(d) all my gifts – Thank you Mikey!!
I received my gifts from none other than Mr. Puntabulous himself: Craig! Here you can see the Christmas bunnies looking at the gifts Craig sent (and eyeing the Alfa-carrots). Craig sent me a card of bunnies avoiding the ark; which is part of a series on bunny deaths; it totally made me laugh! He sent me a cd of new Craig Christmas music. And piece de résistance: a dancing monkey t-shirt and pants.
I believe that this is Craig’s way of marking me as king of the dancing monkeys. Do not fear, I will be a benevolent ruler…All shall love me and DISPAIR!!!
Thanks Craig! I love my gifts! The carrots were tasty, the music fun and the pjs comfortable.
I got this awesome package from Mush. It included two CDs (buddha-bar VIII by Sam Popat and Live in Las Vegas by Santa Fe and The Fat City Horns), Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, and the Animatrix DVD. I haven’t had much of a chance to listen to the CDs because I’ve been inundated with new music and been busy with non-music listening activities, but what I’ve heard so far has me excited. It’s outside my usual genres, which is the hardest to find good new music. I’m also looking forward to reading the book. I really enjoyed Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale and was intending to explore her other work. I’m also looking forward to watching the collection of shorts exploring the time before the Matrix movies.
My Bloggy Gift giver was Jere. He gave me an Elvis beanie baby (from the Elvis Museum in Las Vegas!), and set me up with the ultimate in New Year’s Eve eye-wear for Times Square, or the local equivalent, a gathering of friends assessing Dick Clark’s ability to count backwards. Cajun chefs have their holy trinity of bell peppers, onions, and celery — for TwoPi, the holy trinity is Elvis, Vegas, and Purple — and no day can match their over-the-top glories better than New Year’s Eve! Fantastic!
To: Heather (Xi)
I got the most fabulous present from Justin: a replica of one of the original Education Monkey multiplication tools, invented in 1916 and named after Consul the performing monkey. You move the feet so that they point to two numbers at the bottom, and then the hands [yes, hands — stop giggling] point to the product. I’ve never heard of this before, or seen anything like it, which makes it especially exciting. Thank you thank you thank you!
To: Chris D.
From: Michelle M.
Michelle M. gave me an amazing assortment of gifts! She gave me a candy cane, Charlie Brown Christmas CD, Peppermint Bark, a vintage Christmas postcard (from 1911, it is like a perfect little time capsule from a bygone era!), a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on book (I LOVE IT!), AND…… a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on figure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This made me smile a whole lot! Michelle M. is an amazing gift giver! 🙂
From: Chris D.
For my present I received, not one, but two beginner Japanese books! This was an amazing present for me because I’m hoping to actually go to Japan next year. Thanks so much to Chris for my fantastic gift. He even made me a little homemade ornament for the Christmas tree at home! An excellent gift.
To: Mr. Sombrero
From: Kristen “The Kid”
My gift from Santa “The Kid” Kristen was amaaaahzing and layered to satisfy all the senses! Not only did it include the best thing the Western civilization came up with – a box of Holiday edition Smarties (the Canadian ones, not the US kind; think M&M’s in a harder shell) – but also, and this is the even more awesome, a donation of a mango tree for school kids in Rwanda. Now that’s a global gift that keeps on giving. And to signify the donation, my gift also included a box of dried mangoes, yummmmmm… So Kristen, all I gotta say is… Urakooooze (that’s thank you in Rwandan.
Tam and Kristen also included a tin of delicious homemade vegan gingerbread cookies for me to share with Adam! Here are a few of our favorites:
Photo One. This is me enjoying one of my many gifts from Adam – a book! Hot Guys and Baby Animals. Hot! Cute! Fun!
Photo Two. This is me …um… enjoying another gift from Adam – vegan beef jerky (tequila lime flavor). Delicious! (OK. Not really delicious. In fact, it was kind of gross).
Unfortunately, I don’t have a photo of me getting the taste of tequila lime vegan beef jerky out of my mouth with some truly yummerz dark chocolate! MMmmmm. Chocolate. I also don’t have photos of me taking a fun Unicorn Lavender Lotus Bubble Bath. Nor gleefully stamping “Who Cares” on all the crap my co-workers produce at work. But, those were other gifts from Adam that I totes *heart*.
To: David P.
From: Miley Cyrus & Enrico
I was the lucky recipient of a package hand-delivered by the amazingly talented Miley Cyrus, although what she was doing in Crown Heights is anyone’s guess. Oddly enough, inside the package were an assortment of gifts by the equally, if not more, amazing and talented but non-poll-dancing Enrico! As you can see, I was provided with two boxes of high-end macaroni and cheese mixes that I will be getting fat from shortly. Also among the loot were three Pulitzer prize-winning books (I’ve read one of them, but giving me something I can re-gift is a gift in and of itself) and I will definitely enjoy reading the other two over the next few months. And lastly, the pièce de résistance is the pack of nude male playing cards that will add a certain something special to my future games of solitaire. If you zoom into the photo, you can also make out the clever notes that were included with each present. Thank you so much, Miley! Oh, and you too, Enrico!
My secret Santa got me two amazing presents! Knowing I’m a huge Miyazaki lover, he got me this Totoro thingy that I’m hanging on my wall as soon as I get a hammer. I’ve been meaning to read John Updike’s Rabbit, Run for years now, and now I can, since he also got me the novel and its first sequel, Rabbit Redux. I LOVE BOOKS AND TOTORO. Thanks John! After Michelle, you’re the best!!
I received amazing blueberry Jam, that was so delicious. A soy pine candle that smelled so good, I love soy candles they burn longer then regular candles. This candle added just the right amount of holidays to my house without being over whelming. My gift came packaged in awesome Christmas Tin!! Thanks for the great gifts Mel!!
I arrived home from my trip to Colorado to find a whole package of goodies awaiting me from Heather. Herein pictured are the goodies. 1 Post Office Priority Mail Box, no doubt chosen to hold everything else. 1 piece of Milk Chocolate, already eaten. 1 book of “Where Are They Buried?”, already perused and used to capture pictures for the next round of ‘Guess that Grave!”. 1 Electronic Rubik’s Cube Puzzle, opened and attempted. 1 packet of Punch Balloons, of which one has been inflated and punched repeatedly to relieve frustration from failing at the Rubik’s Cube puzzle. An extremely successful box of Christmas gifts, covering all I hoped for and making me very happy, as evidenced by the large smile I have on my face.
From: M Nico
If I’m looking a bit pouty it’s because Bloggy Santa left me empty handed this year. Don’t worry unduly I’m in intensive therapy for the *sniff* trauma *sob* No really I’ll be *chokes up* fine 😦
To: M Nico
M Nico has refused all attempts at communication and presumably did not send a gift to Justin. Many thanks to TwoPi for generously sending a gift to M Nico!! M Nico, we hope that you’re okay!!!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Ty, Mush & Jere!
Our resident Jeopardy! genius, Ty, faced off against the wheelchair-bound genius, Stephen Hawking on July 7th. The theoretical physicist and cosmologist proved no match for man that tells federal judges what to do, when Ty trounced Hawking with 73% of the popular vote.
I didn’t watch professional wrestling as a kid, and I don’t watch professional basketball as an adult, so I’m not super familiar with the concept of trash talk. According to my extensive Internet research, I should threaten to kill my opponents and their loved ones, impugn their paternity, and imply that I have had sexual relations with their significant others. That seems a bit harsh. So instead, I will say what I said to my opponents on Jeopardy!: “Good luck, suckas!!” -Ty
The following week, Michelle “Mush” Morgan faced off against Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the epic battle of Mush vs. Rock. The Rock’s expert wrestling moves and experience hitting people with folding chairs proved useless against Mush’s fiery Mexican food farts and superior IT skills when she beat The Rock with a very close 53% of the popular vote.
Just ’cause you bitches are big, strong, strapping boys don’t mean that my old age and treachery won’t overcome! I will beat your asses! I will dominate! YOU ARE GOIN’ DOWN!!! -Mush
Jere battled the animated twosome, Tom & Jerry in his first C&R Fight Club battle. Did the cat and mouse’s giant hammers, mouse traps, stinky cheese and presumable invincibility and immortality slow Jere down in his battle? Nope! He dragged the cartoons to court, sued (and kicked) their asses with a win of 95% of the popular vote.
Those queens? Please. When I’m done cock-slapping them around this fight, they’re both gonna wish they had never seen me. Let us pray the pimp’s prayer for these bitches. Lord, please pray for the soul of these pussies and guide my pimp hand and make it strooong Lord! So that they might learn a ho’s place. Amen! -Jere
Who will win in the battle of Ty vs. Mush vs. Jere? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M., Ty, Mush & Jere for your assistance with this post!