Tag Archives: clothes

Biggest C&R Loser 2013

Biggest_CR_Loser_2013

Welcome to the first week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40!  But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s meet this year’s contestants and find out their motivation for participating:


Adam

Adam
I need to drop some weight before I require a Jazzy Power Scooter. And it’s get’n close.


Michelle M.

MichelleM
I am participating because my ass has recently acquired its own moon. I hope to drop at least 10 pounds.


Mikey

Mikey_bigbones
Why am I doing this? Since losing weight for my wedding…I am very fat. It sucks. My goal is to be lose between 20-35 pounds. It can be done.


Mr. Sombrero

MrSombrero
This year I plan on kicking all your asses and losing a crap-load of weight! Woohoo!


Nathan

Nathan
I’ve included a photo of me looking as rotund as possible so that no matter what, my end photo will look way better. It’s all about setting the bar low. Alright, well, I’ve decided to join the competition this year since it’s part of my New Year’s plans anyways, so now I should at least feel some pressure from my throngs of Internet fans. I hope to shed a few pounds this year so that I won’t have to buy new clothes (which I will have to do if I gain any more weight).


Polt

Polt
So, I’m supposed to tell you why I’m doing this and what I hope to accomplish. Okay, I’m doing it because I’ve participated in every one of these things in the past, it’s tradition! I mean, it wouldn’t be a C&R Biggest Loser contest without Polt not winning it, now would it? And what do I hope to accomplish? Well, winning the money would be pretty nifty, but we all know that ain’t gonna happen. I suppose what I hope to accomplish is to not come in last. The photo is one I used a few years ago, and since I’ve not changed much since then, it seems appropriate to use it again.


Tam

Tam
I’m back… again. I don’t think I’ve gained any weight since the last time we tried this, well, I had but I’d lost it again. I was doing pretty well until being home from work every day over Christmas. Having access 24/7 to food is not good. So I’m back on the wagon. My technique this time around? I’m not sure yet. I haven’t thought that far ahead, but I really want to get rid of the stuff I gained back a couple of years ago. Hopefully having to check in here every week will keep me more honest and stop me when I’m tempted to just eat something without thinking. Not that it’s worked in the past, but hey, I can hope.


TwoPi

TwoPi
Here I am again! I felt like I did okay in BC&RL3, where my goal was to steadily lose weight without giving up too much. I was mostly able to keep off the weight I lost last time (at least through mid-November), although I have ballooned a bit over the holidays. So I’m back, this time aiming to alter both diet and exercise routines as best I can. I’m hoping to feel healthier and have more mobility by June.


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Have You Ever… Been Girlie?!

Last week we found out whom amongst us were manly men. Let’s continue gender stereotyping with today’s quiz – Have you ever been girlie?

The rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have you ever?!

1. Have you ever worn a tiara?
2. Have you ever squealed when seeing a mouse, bug or snake?
3. Have you ever worn pink clothing?
4. Have you ever asked someone to open a jar for you?
5. Have you ever used scented stationery?
6. Have you ever carried around a small dog?
7. Have you ever eaten an entire box of chocolates?
8. Have you ever carried on over a teen idol or boy band?
9. Have you ever watched a chick flick?
10. Have you ever cried to get out of a ticket?
11. Have you ever played with My Little Ponies?
12. Have you ever gotten a manicure or pedicure?
13. Have you ever ordered a fruity/girlie cocktail?
14. Have you ever colored your hair?
15. Have you ever worn make-up?
16. Have you ever had more than 4 pillows on your bed?
17. Have you ever had more than 20 pairs of shoes?
18. Have you ever dotted your “i”s with smiley faces or hearts?
19. Have you ever played with a paper fortune teller?
20. Have you ever taken a bubble bath (as an adult)?
21. Have you ever had a slumber party?
22. Have you ever asked for directions?
23. Have you ever gone clothes shopping for fun?
24. Have you ever not gone out because you feel too ugly/fat/frumpy?
25. Have you ever read a romance novel?

Now get out your calculator (because math is hard!) and tell us your score in comments.


Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 9

Our eighth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eight weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

People say that you should never sweat the small stuff.  But sometimes it’s the little things that drive us crazy.  This week we asked each of our contestants what one (or more) ‘little things’ are that bother them.  Maybe it’s their blobby fat that hangs over their waist band, or the way that diet food always seems to taste awful.  Here’s what they said:


Tam
When you say little things, I’ll take it literally. Why are little things so fattening? It’s only a few peanuts. They’re miniature M&Ms. It’s just dried cranberries. All of them JAMMED with calories (in addition to good things). All small food should have small calories. If you eat a huge burger, big calories. Tiny cookies, tiny calories. Why are these things not logical?


Mr. Sombrero
There are few things that bother Mr Sombrero. Number one is the scale. It hasn’t moved in weeks. What the frak scale?! I thought we were in this together?! Did Adam put you up to this? [no response] Whatever. Another thing that bothers Mr Sombrero is his full length mirror. I don’t like what I’m seeing. Yes I’m talking to you mirror. Don’t give me that fat look. You know what else bothers Mr S? That kid that lost his cupcakes. Yeah that Ryan kid. Showoff. I think I’ve seen some of his cupcakes hanging around my scale. And another thing, what is up with veggie farts. I mean seriously, enough is enough. And do they have to smell like hipster’s wool hat on a hot and humid urban August afternoon? Yeah these are some of my (least) favorite things…


Ryan
I’m getting tired of tracking everything. It’s the key to my success so far, but it gets really frustrating whenever I eat something outside of my normal routine. The uncertainty of how much food something contains can make planning the rest of the day pointless. This leads me to rely mostly on whether I feel hungry, but this leads to the temptation to let myself have what I want to eat even if I shouldn’t.


Michelle M.
One of the little things I hate is being a girl and trying to lose weight. It’s hard to stay on track when you automatically put on up to 5 pounds of water weight each month. You think you’re being good and the WHAM the numbers on the scale jump up. It’s so discouraging. And craving sugar and salty snacks doesn’t help. Stupid hormones.


TwoPi
What irritates me the most is having to pay attention to the bathroom scale once a week. Bad enough having to stand on the darned thing, which naturally gives out a little creaking noise, as in “Oh my GOHD how many of you ARE there?” Then there’s a number, which is never the number I remember from when I was in high school (roughly the last time in my life I stood on a bathroom scale on a regular basis). And finally, there’s the blasted comparison of this week’s number with last week’s number. Ugh. I feel like a schoolboy who just got called in front of the class and didn’t do his homework. Bleh.


Mikey
The little things I hate are the way my shirts fit and the way that my pants fit. I feel like ALL of my shirts are too small and I float around like the pink iceberg named Fat Betty. My pants however are loose enough that I need a belt, but my belt doesn’t have a hole at the right spot….so they are constantly sagging and showing my ample rear.


Adam
A little thing that I hate?  Clothes that don’t fit.  I’ve gained some weight in the last year — and now the shirts I wore last year aren’t fitting.  Why can’t someone design clothing that grows with you?  Or maybe I should just buy every available size of shirts that I like.  That way one of ’em will always fit!  Think of all the plaid!!!


Polt
So this week we’re talking about the little things we hate. Writing these blurbs each week can be a pain, but I’ll not mention that. And I thought I’d actually have to force myself to be taking walks, but I find I enjoy them, and frankly, feel a bit guilty when I don’t take one at least every other day. No, I think what irritates me the most about this diet thing, is the lack of variety in the food I’m eating. I’m eating all the meat and veggies I want (not that I want, or even eat all that many), but after awhile, I’ve just gotten sick of steak. I’d really like to have a sub and some chips, or a big plate of steaming hot pasta and meatballs, or a huge greasy slice of pizza…but I cant. Steak and salad for me…thank you very much. Ah well, in the end it’ll be worth it, right?


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 2

Our first week is complete!  Today our contestants celebrate one week into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh!  It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Everything is easier if there’s a goal & prize in place.  This week, the contestants were invited to tell us what they will do to reward themselves when they attain their weight-loss goals.  Here’s what they said:



TwoPi
My mid-range goal is to lose 10% and be able to maintain that weight loss. I’m hoping to feel healthier, have better flexibility, and be able to see my doctor without having her recommend yet another fad diet. Most importantly, I don’t want to have to buy new clothes in larger sizes than what I currently wear. So I guess the prize I’m working toward is keeping my current wardrobe intact!



Mikey
My goal is to look hotter than this bitch on my wedding day.  I know that’s  tall order, but everyone knows I’m a bigger queen than she will ever be.  I’m on my way there, too!  Despite four events for Ty’s birthday (including one with a 24 course meal), I managed to lose weight this week.  I’m attributing it to the flop sweat that broke out due to my extreme anxiety during planning the parties!



Mr. Sombrero
My goal is to lose 11% in this round so I can fit into my old pantalones again.



Michelle M.
Like Tam, My goal is to fit back into my jeans. I have been wearing the same pair (or sweats) for I don’t know how long. I refuse to buy more in a bigger size when I have plenty of good ones in my closet.



Tam
Hmmm. I thought about goals. New clothes? Well, that could be a necessity. Books? Ha! That’s a given. So I decided for every 10 lbs I lose I shall buy myself a lovely bouquet of flowers to remind me of what I’ve achieved. And how many bouquets do I get this week? Blerg. Thanks to traveling and eating out and receptions and booze and pastries … NADA. But I’m home next week where I can get back on the wagon, really. I think I will print out a nice flower pic and paste it to my fridge when I get home. Maybe it will help. One can only hope.


Adam
When I attain my weight-loss goal, I’m going to get a tattoo. Not as extreme as that guy … just something small on my right forearm. I’ve always wanted a tattoo, and this motivation is as good as any finally man-up and get it. Oh, and maybe I’ll go back to being a vegetarian. I’ll reward myself with tattoos and cheese!  But not a tattoo of cheese.



Ryan
Whenever I reach a weight milestone, I’m rewarding myself with music. It both motivates me to stay on course with my diet and exercise and makes sure that I put thought into what music I buy. I’ve shown a few options in my photo. PS – I’m pretty sure most of this week’s weight loss was the release of excess water and glycogen from my liver that built up from the conference the weekend before we started.



Polt
So I’m supposed to talk about my “Personal Goal Prize”. Hmm, well when I win the competition, I will have lost enough weight and firmed up enough to be able to wear one of these babies! I’m not sure WHERE I’d wear it, but that’s beside the point, cause looking like that, I’m sure I’ll find no shortage of places that would WANT me to wear it! And I do hope the pouch comes in various sizes, cause I’m gonna need a bigger pouch.


And now, the week’s results:


Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our nine contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 1

And so it begins! Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser begins today. Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our nine contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season! Yay!

Meet the contestants!


Mikey
The whole idea for BC&RL started with me telling Adam that I was officially fat and needed to lose weight to be healthy again. Well…I’m hoping three times really is a charm. Plus…I have a lot of room to go if I’m going to fit into that size 6 wedding gown by Vera Wang this fall.


Adam
I’m so fu¢king fat that none of my clothes fit. My goal is to lose one thousand pounds. mmmm cookies.


Polt
Polt here, and looking over the rules for this thing, I see today I need discuss my reason for participating and what I hope to accomplish. Okay, both can be answered simply by looking at my most recent photo. Yes, I have put on a few pounds since the 2nd edition of this, thanks for noticing and while I ain’t much to look at, at least I’m purple. Anyway, I’m playing along this time because a) I played in the first two and I like being consistent, b) someone has to come in last, and I’ve got broads shoulders (and hips and stomach, etc) so I can take it, c) I’d hate to see Adam cry if not a lot of people played along and d) I might just end up losing a few pounds out of this. And what do I hope to accomplish? Well, some weight loss, I suppose, but I don’t have high hopes for it. No I’m not being negative, just pragmatic. Good luck to everyone!


TwoPi
My doctor has been hassling encouraging me to lose weight for a while. And while I know what I ought to do, having the motivation to actually do it is hard. “Eat right and exercise”; yeah, it might add ten years to my life, but (a) that’s ten years of eating right and exercising, and (b) it’s the LAST ten years it adds on. Give me ten more years as a thirty-year-old, and I might be interested! Anyways, it is something I’ve been meaning to get around to doing, and BC&RL3 seemed like it would be way more fun than going to Weight Watchers’ meetings. Here’s a photo of me with my body double, Alfred Hitchcock.


Tam
This is my inspiration for joining BC&RL3. I convinced myself I could still wear those jeans, I had just chosen not to. HAHAHAHA Oh right. Denial is a wonderful thing. My goals is to get back into those jeans and maybe even the pair a size smaller I admitted I couldn’t wear. Hopefully being accountable to the world wide web will help me stay on track, that along with the encouragement of the other contestants.


Michelle M.
I’m participating because I need to lose some damn weight!


Ryan
I kept going after last season and eventually lost seventy pounds. After taking the last few months off, I’m ready to lose the last bits of fat.


Mr. Sombrero
Mr. Sombrero needs to lose weight because his sombrero doesn’t fit him any more.


Predict a winner in the comments!

It’s Your Friday Five!

This week I decided to do something a little different with the Friday Five.  I invited four of the C&Rmy to contribute their favorites of the week, and with our powers combined … I present Your Friday Five!

1. Laura Dern (submitted by Craig) Laura Dern winning a Golden Globe for Enlightened was about the only win I could muster up the energy to get remotely excited about last Sunday. The Descendants? The Artist? The Help? Jeez, what is with all the stupid movie titles starting with The? Boring! I’ve loved Laura Dern since 1993 when she starred in my favorite movie ever, Jurassic Park, and her new show Enlightened is pretty much the best thing ever. And it doesn’t start with The.

2. Channeling Morpheus (submitted by Tam) This week at my other blog Brief Encounters, we had vamp week where we profiled a series of short vampire stories called Channeling Morpheus by Jordan Castillo Price. This is one of the best vampire series I’ve ever read.  It’s horror, it’s grungy dirty nasty sex (the best kind after hardcore gay porn), it’s vigilante justice, and Wild Bill (the vamp) describes Michael (his human love interest & anti-vampire vigilante) as his “homicidal eye-candy.” This is actually a 10 book series, but the first five have just been re-released. Jordan is an amazing writer, and these books are uber-creepy and hot and gruesome at the same time. (check out the reviews) Although we review “romance,” it’s not your traditional romance by a mile, and if anyone wants to try all five e-books (about 250 pages total), you can leave a comment on Jordan’s interview posts (Monday & Tuesday) before midnight today to win a set. I plan to reread the first five this weekend.

3. Billy on the Street (submitted by Michelle M.) Billy on the Street! It’s my new favorite show. Billy is hilarious. He is my new BFF (and Adam’s too).


 
4.Being a Technical Master of Washing Machines (Adam wrote this crap) This week my mother bought a new washing machine.  After the first load, we knew there was a problem.  The clothes were ending the washing cycle completely soaked — there was either an issue with the spin cycle or the washer was not draining properly.  What were we to do?  My mother called for service, but I had another idea.  10 bucks, a trip to Lowes, a bit of plastic tubing, some tools and my innate manliness resulted in a fixed appliance!  (The very tight drain tube wasn’t draining, and lengthening it a bit seems to have fixed the issue.)  Clearly I am a technical master!

5. Dogs & Wedding Proposals (submitted by Mikey) Who needs any of the other four on this list?  I sure as hell don’t. Why do you ask?  Well let’s see I came home from work on Tuesday to find a surprise waiting for me at home: an amazingly adorable English Bulldog named Roscoe.  His presence in my house was enough to make my heart soar.  But then I took a closer look at the heart shaped tag he was wearing.  It simply read “Will you marry me? Love, Ty”  If you haven’t heard yet, I said yes.  The result is me being unable to stop skipping on my way to work and breaking into song.  Be happy you don’t work in my office.


And seriously, how the hell can anyone top that?

CONGRATULATIONS MIKEY & TY!

This week’s Friday Five featured award winners, awesome television, Hollywood stars, manic game shows, vampires, hardcore gay porn, books, contests, dogs, washing machines, technical wizardry, innate manliness, marriage proposals, dog tags, and probably a whole bunch more crap that I’ve already forgotten.  What could be better than that?  Maybe your week?  Tell us your Friday Five in the comments!

Have You Ever… Shat?!

Shat – past tense of shit Verb.
1. vulgar. Expel feces from the body.
2. vulgar. Soil one’s clothes as a result of expelling feces accidentally.

The rules to Have You Ever?! are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever shat in a toilet?
2. Have you ever shat because you were scared?
3. Have you ever shat while reading?
4. Have you ever shat while sending a text message?
5. Have you ever shat while talking on the telephone?
6. Have you ever shat while surfing the Internet?
7. Have you ever shat while watching TV?
8. Have you ever shat while tweeting?
9. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in your own home?
10. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in someone else’s home?
11. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in a public restroom?
12. Have you ever shat on the side of the road?
13. Have you ever shat in a porta-potty?
14. Have you ever shat in an outhouse?
15. Have you ever shat in the woods?
16. Have you ever shat in your pants by accident?
17. Have you ever shat your pants because you couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough?
18. Have you ever shat your pants while driving?
19. Have you ever shat into your hand?
20. Have you ever shat in a shower or bathtub?
21. Have you ever shat in a brown paper bag with the intent to light it on fire on someone’s doorstep?
22. Have you ever shat during sex?
23. Have you ever shat while receiving or performing fellatio (or cunnilingus) on the toilet?
24. Have you ever shat while having sex on the toilet?
25. Have you ever shat onto someone else?

Now go take a shit, wipe, pull up your pants, wash your hands, come back to the computer, and then tell us your total in the comments!