Who Needs To Diet When You Can Just Bang Instead?

This guy used to be a fat ass until he started masturbating 100 times a day!

A recent article on Shine From Yahoo! has listed the amount of calories you can burn by participating in romantic activities.

Making Out, 30 minutes: 230 calories
Foreplay20 minutes: 87 calories for women, 107 for men
Unclasping a bra with both hands: 8 calories
Unclasping a bra with one hand: 18 calories
Unclasping a bra with your mouth: 67 calories
Strip Tease: 60 calories
Oral Sex: 100 calories
Missionary Position, 10 minutes: 250 calories
Woman on Top, 10 minutes: 300 calories for women, 130 calories for men
Sex Standing Up: Up to 600 calories for both people
Masturbation: Up to 150 calories per session
Orgasm: From 60-100 calories

What does this mean?

Each time you eat three Oreo cookies (160 calories), you should perform one session of oral sex and then do a strip tease.

After eating a scoop of vanilla ice cream (2-1/2 oz. – 170 calories), you should masturbate and then unclasp a bra with on hand.

After binging on an entire jar of peanut butter (18 oz. – 3,200 calories), you should have sex standing up 5 times and then unclasp about 12 bras with one hand.

I think you get the point…

So how many calories have you burned lately? Why do we even bother exercising when we can just bang instead? And after reading this, are you going to rethink your exercise routine?


22 thoughts on “Who Needs To Diet When You Can Just Bang Instead?”

  1. What the fuck is all this math shit so early in the morning. Carry the 1, minus 2, add 7, divide by less than zero. Fuck it, I’m going to go eat a brownie and pretend like I never saw this post.

  2. This whole thing is a lie, cause with the amount of sex and the even greater amount of masturbation I have, if this were true, I should weigh about 76 pounds.


  3. Polt has a point. I undo a bra daily and because I’m having issues with my shoulder it must be at LEAST 20 calories each time. As for masturbation, well, I assume that depends which techniques/tools you use and how efficient you are.

    1. One should always be proficient in numerous techniques and with numerous tools in all that one does. 🙂


  4. Please tell me the picture of that guy isn’t real. It freaks me out. It also freaks me out that I somehow think he is possible, but you never know, people are cray cray.

  5. I’m dubious about these numbers too…..my gut tells me that the real calorie burning count would have to do with how long one engages in these activities….that said…I’m sure burning enough 🙂

    1. Ok. First how old is this dude that he can go 6 times a day? 17? And now I’m going to be a total bitch and say …I guess if he weighs 140 she’s not on top. Logistically I just see issues but I guess, more power to them.

        1. Not everyone has your stamina hon. And doesn’t he have a job to spend 9 hours a day at, plus sleeping 7 hours a day, eating and basic tasks 1.5 hours, leaving him 6.5 hours for some hoochie coochie, or once per hour. I’m not sure even you could manage that day after day. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. 😉

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