Tag Archives: Congratulations

How To Get Super Ripped So Everyone Wants To Have Sex With You!

I was paging through the latest issue of Details magazine and I don’t know why, but this article caught my eye.

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It’s all about The Six Fastest Ways To Get Ripped; which are (1) pull-ups, (2) bench presses, (3) squats, (4) farmers walks*, (5) military presses* and (6) deadlifts*. BUT I DISAGREE! That list is complete bullshit.

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Here’s my list of The Fastest 6 Ways to Get Ripped:

1. Have good genes.
2. Exercise 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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3. Take lots of steroids.
4. Never eat anything that tastes good.

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5. When the photographer comes, make sure you’re super tan, dehydrated, and covered in oil.
6. Make sure that they Photoshop the crap out of you so you look perfect!

CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are super ripped and everyone wants to have sex with you!

*You may be wondering WTF farmers walks, military presses and deadlifts are. I have no idea. If I had actually read the article, I could probably tell you.


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Mikey & Ty Are Married!!!!!!!!

On Saturday, we celebrated the marriage of two of our close friends: Mikey and Ty!
Congratulations to the happy couple, as you begin your life together.  We love you!

Lots more photos from Mikey & Ty’s wedding can be found here:
http://view.weddingsnap.com/app/album/michael321/


Stuff I daydream about.

Life is harsh. Sometimes the best thing to do is slip into a nice daydream. Here’s just some of the stuff I like to imagine while I’m stargazing, woolgathering or just plain avoiding reality.

My most frequent daydream is of winning the mega millions lottery.
But The Publisher’s Clearing House prize would do just fine. I’m not picky.

After I win my millions, Harry and I will travel. Some of the places I fantasize about going to are Fiji (or any tropical island, really), Santorini, Austria, Australia, The U.K., Copenhagen and Belgium (I hear they make a good french fry…).

I like to pretend that I’m a ballerina. And not just a ballerina, but a prima ballerina assoluta.

I also like to daydream that I’m a singer/songwriter with a multi-octave range.
Here I am performing at one of my sold out concerts.

One of my favorite sports is figure skating. I like to imagine what music I would skate to, what costumes I would wear and what it would feel like to win an Olympic gold medal (in my head I have also won the gold in equestrian events, diving, skiing and gymnastics).

Have you heard? I’m (supposed to be) writing a novel. Of course, I like to think it will be a #1 best selling book. It will, of course, be optioned for a movie. And I’ll have so much fun traveling around the country staying in 5 star hotels and doing book signings. Make sure you come out to see me when I come to a bookstore near you!

Naturally I’ll win a best screenplay Oscar when I adapt my book for film. I’ll receive a standing ovation for my humble and humorous, yet touching acceptance speech.

Once I win the Oscar, maybe they’ll give me a whack at writing that Wonder Woman movie I’ve been waiting for…

All my daydreams aren’t frivolous, though. Sometimes I pretend that I’ve come up with the cure for cancer, paralysis or any other number of illnesses/diseases. The Nobel prize, Time cover for Person of the Year, money and accolades will all be secondary to the knowledge that I am helping the human race.

Some of my daydreams are actually attainable. I often wish that my house was sparkling clean, my laundry and ironing is all done, the cupboards and refrigerator are filled with food, and I’m at my goal weight. Then I can completely relax while watching movies and reading a stack of books guilt-free.

So what do you like to daydream about? Flying to the moon? Scoring the game winning touchdown? Being the homecoming queen? Stealing Mr. Sombrero away from Adam? Let me know in comments!


Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Ryan Wins!

This is it!  The final week is complete!  Today we reveal the winner of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3, the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh!  But before we make it official and name Ryan as the winner, let’s check in with our contestants one final time and find out how they’re doing.  How do they feel about the contest?  Are they proud or disappointed?  Would they do it again?  Here’s what they had to say, in order of Rudest Loser to Biggest Cock:


MR. SOMBRERO: 8th Place, RUDEST LOSER!
It’s been quite a ride. I’m nowhere near the goal I set for myself but I did manage to lose few tiny pounds of blubber. I think I would be better at it if I didn’t have to write all these weekly updates 8-/ (was that the right emoticon for rolling eyes? Anywho, I will continue ‘participating’ even after this contest is done so maybe by the next round I’ll be more disciplined. And now, if you’ll excuse me, imma go celebrate with señor Cuervo.


POLT: 7th Place!
So this is then, the Final Week. Comparing this with my first photo, you can see I lost the weight, but kept all the skin. *SIGH* What did I think of the contest? Same as the others, although it was fun to check each week and see how everybody else was doing. Would I do it again? Sure why not? I’ve been in all three of them so far, right? Why not a fourth, if there is one? And how did I do? Well, I didn’t lose as much weight as I wanted, but then again, weight loss has always been a secondary goal. I’m on the diet to get my blood sugar under control, per the doctor. And I won’t know how successful I was at that until the middle of June when I get my blood work results. But at any rate, it was fun, congrats to everyone who did better than me (which I presume is everyone else), and I’ll see ya all again in the fourth contest (if there IS one).


ADAM: 6th Place!
I managed to lose of bit of weight during the course of BC&RL3, but overall I’m fairly disappointed with myself. I had hoped to jump start a significant weight loss and that didn’t happen … yet. Losing weight is a constant battle and I really just need to get my head in the game. Am I proud of myself? Yes! Somebody’s gotta be proud of me! ((self hug)) Would I do it again? OF COURSE! (It’s my website, I don’t have a choice!) Love to you all and congrats to Ryan!!


TWOPI: 5th Place!
I’m submitting the same photo that I started this competition with, as I feel like I’m just getting started on my diet, WWO-style. I’m pleased that I managed some modest weight loss in BC&RL3, but I need more dramatic changes to get to where I want to be.


TAM: 4th Place!
Well, overall I’m disappointed in my result. I know it’s mostly because I didn’t exercise but it did make me more conscious of what’s going into my mouth, not a bad thing and it’s nice to know I’m not the only slack ass out there who can’t stick to a diet. Yay for the lazy dieters club. I intend on keeping up the efforts and keep trying. Maybe I’ll even put more effort in. Or not. I’m not sure but I’m going to not be so oblivious as I go forward, so thanks for that C&R, it’s been fun, sort of.


MICHELLE M.: 3rd Place!
I’m sad the contest is over. Because I’m only about halfway to my goal weight – I went from being a hippo to a pig. But I’m proud of myself because I lost 7 pounds. It’s hard for me to lose weight now that I’m older, so I’ll take what I can get. Too bad I didn’t work out… But I’m going to keep on keepin’ on until I lose the rest of the weight. I don’t want to have to participate in BC&RL 4 next year!


MIKEY: 2nd Place!
Am I proud of myself? YES! I lost more weight in this round of BC&RL than I did in the previous rounds. Also, I’m eating healthier and going to continue to lose weight even now that this stupid thing is over. I will celebrate by commencing operation starvation. Will I do the contest again? YES. Especially if I can end up winning like he was formerly in cupcake form.


RYAN: 1st Place, BIGGEST COCK!!!
I am happy to have lost some more weight, but I’m a little disappointed that I wasn’t as disciplined as last time. At least I’m no longer embarrassed to take off my shirt.


And now the results:

CONGRATULATIONS RYAN!!!
YOU ARE THE BIGGEST COCK!!!
…AND You Won Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!


Oscar Contest Results-O-Rama!

Did you watch the Oscar awards on Sunday?  The whole show?  And you managed to stay awake?!  AMAZING!!  You deserve an award.  But too bad!  There’s only one award that we’re handing out today… the award for the 2nd Annual Cocky & Rude Oscar Contest!  This year’s winner correctly predicted 20 of the 24 Academy Award categories.  AND NOW … without further ado … (after all, why wait until the end of the post when the winner is someone who has never commented on C&R before?), the winner is: Bart Randall from Los Angeles, California!  Yippee!  Hurray!  Woohoo!!!  Congratulations!

Already in the mail and jetting its way to California is an assortment of seven movie theater-style candies, two packs of microwave popcorn and a brand new DVD of Lindsay Lohan in Walt Disney’s Herbie Fully Loaded!  Wow, what a great prize!

So how did I tabulate the results?  In a giant messy spreadsheet!  Check it out!

Here’s the full roundup of the results:

My favorite two category results were Best Cinematography and Best Actor in a Supporting Role.  Why, you ask?

It’s because 100% of the people that entered the 2nd Annual Cocky & Rude Oscar Contest chose the Best Cinematography winner incorrectly.  You’re all dummies!  (And so am I!)  In the Best Supporting Actor category, nearly everyone picked the correct winner (which was Christopher Plummer for Beginners) — EXCEPT Tam and Polt.  Ha!  They stink!  Lolz!

Each year we invite contest participants to predict the Best and Worst Dressed Academy Award celebrity attendee.  Since these categories are subjective, they do not count towards final scores.

This Year’s Best Dressed Predictions:

Meryl Streep, Viola Davis and Michelle Williams all tied for Best Dressed with three votes each.  Emma Stone was next with two votes, and then everyone else tied with one vote each.

This Year’s Worst Dressed Predictions:

Meryl Streep won Worst Dressed with three votes.  Glenn Close, Michelle Williams, Rooney Mara and Sacha Baron Cohen tied for second place with two votes each.  Everyone else tied with one vote each.

Congratulations to Meryl Streep and Michelle Williams for being our (predicted) Best AND Worst Dressed celebrities!  And Congratulations to Bart Randall for winning the 2nd Annual Cocky & Rude Oscar Contest! So what did you think of this year’s Oscar Awards?  Any surprises?  Who was the best & worst dressed of the night?  What did you think of Jennifer Lopez’s nip, Angelina Jolie’s emaciated leg, Billy Crystal’s break out from the old folks home, and the rest of Sunday night’s silliness?  Any thoughts for next year?  Who should host?  Do you even care about the Oscars?  Let’s discuss in the comments!!

[NSFW?] “Like Disco Lemonade…”

It’s Your Friday Five!

This week I decided to do something a little different with the Friday Five.  I invited four of the C&Rmy to contribute their favorites of the week, and with our powers combined … I present Your Friday Five!

1. Laura Dern (submitted by Craig) Laura Dern winning a Golden Globe for Enlightened was about the only win I could muster up the energy to get remotely excited about last Sunday. The Descendants? The Artist? The Help? Jeez, what is with all the stupid movie titles starting with The? Boring! I’ve loved Laura Dern since 1993 when she starred in my favorite movie ever, Jurassic Park, and her new show Enlightened is pretty much the best thing ever. And it doesn’t start with The.

2. Channeling Morpheus (submitted by Tam) This week at my other blog Brief Encounters, we had vamp week where we profiled a series of short vampire stories called Channeling Morpheus by Jordan Castillo Price. This is one of the best vampire series I’ve ever read.  It’s horror, it’s grungy dirty nasty sex (the best kind after hardcore gay porn), it’s vigilante justice, and Wild Bill (the vamp) describes Michael (his human love interest & anti-vampire vigilante) as his “homicidal eye-candy.” This is actually a 10 book series, but the first five have just been re-released. Jordan is an amazing writer, and these books are uber-creepy and hot and gruesome at the same time. (check out the reviews) Although we review “romance,” it’s not your traditional romance by a mile, and if anyone wants to try all five e-books (about 250 pages total), you can leave a comment on Jordan’s interview posts (Monday & Tuesday) before midnight today to win a set. I plan to reread the first five this weekend.

3. Billy on the Street (submitted by Michelle M.) Billy on the Street! It’s my new favorite show. Billy is hilarious. He is my new BFF (and Adam’s too).


 
4.Being a Technical Master of Washing Machines (Adam wrote this crap) This week my mother bought a new washing machine.  After the first load, we knew there was a problem.  The clothes were ending the washing cycle completely soaked — there was either an issue with the spin cycle or the washer was not draining properly.  What were we to do?  My mother called for service, but I had another idea.  10 bucks, a trip to Lowes, a bit of plastic tubing, some tools and my innate manliness resulted in a fixed appliance!  (The very tight drain tube wasn’t draining, and lengthening it a bit seems to have fixed the issue.)  Clearly I am a technical master!

5. Dogs & Wedding Proposals (submitted by Mikey) Who needs any of the other four on this list?  I sure as hell don’t. Why do you ask?  Well let’s see I came home from work on Tuesday to find a surprise waiting for me at home: an amazingly adorable English Bulldog named Roscoe.  His presence in my house was enough to make my heart soar.  But then I took a closer look at the heart shaped tag he was wearing.  It simply read “Will you marry me? Love, Ty”  If you haven’t heard yet, I said yes.  The result is me being unable to stop skipping on my way to work and breaking into song.  Be happy you don’t work in my office.


And seriously, how the hell can anyone top that?

CONGRATULATIONS MIKEY & TY!

This week’s Friday Five featured award winners, awesome television, Hollywood stars, manic game shows, vampires, hardcore gay porn, books, contests, dogs, washing machines, technical wizardry, innate manliness, marriage proposals, dog tags, and probably a whole bunch more crap that I’ve already forgotten.  What could be better than that?  Maybe your week?  Tell us your Friday Five in the comments!