Tag Archives: C&R Fight Club

The Twelve Days of Whatever

On the first day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the second day of Whatever, my true love gave to me –
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.



On the third day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – four Mikeys licking, three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses…
four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – seven schlongs a swingin’,
six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Eight Tams a riding,
seven schlongs a swingin’, six poos a ploppin, five naked asses…
four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Nine commenters commenting,
eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’, six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses…
four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Ten armless Adams,
nine commenters commenting, eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’,
six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls,
two puntabupedes and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Eleven pissy puddles, ten armless Adams, nine commenter commenting, eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’, six poos a ploppin’,
five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes
and a parakeet in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Whatever, my true love gave to me – Twelve boxers boxing, eleven pissy puddles, ten armless Adams, nine commenters commenting, eight Tams a riding, seven schlongs a swingin’,
six poos a ploppin’, five naked asses… four Mikeys licking, three more polls, two puntabupedes
and a parakeet in a pear tree.

Happy holidays to my C&R family!

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The Cocky Chronicles 1.04

Episode 1.01 | Episode 1.02 | Episode 1.03

For more adventures of Super Viagra & Vagina Girl, go to Puntabulous.com

AND THE C&R FIGHT CLUB WINNER IS…

This week we saw our two Cocky & Rude Fight Club finalists, Michelle M. and Ryan face off for the title of Cocky & Rude Fight Club Ultimate Champion.

After one thousands weeks of Cocky & Rude Fight Club…

And a grand total of 742 votes…

THE WINNER IS…

Continue reading AND THE C&R FIGHT CLUB WINNER IS…

C&R Fight Club Final Round: Michelle M. vs. Ryan

Welcome to FINAL ROUND of Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.    First I’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet the final two contestants:


MICHELLE M.

Round 1: Michelle M. defeats Oprah Winfrey
Round 2: Michelle M. defeats Captain Kirk and Polt
Round 3: Michelle M. defeats “The Kid” and FDot

The fact that Ryan is younger, taller and in better shape than I am means nothing. Nothing!  Ryan is pure evil. Seriously. The only way someone could achieve the willpower to lose weight and buff up their bod so quickly and thoroughly is by going to the Dark side. All I need is a few sips of Pepsi and I will go Yoda* on his ass. I can polish off a cupcake faster than the Millennium Falcon can jump to lightspeed. The Force is with me. Little, ancient wrinkled me.

*CGI Yoda, not muppet Yoda.

-Michelle


RYAN WITH A CUPCAKE

Round 1: Ryan defeats The Muffin Man
Round 2: Ryan defeats Adam and Chris D.
Round 3: Ryan defeats Mr. Sombrero and Ty

Finally! Now Adam will stop nagging me. I congratulate Michelle on her success so far, but it has sadly come to an end. To console her, I have this totally not deadly* cantaloupe for her.

I have a few advantages that will lead me to victory. First, the demographics of this site skew heavily toward those who prefer looking at fit guys in tight shirts over girls wearing anything (or nothing). Second, in the event that this shifts from a popularity contest to a Nerf sword duel, I believe that my childhood has believe my childhood has prepared me for success. Finally, the cantaloupe.

*Description of cantaloupe as not deadly does not imply any guarantee that the cantaloupe is not deadly.

-Ryan


WHO WILL BE THE C&R FIGHT CLUB ULTIMATE CHAMPION?? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Michelle M. and Ryan for your assistance with this post!

C&R Fight Club: After 664 Votes…

It was another intense week of Cocky & Rude Fight Club this week as we quickly approach the final round.  Thursday’s match of Mr. Sombrero vs. Ty vs. Ryan brought out 664 impassioned voters as the three gentlemen battled their way into the final match.  Earning FIRST PLACE impressive 269 votes was none other than RYAN with 41% of the popular vote.  Coming in second place was Mr. Sombrero with 206 votes, or 31% of the popular vote.  And in a not-so-distant last place was Ty, with 189 votes, or 28% of the popular vote.  We bid farewell to Mr. Sombrero and Ty, and welcome Ryan into the ring for the FINAL MATCH with Michelle M.!

Congratulations, Ryan!

C&R Fight Club Round 3: Mr. Sombrero vs. Ty vs. Ryan

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND THREE!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters.  We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Each week of Round Three, we’ll drop three Round Two winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote.  Today’s contestants are: Mr. Sombrero, Ty & Ryan.

In his C&R Round 1 Fight, the man from south of the border, Mr. Sombrero faced off against the redneck from north of the border, a Border Patrolman.  Mr. Sombrero proved victorious when he beat the Minuteman with a stunning 98% of the popular vote.  In round 2, the señor Sombrero faced off against C&R writer Mikey and the knitting/veterinarian/superstar, Mel.  Sombrero was again victorious, trouncing the pair with a surprising 45% of the popular vote.  How will he stand up against Ty and Ryan?  Only time will tell!

So far, I’ve destroyed uno, dos, TRES opponents in this silly battle.  What makes you silly American think that I can’t defeat DOS more?  I come from Mexico, where we murder people for fun.  I will rain down on all of you with the hot sauce fiery fury of a Taco Bell restroom!  Ty?  That silly, bald American could never win at the Mexican version of Jeopardy!  In our version, we play for tacos and kill the losers.  And the winners.  And Ryan?  My churro could beat his cupcake any day of the week.  I will destroy them both with my sombrero pulled down over my eyes! ¡Ay, caramba y yo quiero Taco Bell! -Mr. Sombrero

In his C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, resident Jeopardy! genius Ty faced off against the the wheelchair-bound Stephen Hawking.  After a fierce competition, The theoretical physicist and cosmologist proved no match for man that tells federal judges what to do, when Ty trounced Hawking with 73% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, a very pale Ty faced off against the recently employed Mush and law student extraordinaire, Jere.  Ty proved that he wasn’t only good at fighting physically disabled people when he beat the two with 44% of the popular vote.  Will his pale skin and giant brain be enough to defeat Mr. Sombrero and Ryan?  Soon we’ll find out!

I didn’t sign up for this, I’m up against the head writer’s boyfriend, and — AND — even if I win, I have to face a  Wonder Woman at least 2.5 times as sassy as Lynda Carter.  In light of all that, I don’t really have the energy for smack talk.  Instead, here’s TV Guide’s summary for tonight’s episode of Whitney: “Whitney catches Alex eyeing [sic] a sightly woman and punishes him by refusing to talk to him.” YEAH!!!! -Ty

In his C&R Fight Club Round 1 battle, Ryan with a Cupcake faced off against his mortal enemy, The Muffin Man.  The voice of the people was strong (and muffin-hating) as Ryan managed to earn a fantastic 99% of the popular vote.  In Round 2, Ryan faced off against blogging superstar and world celebrity, the cocky, the rude, the egomaniac: Adam … and Chris D.  And Adam won! Somehow, Ryan managed to defeat the dynamic duo with 49% of the popular vote.  Adam thinks that he may have cheated.  (He didn’t.)  Will he cupcake his way to victory against Mr. Sombrero and Ty?  We’ll find out soon enough!

Judging by his trash talk in the last round, Ty is just another nice guy. I would have thought that the milkman would have taught Ty how to stand up for himself. Meanwhile, all I have to do is take Mr. Sombrero’s hat to give him a crippling crisis of identity.


Who will win in the battle of  Mr. Sombrero vs. Ty vs. Ryan?  There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Mr. Sombrero, Ty & Ryan for your assistance with this post!

C&R Fight Club: After 1,714 Votes…

Cocky & Rude Fight Club is on FIRE as we quickly approach the final round.  Thursday’s match of Michelle M. vs. “The Kid” vs. FDot brought about the most votes that ANY C&R poll has EVER received: an extraordinary 1,741 votes!  Earning an amazing 919 votes, or 53% of the popular vote was none other than Michelle M.!  Coming in second place was “The Kid” with a fantastic showing of 804 votes, or 46% of the popular vote.  And in last place with a pathetic 18 votes, or 1% of the popular vote was FDot.  It seems that his chocolate chip cookie bribes have gone completely stale.  This means that Michelle M. will compete in he FINAL ROUND of C&R Fight Club, with the chance to be crowned the Cocky & Rude Fight Club Ultimate Champion!  We mourn the loss of “The Kid” and FDot, who (up until now) both proved to be very strong competitors in the C&R Fight Club ring.  We’ll find out who will join Michelle M. in the final round in exactly one week.

Congratulations, Michelle M.!