Tag Archives: dreams

Stuff I actually dream about

In my last post I talked about the things I like to daydream about.
But what do I dream about when I’m fast asleep? Let’s find out…

Monday I dreamed that Jessica Simpson was coming out with a line of butter candies. The flavors she had were: buttered toast, buttered popcorn, hot buttered rum and baked potato with butter. She needed my help to come up with the 5th flavor. I suggested buttered waffles.

Tuesday I dreamed that I worked at the Mad Men offices. I was going through everyone’s files to find out what their salaries were. I’m sneaky that way.

Wednesday I dreamed that I was hanging out with Lynda Carter/Wonder Woman. She was really impressed that I had a gold ring with three purple stones (I do not really have a gold ring with three purple stones).

Thursday I dreamed that I was a consumer reporter analyzing pool rafts.

Friday I dreamed that I couldn’t open my high school locker. It seemed I spent all night trying to open my combination lock. I hate those kinds of dreams. (In high school my locker combination was 10-16-38).

Saturday I dreamed that I was in charge of refreshments for the Honey Boo Boo airshow (she would jump out of an airplane and fly to the ground). I couldn’t find a dozen doughnuts, cupcakes or cookies, so I had to mix and match. It was very frustrating.

On Sunday I dreamed that I went to a party thrown by Kathy Griffin. I par-tayed until the wee hours. The next day Liam Neeson was mad at me for keeping his little boy out all night long. I guess I was supposed to be babysitting him – oops.

So what does any of this mean? Who cares. At least I didn’t dream that my teeth were falling out or that I had a mouth full of gum. My favorite dreams are flying dreams – but I rarely have those. What are some of the weird dreams you have? Let me know in comments!


A Call for Guest Posts!

We’re tired!  Posting every day is exhausting.  Michelle and I want to go on vacation next week … will you help us?  We’re looking for a few good guest posters to help pick up the slack.  Will you help us??  Email cockyandrudedotcom@gmail.com to announce your intentions and email your post to Adam by end-of-day Sunday (3/25).  Thanks for helping us make our dream a reality!

Kissing M. Night Shyamalan, In My Dreams!

Last Friday night, I had a dream that I kissed M. Night Shyamalan.  It wasn’t an open-mouth, tongue kiss or anything, just a few little pecks.  Actually, I think that Dream Adam tried to go a little further, but M. Night wasn’t interested.  I guess he was too much of a gentleman.

I almost never have romantic dreams.  Honestly, this is probably the most dream-action I’ve gotten in years.  I’ve always been jealous of people that have big crazy sex dreams.  A no regret, no disease tryst in the middle of sleepy time?  What could be better?  (Other than sexitime with M. Night Shyamalan in real life?!)


0:08 – Check out this mildly attractive doofus. He has sex dreams! Jealous!

0:10 – I like his t-shirt, but why does he have so many things plugged into that electrical outlet? Fire hazard!

0:19 – I don’t need any of these things because I never have sex dreams.  ((cries))

0:21 – Is that lube on his bedside table? Oh, wait … it’s just contact lens solution.

0:39 – OMG that girl has horns!

0:41 – mildly attractive doofus needs to do more sit-ups … and he needs to clean up his bedroom before making web videos.

0:51 – Eww! Where’d his chin go?!

1:10 – Maybe I don’t feel like I am being ignored and/or fear being abandoned? No, that can’t be right.

1:22 – Bewbz represent nurturance and sexual arousal? I’m so confused! I thought p33n did that?!

1:28 – So … for homosexual people, does straight sexitime represent self love? That doesn’t seem right…

1:35 – Why do expectant fathers have homogay dreams? I bet it’s because they’re so grossed out by the giant seed of Satan in their ladyfriend’s enormously fat belly that they secretly wanna switch to the cool team.

1:40 – Mildly attractive doofus has weird handwriting.

1:46 – And he writes all of his letters backwards! What’s with that?!

1:52 – Yay! Mildly attractive doofus has sex dreams that star his cross-dressing tranny brother/sister!

My fingers are cross that I’ll have another dream-date with M. Night Shyamalan soon.  Hopefully on our second date he won’t be such a prude!  Then I’ll be able to use everything I learned in this helpful video to make sense out of all of my strange feelings!  M. is probably a gentle lover, but I’m sure that every sexitime encounter would have to end with a predictable twist ending.  Either that, or he has to do about 10 minutes of tai-chi before showing me his superpower.

Now I wanna hear all about your sex dreams (preferably the homogay kind).  Please remember to include a detailed description of hot celebrity penises.  Thanks!

Dream on

I told Adam I would post today and when I got home last night I had every intention of writing this post that you are reading, but I made one fatal mistake.  I got into bed.  That meant that as soon as my head hit the pillow I fell into a deep sleep.  I awoke several hours later with my face and pillow covered in gobs of drool.  Some people find drool gross, but for me it is a sign that I had an amazing period of not being awakeness.  As one who is prone to periods of extreme insomnia, I’m always grateful for the “mike has been knocked out by something” sleep that comes on occasion. When I awoke, I felt rested and rejuvenated.  Unfortunately it was 4am so I didn’t think there was much I could do besides try to go back to sleep.

I also had the chance to reflect back on the really messed up dream that I was having during this drool session.  I was sitting around a conference room with my ex and some coworkers as we negotiated the terms of dividing up my heart and soul.  Seriously we were sitting around discussion what portion of my heart would remain in my ex’s possession and what portion was to be returned to me.  As for my soul, I think my boss decided that it belongs to him.  There is nothing like your personal life and your work life being summoned to you in your sleep as a manifestation of all your deepest darkest psychological trauma!

It got me thinking about my dreams and what they mean to me.  For a long time, I would just think they are kinda fun and occasionally terrifying insights into my nighttime thoughts.  Recently, I have taken to trying to remember them more fully, putting myself back into them, and then trying to remember how I was feeling during them.  When I remember them this way, I feel a sense of liberation and freedom from them afterward.  The nightmares I have don’t haunt me like they sometimes did.

So what do you think about your dreams?  Are they just jumbled crap from your past day or do you think they mean something else?

I know I’m looking forward to my dream tonight wherein I am worried that Adam is mad at me because I posted in the morning rather than getting this done before I went to bed.  That’s just my neurosis talking!