Tag Archives: Google

Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!

I’ve written so many of these damn Have You Ever quizzes that I actually searched C&R and Googled to make sure that I haven’t already written an ‘On Your Birthday’ one. If it does exist, I can’t find it. So here it is! In honor of my upcoming birthday: Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!

You know the rules but I’ll tell you anyway: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever had a birthday?
2. Have you ever received a crappy gift on your birthday?
3. Have you ever bought yourself a present on your birthday?
4. Have you ever worked on your birthday?
5. Have you ever thrown yourself a party on your birthday?
6. Have you ever been surprised by a birthday party at work on your birthday?
7. Have you ever been surprised by a surprise party on your birthday?
8. Have you ever baked yourself a cake on your birthday?
9. Have you ever received a free meal at a restaurant on your birthday?
10. Have you ever received a free drink at a bar on your birthday?
11. Have you ever turned into a gluttonous cake monster on your birthday?
12. Have you ever thrown up on your birthday?
13. Have you ever been disappointed (for any reason) on your birthday?
14. Have you ever lied about your age on your birthday?
15. Have you ever forgotten your own birthday?
16. Have you ever ignored your birthday and hoped it would just go away?
17. Have you ever cried on your birthday?
18. Have you ever gotten really drunk on your birthday?
19. Have you ever used illegal drugs on your birthday?
20. Have you ever had to spend your birthday alone?
21. Have you ever broken up with someone on your birthday?
22. Have you ever deleted your birthday on Facebook just to see who really remembers your birthday?
23. Have you ever had sex on your birthday?
24. Have you ever received any type of sex act as a birthday gift?
25. Have you ever slept with a prostitute on your birthday?

Tell us your total in the comments!


Advertisements

Hayley tells the truth … Adam is a twat!

One of my old C&R posts that still gets lots of hits every day is 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are Gross.  It seems that lots of people are searching Google each day to learn why those gaping holes of disgustingness are so awful.  I’m glad that C&R can be a service to those truth-seekers.  I’m also glad that the post is still generating comments … especially ones like these:

I guess hayley didn’t see my other post, 10 Reasons Why Penises Are Gross.  I may be a “prick,” a “fucking arsehole,” and a “twat” … but at least I’m an equal offender.

Thanks for the chuckle, hayley!  I love you!


Tam’s Twitter Adventures!

















the CONAN show

Last Tuesday Harry and I went with our friends D. and S. to see Conan. Check in was in the ground level of a parking garage at 1:30. Notice my nails – I painted them orange for the occasion.

After we got our tickets we had time to kill until they took us to the studio at 3:00. The garage was freaking cold, so we left to find something to eat. We found a place called Henry’s Hat not too far away. The Conan staff took my camera, so here is recreation of my lunch: a Mai Tai in a tiki glass and breakfast potatoes.

Back at the garage we were led in groups (I have never seen so many f*cking hipsters in one place) to the studio. We walked across the street and then wound our way through the various sound stages to the Conan holding pens. I thought it was funny to muse out loud if random people we passed were famous. After the 30th time it was still hilarious. To me. Or maybe it was the Mai Tai talking. Anyway, imagine my excitement when I spotted Johnny Galecki (of The Big Bang Theory and one of my favorite shows, Roseanne)! He was on his cell phone and wearing a blue shirt! “It’s David Galecki!” I said excitedly (I was thinking of his character on Roseanne).

Brad, the guy in charge of our group confirmed that it was, indeed Johnny Galecki. Not one minute later an Asian guy passed by. “Hey, that guy’s famous!” I said. I didn’t know his name, but he looked like the guy from Entourage. Brad said he was on Community and Ugly Betty. So I said I’d Google him when I got home.

I don’t know what the hell Brad was talking about. It was totally Rex Lee from Entourage and Suburgatory (A show I watch!). Besides, Suburgatory films there, we passed right by their trailers and wardrobe racks. Whatever, Brad. We also passed by Chuck Lorre’s parking space and the Harry’s Law soundstage. How awesome would it have been to see Kathy Bates?! After a brief wait in the holding pens, we finally made it into the studio.

We were in the 7th row. Yay! Out of 9 rows. Boo!

The set looked so much smaller in real life. Some dude came out to warm up the audience and tell us to clap when the “applause” sign lit up. Then the band came out. They were awesome! First, La Bamba sang a song.

Then Mark Pender (the bald guy) sang a song. It kind of sounded like “Jump, Jive and Wail”, but it wasn’t. Anyway, they were fantastic.

Then the most boring Conan show ever taped started. Conan came out and did his monologue. He did his little jump, but no string dance. It was their one year anniversary, but you wouldn’t have known it from the show. They did nothing special to mark the occasion – no skit, no confetti, nothing. Maybe they were tired from the New York trip. He did do a funny sign bit with a guy in one of the front rows (to sit in the front rows you had to get there at 9:30).

Andy did a bit about fall foliage. Um, I adore Andy, but it wasn’t that funny. I’m going to blame the writers.

There was also a peanut players skit about Herman Cain. It was kinda meh. I think the Depardieu one from August was hilarious. Here’s that one.

The first guest was Julie Bowen. I love Modern Family, but she bugs me. Oh – we just watched Horrible Bosses last night – it was cute and funny and I would recommend it. She was in that. Oh well, at least she had some energy.

Her son made a turkey. It was the most interesting guest on the show.

Next up was a snowboarder. God, he was dull.

My mind wandered off halfway through the interview.

Then a comedienne (?) came out. She had a baby voice and made weird faces. She spoke too softly so we couldn’t make out a lot of what she was saying. That night when we watched the show on tv we were able to confirm that she was lame and not funny.

Then it was over, but before Conan left the stage he sang a sweet little goodbye song to the audience.

Outside it was dark and we made our way back to the garage. We passed my new friend Brad who called out to me to remember to Google that guy. Which I did. Brad, you need to watch more tv. On the way home we stopped at the Downey Brewery where I had a Lambic Frambois and some onion rings. God, I ate nothing healthy that day.

Harry had a sausage party.

Back on the road we went in the wrong direction for about half an hour, because we’re awesome like that. Despite the lackluster show, we had a great time and hope to see Conan again in the future.

The next day I had some homemade yellow split pea soup and a big salad to make up for the delicious crap I ate the day before.

A Finer, Better Five

After Adam’s weak attempt at reviving his career as a maker of the Friday Five, I have decided to give you all the truly best five of this week. So what five super awesome things are there in the world that will top everything that Adam wrote about last week? Just read on dear friends.

We start off our five with an animal that has a severe substance issue. We’ve all seen the baby with the cigarettes, but what about a cat ferociously defending their right to their nicotine fix. I’ve heard that nicotine can perk you up, but this cat is down right feisty. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you crazy smoking cat.

After you have laughed your head off with that crazy cat, I would like to get serious with all of you. I recently had a religious experience. I saw the Broadway Musical The Book of Mormon by the creators of South Park and Avenue Q. It was a hilarious, amazing, vulgar and blasphemous experience. If you can’t make it to the city to see it, you can listen to the cast recording on the NPR website!

Osama bin Laden’s death led to the creation of many internet memes. Some were forgettable and some were amazing. One didn’t get as much play as I would have liked. Folks over at LaughingSquid.com reimagine the tale of Star Wars with Darth Vader announcing the death of Obi-Wan in a very Obama-esque manner. I absolutely love the geeks of this world for making this happen.

Speaking of geeks, the folks over at Google recently announced some new products and services they will be offering and I am super excited about them all. In particular, I want Google Music Beta as soon as technologically possible. Any product that claims I can access my music anywhere (even recently played songs when I AM OFFLINE!!!!) would rightfully get my attention. Please Mr. Google, give it to me!

There are also a number of people saying that the end of days is happening this month. I’m excited to see what they say when it doesn’t really happen. In the meantime, I’m laughing at the Slate version of the very last edition of the New York Times. They nailed it.

So there you have the five things that made my list this week. There were, of course, a few things that almost made it: gorgeous weather, Michelle McKee, and hardcore gay porn.

Cyber-Stalking For Dummies

Looking for a little dirt on your potential online date?  Trying to figure out the ages and birthdays of your secretive coworkers?  Or maybe you just wanna find out how much of an online footprint you’re leaving.  Whatever your stalking desires, don’t just let your search begin and end on Facebook.  There are many other resources on the net to aid in your personal information hunt.  Here’s a few pointers:

1. Look Beyond Facebook
Just because Facebook is the hot social network right now, doesn’t mean that it’s the only one out there.  Most ‘net users still have a LinkedIn account or a MySpace page that they’ve forgotten about.  You might also want to check Twitter to see what they’ve been tweeting about.  Branch out a little.

2. Google ’em
When you search Google, you’re likely to get a lot of unwanted results, but try narrowing your search a little bit.  Adding quotes around a name, adding or removing a middle name (or initial) or using nicknames might be the key.  Also try searching Google Images.  You might be surprised by what comes up.

3. Find Their Photos
Looking for some more photos of your victim?  After all … you might not want to go on a blind date if you find out that they’re ugly.  And photos of your coworker before she had that nose job might still be floating around somewhere.  Try searching Flickr, Picasa or another photosharing wsite.

4. People Search
Search engines like WebMii, 123People and Pipl can do some of the work for you.  These free people searches will help you crawl the net and stalk to your heart’s content.

5. Are They Looking For Love?
Why not poke around a site like Match.com or PlentyOfFish to see if they have a dating profile.  Most sites don’t let you search for free, but you can always create a free dummy profile for yourself?  And if Facebook didn’t clue you in to whether or not that cute delivery boy likes boys, this probably will tell you the truth.

6. Find Their Phone Number
This can be a little hit or miss, now that the pesky National Do Not Call Registry is out there for anyone and everyone to join.  But give the online yellow and white pages a try anyway at sites like AnyWho, WhitePages, or PhoneNumber.com.  Then all you have to do is call them and breath really heavy why they threaten to call the police.  People love that!

7. Find Their Home Address
Why call them when you can know where they live?  My favorite site for this is ZabaSearch — it’s a great way to find people’s addresses.

8. Google Map It!
Once you’ve found your victim’s address … why not virtually tour their neighborhood with Google Street View?  You might even find their car in the driveway.  And if you’re really lucky, they’ll have been mowing the front lawn without a shirt on when the Google van drove by.  Grrrooowwwwlll!

9. Find Out How Much They Paid
Now that you’ve got an address, check out Zillow to see how much they paid for their home.  You’ll also find out when they bought it, how much it’s worth, and the taxes that they’ve been paying.

10. Hide In Their Bushes
By now you’ve probably seen their photos, discovered their sexual preference, and found out their phone number, address, house value, age, and a wealth of other knowledge.  Why not just hide in their bushes?  You’d be surprised how much you can learn about someone when you’re peeking in their windows*.

*I’m joking.  Please don’t do this.  Yes Polt, we’re talking to you.

Did they fool you?

It is quite clear that my post yesterday was your favorite thing on the internet ever, so you didn’t comment at all. In reality you were probably searching the net for all the amazing hilarious April Fool’s jokes. We always know that the folks over at Google have so much money and free time that they can come up with a few for each year. And this year was no let down. Here are a few of my absolute favorite net pranks of the moment.

Deals for Hipsters
If you live in a hipster-infested place like New York City, you can’t but laugh at this one. A website set up for April Fools purports to sell all the amazing hipsteriffc items you could ever want. As long as it is dripping irony with just a little contempt for the poor people who just aren’t cool enough to know what is cool, the hipsters want it. Glasses! Yoga! Plaid! Totes! They love them all. And this site sells it to them.

Friday or Die
Funny or Die was the funniest prank of the year featuring musical sensation, Rebecca Black. They featured several videos about the whirlwind fame of this young songstress from a Behind the Music knockoff to a faux BBC piece about the hidden meanings behind her lyrics. Check out what we are laughing at this Friday.

Google Blimp Ads
And finally we get to one of the Google products that were all over the net yesterday: Blimp Ads. What better place to tap into a new market than on the side of a giant balloon that moves slowly across the sky. Twitter and Facebook are dead now that Google Blimp Ads are happening.

Were you duped by any of these yesterday? I’m pretty immune to them myself since that time a few years ago when I couldn’t figure out why Google was offering to print out my email and mail it to me. What were your favorite April Fools sites? Leave em in the comments.