Tag Archives: disappoint

Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!

I’ve written so many of these damn Have You Ever quizzes that I actually searched C&R and Googled to make sure that I haven’t already written an ‘On Your Birthday’ one. If it does exist, I can’t find it. So here it is! In honor of my upcoming birthday: Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!

You know the rules but I’ll tell you anyway: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever had a birthday?
2. Have you ever received a crappy gift on your birthday?
3. Have you ever bought yourself a present on your birthday?
4. Have you ever worked on your birthday?
5. Have you ever thrown yourself a party on your birthday?
6. Have you ever been surprised by a birthday party at work on your birthday?
7. Have you ever been surprised by a surprise party on your birthday?
8. Have you ever baked yourself a cake on your birthday?
9. Have you ever received a free meal at a restaurant on your birthday?
10. Have you ever received a free drink at a bar on your birthday?
11. Have you ever turned into a gluttonous cake monster on your birthday?
12. Have you ever thrown up on your birthday?
13. Have you ever been disappointed (for any reason) on your birthday?
14. Have you ever lied about your age on your birthday?
15. Have you ever forgotten your own birthday?
16. Have you ever ignored your birthday and hoped it would just go away?
17. Have you ever cried on your birthday?
18. Have you ever gotten really drunk on your birthday?
19. Have you ever used illegal drugs on your birthday?
20. Have you ever had to spend your birthday alone?
21. Have you ever broken up with someone on your birthday?
22. Have you ever deleted your birthday on Facebook just to see who really remembers your birthday?
23. Have you ever had sex on your birthday?
24. Have you ever received any type of sex act as a birthday gift?
25. Have you ever slept with a prostitute on your birthday?

Tell us your total in the comments!


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It’s The Thursday Four!

My new haircut looks something like this.

Much like the ‘Friday Five’, the ‘Thursday Four’ is an exploration of great things.  …except there are four things instead of five.  …and it’s Thursday and not Friday.  …and it doesn’t really have the same ring as ‘Friday Five’.  OH WELL!  This week Michelle M. and I got together (figuratively, not literally) to present these four great things to you.  Read ’em and weep, suckers!

1. Grooming myself! (and having other people groom me.)  This week I trimmed my beard really short, AND got a haircut!  I look marvelous!  I’d post a photo, but I’ve gotten so fat that I hardly look like myself anymore.  (Hurray for BC&RL3!)  Either that or I’m just super lazy tonight.  ANYWAY — I love having a closely shorn head and face.  Is that weird? -Adam

Fuck you, Chris Christie!

2. Chris Christie vetoed gay marriage!  After I’ve finally gotten over the fact that he fired every teacher in NJ, I needed a new reason to hate that fat Republican fuck.  And he did not disappoint — last week he vetoed gay marriage!  Yay Chris Christie!  Now I have a reason hate you forever.  If I ever see you in person, I promise to spit on you.  People just don’t spit on each other enough these days.  Unless they need emergency lubrication — but that’s a whole ‘nother story. -Adam

3. Downton Abbey* – what a great show. Season two has just ended, but there will be a season three, and Shirley MacLaine will play Lady Cora’s mother. Yay! Here is a clip from Saturday Night Live if you haven’t been watching and would like a rundown on the show. – Michelle M.

They see me rollin', they hatin', patrollin' Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty.

4. And look! There are Downton Abbey paper dolls, in case you’re going through DA withdrawal like me. I love the faces for the Chicken Lady, er, Dowager Countess, O’Brien’s evil soap and Mr. Pamuk. – Michelle M.

Runners up: The Good Wife*, reusable shopping bags, complaining, spending other people’s money, liquid wart remover,lazy posts, pregnant ladies, selling crap on eBay, adorably tiny bottles of diet soda, eating like a pig before BC&RL3, and hardcore gay pornography.

That’s our Thursday Four … what’s yours?

*Why isn’t this show on Our T.V. Night??

Spring’s FINAL Piss Puddle Game!

It’s been quite a while since my last Piss Puddle game … and there’s actually a reason.  A month or so ago, Adam and I were shopping at our local fancy pet boutique (Walmart) and we decided that it was healthier for me and better for the environment to switch to a all-natural, corn-based kitty litter.  Sadly, my new litter does not leave very obvious piss puddles … so we assumed that the Piss Puddle game had run its course.  But then, Michelle M. kindly included my Piss Puddle on the Cocky & Rude bingo card.  What were we to do?  We couldn’t disappoint millions of Black Out Bingo players by never completing the card!

So together, we rooted around in the back of our supply cabinet and discovered that there was just enough of my old litter left over for one final puddle.  First Adam held me over my litter box and squeezed my hind-side.  As you would expect, I refused to piss.  Adam then shook me up and down until I scratched him and ran away.  Then he considered using his own urine … but he decided that it was “too uncivilized” — what a douche!  Finally I watched as he drew this final Piss Puddle with some water and a measuring cup.  What a stupid cheater!

You know the rules.  Tell me what you think this “Piss Puddle” looks like in the comments.  You better come up with something more creative than Adam was thinking when he drew that stupid dick-shaped puddle.