Tag Archives: britney spears

McKayla and I are not impressed.

If you waste as much time on the internet as I do, you’ve probably seen the McKayla is not impressed meme. Perhaps you even submitted a post to the blog. I have submitted several (What can I say? This is the kind of stuff I obsess over). My Peanuts one even made it. Yay!

But what happened to all my other submissions? Some ideas I’ve had, I’ve seen posted by other people days after I submitted them (great minds think alike). Maybe there’s a backlog, or maybe they didn’t go through, or maybe they’re saving them up for a grand finale, or maybe they’re just lame… Anyway, I’m tired of waiting for them to show up (or not show up). So here they are:


Happy Birthday Michelle M.!

Today is a very special day … it’s Michelle M.’s Birthday!
From all of your friends, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

A Limerick:

We all know her as Michelle M.
We think her to be quite the gem.
But I have been told
She’s getting quite old,
So it’s time to start calling her “ma’am.”

– Jere

Wishing you a mouth-watering birthday!
-David P.


Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people ever, Cooper’s mom and Wonder Women fan….
Michelle M.!!!! I hope you have the most awesome Birthday ever because you deserve it!!
– TJ and the doggies (Cooper’s Compadres)

Happy Birthday! From X-Heather and TwoPi

A Haiku About Michelle

The best in our books
Happy Birthday To Michelle
Hail Wonder Woman

– Kristen

Ode to Her Awesomeness
By Craig

What could one possibly say,
About the delectable Michelle M?
If she were a dessert,
She’d be la crème de la crème.

She lives in California,
All the way on the West Coast.
She’s the Cocky & Rude writer,
That us readers love the most.

She never met a head,
She couldn’t put on another body.
Don’t let her sweet looks fool you,
For her mouth is quite a potty.

With those flowing golden locks,
Like a superhero’s cape.
It begs that age old question,
Does the carpet match the drapes?

Her husband is a sexy beast,
Who likes pizza and canned beer.
There’s not a single gay around,
Who doesn’t wish that he was queer.

Wonder Woman is her idol,
And Cooper is her bird.
I don’t know who she loves most,
But Harry’s definitely in third.

So today is her birthday,
Hope she have lots of fun.
Happy Birthday Michelle M!
Congrats on turning twenty one!

Dear Michelle,
I heard it was your birthday so I wanted to send you a short note. I hope you have a wonderful day and that you don’t divorce your husband so you can marry a politician and then your ex marries a skinny little waif and then you can’t stop eating because you hate your life and you are fighting with your kids and your mother-in-law thinks you are useless and then you become the fattest woman in Westchester and then you can’t wear any of your clothes and then you feel so worried that you will eat up all your kids and then you will worry that Gene might be too small and gamey to be palatable and then your daughter hates you because you want to go skiing and she goes to her dad’s and get’s her period and then she comes back to you and whines and you are thinking “hurry up and have a baby so I can eat it.” Can I eat your cake?
Love, Fat Betty

From Mikey & Ty

Happy birthday to the most creative, talented, elfin proportioned person I know!
Happy Birthday Michelle!
Have a great day and best wishes for the coming year! -John

Ok, I know that Harry and Craiggers are gonna get real jealous here, but I got only one question for Michelle M.:

I Wonder Woman, are you my kinda woman?
Wit a back like that you fly like jets
Are you my Wonder Woman?

te quiero,
mr. sombrero

Happy Birthday Michelle M.!!! I decided to celebrate your birthday by mixing
my two favorite things: you, and my favorite albums!!! -Enrico



My 2012 Resolutions

Now that 2011 is drawing to a close, it’s time to make resolutions for 2012! Now, I could make my usual resolutions – lose weight, exercise, finish that novel, go back to school… but why bother. Word is it’s the end of days! So I’m going to live large and make this year count. Here are my 2012 resolutions:

January – I’m going to Disney World!

February – I’m going to eat VATS of mashed potatoes and gravy.

March – I resolve to stay in bed, read books, watch DVDs and eat tons of junk food.

April – I’ve always wanted to drive across country, and this is the year I’m going to do it.
I’ll make sure to see all my bloggy friends in between trips to see the largest ball of twine,
carhenge and big holes in the ground.

May – I’m going to hang out in the sewers with Britney and keep on dancing til the world ends.

June – On second thought, who wants to hang out in a stinky sewer? Ever since watching
The Love Boat
, I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise. I plan to eat, drink, read,
lay out at the pool, and eat and drink some more.

July – I resolve to island hop, enjoy tropical drinks and work on my skin cancer.

August – La Tomatina! Buñol, Spain has a huge tomato fight every year. I am totally there.

September – I’m going to hang out in Santorini, Greece. Soaking up the sun and eating.

But now that I think about it, I have no idea how the world is going to end. Maybe it won’t
be complete devastation from a pandemic, solar flares, a black hole or asteroid collision.
Maybe it will be a robot uprising, the rapture, or even worse – Zombies!

Maybe I better rethink my resolutions in case I’m stuck on this miserable,
god forsaken, zombie-ridden planet.

October – I better get in fighting shape, so I resolve to lose weight and exercise. sigh.

November – Since I’ll be stockpiling weapons, I better learn how to use them.

December – Several trips to Costco will be in order so I can fill up my hidden
bunker by the lake in the mountains. Bring it on zombies.

So there you have it. My 2012 resolutions. What are your resolutions?
Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse? Let me know in the comments!

Michelle’s Random Crap

It’s been a crazy week at the M. compound – what with the back of the house being torn up and rebuilt. I didn’t have time to prepare a well-thought out, humorous post for the three of you to read (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it). So here is some random crap.

I’m getting a new window in my office. Hurray!

Cooper is settling in nicely. He loves his toys. He’s sitting on my finger and has ventured out of his cage. I love my little fluffer-nutter!

I just finished this book. It amused me.

I thought I’d try a gluten-free diet*. Maybe I’m allergic to wheat**? Maybe that’s why I’m so tired all the time. Anyway, here are some of the products I’ve tried. Most of them are sad and have strange ingredients and I need to read the labels before I buy them. The crackers have fennel (I hate fennel) and poppy seeds (no thank you). And the chocolate chip cookies*** had chia seeds in them. It was disconcerting. I haven’t noticed any difference in my energy levels, but I’ll give it a little longer.

*I’ve cheated already with a hamburger bun and a tortilla. Oh well.

**I know I should ask to be tested by a doctor, but that would make sense.

***not pictured. Harry finished them off for me. I just noticed that the other package of cookies are dairy-free. That means the chocolate is not officially chocolate, so why bother. Maybe I’ll send them to Adam.

Look at these cool Wonder Woman shoes!

What the hell is Britney doing with her tongue? It’s bizarre. And fascinating.

A while ago I watched Working Girl and was reminded of Melanie Griffith’s disturbing throat clearing tic. I found a video that compiled them. This would make a great drinking game.

Asian babies are awesome. And they do floors!

I was all excited about trying Schweddy Balls. But they didn’t have it at the store, so we had Americone Dream* instead. Boo.

*contains wheat 😦

Ke$ha Kover?

A while ago a recording of the Ke-dollar sign-ha singing without autotune emerged on the net and it was excruciating. I’m serious. It was enough to make me wish that I was born without ears. Normally you would think this is hyperbole, but in this instance it was very accurate. My ears were pained by hearing it. If you dare, you should click on the link above and find out for yourself what that sounds like. If you are wise, you will read on and learn that the ear-bleeding was only a lead-in to a more interesting story.

Back when musicians wrote their own music and played them on these things called instruments, there was a guy named Ben Folds. He had a band of five people for a while and then he was just himself with some other guys. Either way you heard his music it was pretty damn good. It was a great mix of rock and emotion that you could connect with instantly. So what does this talented man from North Carolina have in common with the one who makes Britney Spears look like Shakespeare? Well Mr. Folds and friends did a cover of Ke$ha’s song “Sleazy.” It is a vast improvement over the original. Why? Because it has actual human vocals without technology coming between the vocal cords and the ear. They even incorporate more electronic/pop sounds to achieve a similar affect to Ke$ha’s version. Take a look.

So what does this mean? To me it seems that while Ke$ha doesn’t have the vocal chops to make it, she just might be a damn good songwriter. Sure the music is earwormy pop, but sometimes that is the best possible music out there. And her music doesn’t make me want to vomit like Diane Warren’s “pop” songs do. I’m glad my own harsh judgments about the ear-bleeding inducing one didn’t prevent me from listening to her music as performed by someone else. I just hope that more artists take up the mantle and make her music easier to listen to.

Just Go Away This Year

In case you didn’t notice, a new year started recently. Times like this we often reflect on what will happen and what changes we hope to make in the new year. I also like to think of it as an opportunity to make some wishes for celebrities I would like to hear absolutely nothing about in 2011.

Lindsay Lohan – Ms. Lohan has become a total joke. She once had promising music and acting careers, but now she just spends her time shuffling from rehab to jail to drinking binge to fighting with Rainbow Poo. I have had enough. She also has really awful hair. Can we lock her up in some real jail and throw away the key?

Taylor Lautner – This talentless hack is best known for taking his shirt off and pretending he is dating that other Taylor, when we all really know he is a big ‘mo. He can’t act and his attractiveness is incredibly overrated. I think the sun should go down on this fruitcake.

Any female with the name Kardashian -Who are these women anyway? Why are they even a topic of discussion? I guess my lack of interests in mammary glands makes me an unlikely target for their charms, but frankly the same could be said for female strippers and hookers. They just need to go back into whatever kloset they came out of.

Katy Perry – While we are talking about untalented women who act like sex workers, I would like Katy Perry to disappear. Her brand of generic vapid pop should have died with the career of Britney Spears, but alas record producers can always sell breasts that sing off key. Let’s hope that 2011 finds her moving to a deserted island with her skeezy husband.

The Situation – Stupid, chest baring women aren’t the only idiots I want to see disappear this year. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is in a cast of crazy characters who don’t deserve any more screen time or brain cells devoted to them. When did it become acceptable and celebrated to be so positively inane? Please go back to the shore, tie on your cement sneakers and walk into the Atlantic.

What celebrities do you want to see take a long walk off the proverbial short pier this year? Tell us in the comments so we can make fun of them on Rainbow Poo.

Have You Ever… While Operating A Moving Vehicle?

Today we’re going to play another game of Have You Ever! Below is a list of 25 questions. For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end, add up your points, and post your total in the comments section.  Then we’ll all have a good chuckle when FDot posts a zero.

Have You Ever…

1. Operated a moving vehicle?
2. Driven over 100 miles per hour while operating a moving vehicle?
3. Hit an animal while operating a moving vehicle?
4. Ran over someone’s foot while operating a moving vehicle?
5. Hit a person while operating a moving vehicle?
6. Consumed an alcoholic beverage while operating a moving vehicle?
7. Been drunk while operating a moving vehicle?
8. Been high on drugs while operating a moving vehicle?
9. Fallen asleep, even just for a second, while operating a moving vehicle?
10. Sent a text message while operating a moving vehicle?
11. Talked on a cell phone while operating a moving vehicle?
12. Read a book or newspaper while operating a moving vehicle?
13. Been completely naked while operating a moving vehicle?
14. Kissed a passenger while operating a moving vehicle?
15. Vomited while operating a moving vehicle?
16. Urinated while operating a moving vehicle?
17. Defecated while operating a moving vehicle?
18. Masturbated while operating a moving vehicle?
19. Received manual pleasure while operating a moving vehicle?
20. Received oral pleasure while operating a moving vehicle?
21. Participated in intercourse while operating a moving vehicle?
22. Manually pleasured a passenger while operating a moving vehicle?
23. Had a baby on your lap while operating a moving vehicle?
24. Raced another driver while operating a moving vehicle?
25. Reached 88 miles per hour and traveled Back The The Future while operating a moving vehicle?

Ack!  How unsafe!  What’s wrong with you?!  But it’s okay.  You’re among friends!  We won’t judge you … or will we?  Post your total and we’ll talk it out in the comments.