Tag Archives: focus

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 4

Our third week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate three weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Exercise is an important part of every weight-loss regimen. This week, the contestants were invited to tell us how they’ve exercised to help attain their weight-loss goals. Here’s what they said:

The only exercise I have been able to get in the past two weeks has been walking to/from work, walking the dog, playing with the dog, and COUGHING. However, since my diet changes have resulted in my weight loss leveling off and since I am finally able to move around without hacking up a corner of my lungs, I am instituting an exercise regimen. I will be doing 30-45 min of cardio every other day for the near future. May my ass disappear.

The picture says it all. I really have not focused at all on exercise. I have really only been seriously participating in this challenge for about 10 days because of my trip, so right now I’m just paying attention to what I eat and how much of it. I’ve been faithfully logging my in-take on Spark People and I think for right now I need to focus on that until it becomes more second nature. If I starting thinking I must do this, and this, and this, I’m likely to do none of it. So that’s my rationale for sitting my ass on the couch and doing nothing.

The majority of my exercise is walking. Commuting to work gives me a baseline of twelve miles each week. I’ve also started using a walk tracking app on my phone. I love it because I can take a spontaneous path and not have to worry about remembering every detour when I map the route when I get home. I’ve also been doing some calisthenics, but I haven’t been disciplined about it. Usually, it amounts to doing some pushups while my oatmeal is cooking if I don’t have any dishes to wash.

I’ve been a lazy piece of shit for the past week. I’m paying for a gym membership … I really need to go to the gym. Ugh. But I’m just so damn lazy. bloooooooooooooooooob. Maybe my arm muscles will get bigger if I buy heavier forks. And spoons.

This week we’re supposed to talk about exercise. I don’t feel the need to change my exercise regime, as I was getting quite a bit of exercise before we started. I mean, several times in an evening, I had to drag my fat ass off the couch, ya know, to get something to eat, or to pee or whatever. And at least once a day, I have to roll my fat ass outta bed…NOT an easy thing to do, I assure you. So as long as I keep working out like that, I should do really well.

Slow and steady wins the race! Unless you’re pedaling on a stationary bike, that is. Or not, as I’ve been lately. I couldn’t find the “Add dust and cobwebs” filter in Photoshop… but the actual stationary bike and elliptical machine sitting in my attic are gathering more dust than sweat these days. I’ve been struggling with hip and back trouble for months, and at the moment my most strenuous activity is walking (when I’m able) and physical therapy (when I’m good and I remember). But I know I’ve got the equipment waiting there to be dusted off, and surely some day…

Michelle M.
I haven’t exercised at all. I’VE BEEN SICK! I did get my hula hoop, Thighmaster, in-line skates and dumbbells out of the garage for this photo, so that should count for something. Other exercise I haven’t been doing: walking around the lake, riding my bike and Zumba (which I intend to buy/do one day, so that should also count for something).

Mr. Sombrero
Mr. Sombrero has been feeling a bit under the weather past few days and he had to skip a few classes. But on a good week his exercise regimen consist of yoga, calisthenics, and ton, like 7 miles a day, of walking. And somehow I still don’t see the results fast enough. Damn you quesadillas!!!

And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Have You Ever… With A Condom?!

February 14th – 21st is National Condom Week! Originating at the University of California, Berkeley in the ‘70s, National Condom Week is a great time to focus on the importance of safe sex. With Valentine’s Day serving as the kick-off for National Condom Week, we’re reminded to love ourselves enough to prevent the spread of sexually-transmitted diseases and avoid unintended pregnancy. (source)

The rules to Have You Ever?! are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever worn a condom?
2. Have you ever purchased condoms?
3. Have you ever brought a friend with you while you bought condoms to make it less uncomfortable?
4. Have you ever bought condoms while with the person you intended on using them with?
5. Have you ever witnessed a condom being put onto a banana in school?
6. Have you ever used a female condom?
7. Have you ever stretched a condom over your head?
8. Have you ever inflated a condom like a balloon?
9. Have you ever used condoms as water balloons?
10. Have you ever thrown away condoms because they had expired?
11. Have you ever practiced putting on a condom by yourself so you were better at it when the opportunity arose later on?
12. Have you ever masturbated while wearing a condom?
13. Have you ever ejaculated into a condom?
14. Have you ever used a condom with a sex toy?
15. Have you ever put a condom onto someone else?
16. Have you ever performed fellatio on partner that was wearing a condom?
17. Have you ever engaged in sexual activities while wearing a condom?
18. Have you ever engaged in sexual activities while a partner was wearing a condom?
19. Have you or a partner ever worn a condom that was ribbed for his or her pleasure?
20. Have you or a partner ever worn a glow-in-the-dark condom?
21. Have you or a partner ever worn a flavored condom?
22. Have you or a partner ever worn a Magnum (or other brand extra-large) condom?
23. Have you or a partner ever broken a condom while engaging in sexual activities?
24. Have you ever drank ejaculate out of a condom?
25. Have you ever saved a used condom?

What Do You Do When You’re Stressed?

Many of you know that I work as a graphic artist in the newspaper business.  While my office doesn’t really resemble the newspaper offices that you see on TV and in the movies (constant hustle and bustle, a screaming editor, papers flying everywhere), we still operate under tight and strict deadlines.  If the paper is late and we miss our press time, it can cost the company a lot of money.  And with the dwindling newspaper market and the current economy, I don’t want to be responsible for that.  Outside of work, I’m almost always on the move.  Whether it’s my weekly volunteer work, freelance projects, blogging, and splitting my free time between my boyfriend, my family and the rest of my friends… I’m always putting myself under pressure to do more, more, MORE!

But I know that I’m not that special.  Everyone faces countless stresses each day, and somehow we all seem to survive.  This post isn’t about how I cool down after a stressful situation.  Everyone knows that exercise, meditation, relaxation, resting, and all that other crap are great ways to deal with stress after-the-fact.  This blog post is about how I behave during stressful situations.

I like to think that I always remain completely focused under pressure.  And in reality, I am actually quite good at focusing my energy and skills on the task at hand.  That is, until someone or something breaks my focus.  When I’m very busy at work, it drives me crazy when people stand next to my desk and chit chat about stupid things.  I’m busy and I don’t care about your dumb children or what your plans for the weekend are.  It’s going to snow?!  Seriously?!  I don’t care.  There are better places to talk about your stupid life than right next to my desk.

There’s a old family heirloom that’s been passed down from generation to generation, which I usually keep hidden deep within me.  It’s my crazy, lunatic, fire-breathing, Earth-scorching temper.  Growing up and seeing this temper manifest itself in other family members, I’ve always vowed that it would never escape.  When I’m stressed out, I can feel the steam escaping from my ears.  The fire bubbling up within my chest.  My vision turns red.  My body temperature raises… but that’s it.  In my adult life, I don’t think it’s ever made it any further.  It pounds on the exit door, but it has never manifested itself in words or actions.  People say that keeping these emotions bottled up inside isn’t good for you.  Trust me, it is good for you.

Okay, so my temper doesn’t really escape, but little spurts of steam may occasionally escape from the boiling kettle that is my mouth.  I like to curse.  Some people view a person with a foul mouth as uneducated and unrefined.  I like to think of it as just another way to express myself.  And when I’m stressed, dropping a few F-bombs here and there helps.  I’ve also been referring to a lot of people as ‘sluts’ a lot lately.  While driving: “GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU STUPID SLUT!!!!”  I’m not really sure when and why that started happening…

It’s not really conducive to our weight loss competition, but I often stress eat.  I also depression eat, happiness eat, Wednesday eat, morning eat, afternoon eat, evening eat, rainy day eat, sunny day eat, cloudy day eat, and sometimes I just eat.  I may not look that fat, but my exterior self is constantly at war with my 800lb interior self.  And as I’m stressing my way through life, it’s hard not to just eat everything in sight.

I can’t remember the last deadline that I’ve missed, but that’s not to say that I don’t procrastinate.  When I have a daunting freelance project to complete by the end of a day, I often spend most of that day watching TV, cleaning my house and napping.  Then I work like a crazy person to finish the project right on time.  All the while thinking of other ways to procrastinate.

And then I’ll start cursing, focusing, eating, getting angry, procrastinating more, and then cursing even more.  I’m not saying that my methods are healthy… but I’ve lasted this long, so they can’t be that bad.  So what do you do when you’re stressed?  Run away?  Ignore it?  Cry?  Pull out your own hair?  Or maybe you never experience stress.  You just float around on a cloud of happiness every day without a care in the world.  If that’s the case, then please don’t bother commenting on this blog post.  You’re a slut, and I fucking hate you!  But if you’re like me and you experience stress in your life, then tell me all about what you do in the comments.  I’ll catch up with you later — I gotta go find a snack…

Photos were all taken with Cameroid.com.