Tag Archives: arm stuck

Where Should Nathan Go On Vacation?

Late last week, Nathan contacted me with a post idea. It seems that he has a week off in July and has no clue what to do and where to go on vacation. Here are my ten suggestions:

Stay in Canada! Canada is a beautiful wasteland of ice and snow. Who wouldn’t want to spend some free time exploring an iceberg, making snowmen, adding unnecessary u’s to words, and napping inside of an igloo! The temperature never goes above freezing in Canada!  Slap on your formal wear and have a ball!

Why not spend a week in wonderful Baghdad, Iraq! The largest city in Iraq is home to political unrest, massive troop withdrawals and startling civil rights violations. Who wouldn’t want to visit Baghdad? I hear that they have the best gay clubs in all of the Middle East!

How about a week in North Korea? Spend your time with the new supreme leader, Kim Jong-un! Try your hand at designing weapons of mass destruction, try on a huge selection of Kim Jong-il‘s high heeled shoes, and threaten to start World War III! And that’s all just in the first day!

How about a tour of Chernobyl, Ukraine? Tour the disintegrating nuclear sarcophagus, sample the local radioactive cuisine, and dance the night away with all the local mutants! You’ll leave Chernobyl with a “healthy” green glow that all your friends will be jealous of!

How about a lovely hike near Moab, Utah? While you’re there, make sure to get your arm stuck under a rock … and spend the next 127 hours practicing your survival skills!

Why not spend a week in sunny Afghanistan? Tour the expansive deserts (but watch out for IEDs!) or spend a few days hiding in a cave. For an extra few hundred bucks you can attend a actual terrorist training camp!

Spend a week exploring Antarctica! Antarctica, on average, is the coldest, driest, and windiest continent, and has the highest average elevation of all the continents. I can’t think of a better place to slap on some eyeliner and PAR-TAY!

What, you haven’t heard of Centralia, Pennsylvania? All properties in the borough were claimed under eminent domain by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania in 1992 (and all buildings therein were condemned), and Centralia’s ZIP code was revoked by the Post Office in 2002. Why? Because the mines below the surface are expected to be on fire for the next 250 years! Get yer tan on in Centralia!

None of those vacations are ticking your fancy? Then how about fabulous Somalia? Since the outbreak of the Somali Civil War in 1991 there has been no central government control over most of the country’s territory. But that can’t stop the bustling tourism business! Spend a day working as an actual Somali slumlord or reenact scenes Black Hawk Down!

If all else fails, you can always spend a week in the pink! Fat Betty’s anus is a warm and inviting … but be warned, when it’s poo-time, you’ll feel like you’re standing in the middle of the busiest highway in North America. She eats a lot, and yes, she poops a lot.

Those are my 10 best suggestions! Do you have a favorite, or maybe you have some ideas of your own? Help Nathan in the comments!

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Montreal Vacation: Part 1

Last week, Mr. Sombrero and I traveled to the great country of Canada!  We had a great time in Montreal, hanging out with Tam & The Kid, seeing all of the sights, taking a day trip to Quebec City, sampling the local cuisine, making fun of the French-speaking locals, and partaking in all of the other great things that Canada has to offer.
Here are some of the highlights…

Mr. Sombrero stole an idea from Tam’s future NYC trip and opted for a short-term apartment rental in Montreal. For less than the cost of a hotel room, we had a spacious apartment with a full kitchen.  Oh, and there was a bowl of potpourri that I quickly fashioned into a pair of penises.

Here’s The first day that we were there, we hung out with everyone’s favorite Canadians: Nathan and The Kid! … And Tam!  The lady that took the photo of the group apparently couldn’t figure out how to take a photo with my camera, so I stole this photo from Tam’s site.

Canada has a chain of health food stores named Rachelle-Bery.  Not to be confused with Rachel Berry from Glee.
The new season of Glee starts tonight! Woo!

Canada is perfect in every way, they even have Subway restaurants!

While we were there, we got to see a little of the Montreal Grand Prix bicycle race.  Damn those bikes go fast!

The Montreal Tam-Tams are a drum circle based in Montreal, Canada. The free event gathers thousands of drum players, dancers, vendors and visitors, every Sunday, at the George-Étienne Cartier Monument in Mount Royal Park. The Tam-Tam festivities start at 1 pm and continue until sunset. Tam-Tams, or simply “tams” as they are sometimes called by locals, began in 1978 and over the years have become one of the main tourist attractions of the city. It’s basically a giant group of pot-smoking hippies, banging on drums and dancing in a cloud of marijuana smoke.

Here’s a parking kiosk with some colorful graffiti.  Clearly that artist didn’t read my post.

At one restaurant that we went to, I was known as an “Ultra Vegetarian” — how cool is that?

In Canada, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups aren’t possessive!  How weird!

On our second day, Mr. Sombrero and I took an Amphi-Bus tour around Old Montreal.  Here’s a view of Molson building from the river.

Here I am making a creepy face.  Check out my awful ginger ‘do!

In Old Montreal, they discourage swimming in the fountains.

Here’s a shot of the Notre-Dame Basilica in Old Montreal.  Ooo pretty church!

The prices for stuff in Canada is all sorts of whack.  There’s a comma where a decimal point should be!  And the dollar sign is on the wrong side!  WTF?

On our second day in Montreal, we took the metro to the other side of the city.  It was the cleanest metro station I’ve ever seen!  A minute after snapping this photo, the entire station was evacuated due to some sort of emergency.  (It was all in French…)

We eventually made our way to Montreal’s Olympic Park where I made friends with this cute little kitty.

Our first stop in the Olympic Park area was the Montreal Biodôme.  Here’s a photo of of a Capybara, the largest living rodent in the world.  How freak’n cute is that giant rat!?

Here’s a photo of me getting my arm bitten off by an alligator!  Sadly, it’s not the first time.
And odds are, it’s not the last.

My arm was not enough to satiate that awful beast!  Next it bit off Mr. Sombrero’s head!  Egads!

And finally, here’s some penguins.  Because really, who doesn’t love to watch the penguins?

Are you bored yet?  Too bad!  My vacation photos continue tomorrow!

Just Another Manic [Cyber] Monday!

There are just so many random thoughts running through my mind!  It must be just another Manic Monday!

Did you know that it’s Cyber Monday?  Really, how could you not?  If you’re anything like me, you’ve received about fifty emails over the past few days from online retailers offering you all sorts of amazing once-in-a-lifetime deals.  So today, as a one-day sale, Cocky & Rude is offering you FREE daily blog posts until the end of the year! OMG!

Leslie Nielsen died! Nooo00000000o!

As I’m writing this post, please be aware that I’m suffering from an awful case of hiccurps.  UGH they’re awful!

Like all great weekends, I spent lots of time with my loved ones saw THREE movies this weekend!  On Friday night I saw Burlesque, which was silly, fun, and predictable, but HARDLY as awful as all the reviews claim.  Saturday I saw Harry Pothead and the Deadly Halloween, which was moderately amusing.  Sorry, I’m not a big Harry Potter fan.  Sunday I saw a movie based on MY life, called 127 Hours!  It was aammaazziinngg!  It totally made me want to go hiking, get stuck and lop off my own arm.  Go see it now!

My diet of all noni berries, all the time continues.

Sunday turned into a Tamblyn-themed day for me.  After seeing Amber Tamblyn in 127 Hours, I watched West Side Story, which stars her father, Russ Tamblyn!  He was cuter in the WSS days than he was in the Twin Peaks days.

I keep singing Free Blood’s Never Hear Surf Music Again (the song from the 127 Hours trailer).  It has a great beat!

Is it too early for Christmas?  I’ve already hung the outside lights at my mom’s house and my tree is up and decorated.  Let’s get this damn season over with!

Yea, yea, I keep singing Show Me How You Burlesque too… (and too bad Harry’s theme is a snore!)

Cher’s face is starting to look like an alien.

That’s right, there’s a lot of movies and general pop culture bouncing around in my melon.  What’s on your mind, this Manic Monday?