Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll introduce our fighters.  We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Full Name: Stephen William Hawking
Date of Birth:  8 January 1942 (age 69)
Place of Birth:  Oxford, England
Hair Color:  Brown & Gray
Current Residence:  England
Relationship Status: Jane Hawking (m. 1965–1991, divorced), Elaine Mason (m. 1995–2006, divorced)
Occupation:  theoretical physicist and cosmologist
Hobbies:  science
Favorite Song:  this
Awards:  Wolf Prize (1988), Prince of Asturias Award (1989), Copley Medal (2006), Presidential Medal of Freedom (2009)
Fields of study:  Applied mathematics, Theoretical physics, Cosmology
Alma Mater:  University of Oxford, University of Cambridge
Known for: Black holes, Theoretical cosmology, Quantum gravity, Hawking radiation
Favorite method of transportation:  motorized wheelchair

Stephen William Hawking, CH, CBE, FRS, FRSA (born 8 January 1942)is an English theoretical physicist and cosmologist, whose scientific books and public appearances have made him an academic celebrity. He is an Honorary Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts, a lifetime member of the Pontifical Academy of Sciences,and in 2009 was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award in the United States. Hawking’s key scientific works to date have included providing, with Roger Penrose, theorems regarding gravitational singularities in the framework of general relativity, and the theoretical prediction that black holes should emit radiation, which is today known as Hawking radiation (or sometimes as Bekenstein–Hawking radiation). Hawking has a motor neurone disease that is related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, a condition that has progressed over the years and has left him almost completely paralyzed.  While Hawking may be severely physically handicapped, he possesses a number of very powerful secret weapons.  His motorized wheelchair is armed with highly advanced weaponry, his brain is nearly 1000 times more intelligent than the average human being, and he can tear apart the universe with a single (robot-voiced) word.


AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Tyrone, Tycoon, Ty Cobb, Diana Prince (shhh!)
Date of Birth:  Sunday, March 5.  I am between 30 and 40 years old.  You can now figure out my birth year.
Place of Birth:  26.725N by 80.052W
Hair Color:  Umm…
Current Residence:  Our apartment
Relationship Status: stomach-churningly Desperately in love with Mikey
Occupation:  Telling a federal judge what to do.
Height & Weight:  0.93 Craigs tall/weight appropriate for 1.05 Craigs tall
Hobbies:  Finding the Higgs boson before the competition, understanding and correctly using bathos, tickling Mikey
Favorite Song:  Anything and everything by They Might Be Giants.  Except Istanbul (Not Constantinople).  SOOOO overplayed.
Awards:  Best Picture of an Airplane (1st grade), Honor Camper — Boy (3rd grade), National Merit Scholar (12th grade), $25,405 (33rd grade)
Fields of study:  Sally, W.C., Mrs.
Alma Mater:  University of Virginia
Known for: Southern gentility, parodic names based on “Vagina”
Favorite method of transportation:  Invisible jet (shhh!)
Claim to Fame:  Knowing lots of stuff
Favorite curse word:  Buggar!

At first, Ty did not understand our request for a “bio”: “I am a carbon-based, endothermic life form of the binomial classification Homo sapiens.  I have high left-right symmetry and a large brain-body rati….Oh, ‘bio’ as in ‘biography’…”  He then provided C&R with this information: “I was born at the time and place set forth above.  More recently, Mikey moved in with me.  I can’t tell you about any of the stuff in between because of a sacred oath I swore to Zeus before leaving Paradise Island for Man’s World.  (Shhh!)”  The former Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 contestant and incredibly intelligent Jeopardy! champion’s secret weapons include: “Withering sarcasm, subtle condescension, golden lasso (shhh!)”

Who will win in the battle of  BRAIN vs. BRAIN?  Will Stephen Hawking destroy Ty by tearing the entire universe apart? Or will Ty wither Hawking with his sarcasm and condescension and then shove his motorized wheelchair off a cliff? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to Ty & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!


21 thoughts on “C&R Fight Club: STEPHEN HAWKING vs. TY CONE!”

  1. I was really really afraid that the last word in Ty’s blurb was going to be showers. Like, I winced, seriously. But that would likely disable the wheelchair by shorting out the electronics, so he might want to think about adopting it.

    I think Hawking’s level of intelligence is so great, he probably is useless at common things like street fighting, so I’ll give Ty the advantage in this one. Unless there’s a pop quiz on astrophysics at the end then …

  2. What Tam said. Plus, you had me at anything and everything by They Might Be Giants. Thought I still have a place of fondness for Istanbul (Not Constantinople).

    I had to comment early so I don’t kill the thread again.

    1. MY favorite superhero is the person who copied my argyle sweater so perfectly onto my Simpsons-self!

  3. Technically, Princess Diana swore the oath to her mother, Hippolyta before leaving Paradise Island for Man’s World, and I was gonna vote against him for that….but then “tickling MIkey” just made me feel all googley-eyed, warm, fuzzy, rainbowy and glittery (and NOT in that horrid movie) so I HAD to vote for Ty.


      1. Well the official name is Themyschra (pronounced, as far as I know, Them-is-scare-ah), but it’ll always be Paradise Island to me. Although, since DC is rebooting their whole universe in September, who knows what will be what?


        1. Oops, stupid me, didn’t even see that Ty had already covered this before. Just discovered the link now. Oh well. Just ignore my previous post.


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