When He’s Thirty-One!

Tomorrow is a very special day for a very special guy. It’s Adam’s birthday! Hurray!! In celebration of this momentous occasion, may I present – “When He’s Thirty-One*.”

* sung to the tune of The Beatles “When I’m Sixty-Four.”

When he gets older, gray in his ginge,
Not too long from now,
Will he be as wrinkly as a leather bag?
Will he start to look like a hag?

Once he has age spots, walks with a cane,
Will he be as fun?
Will he still tease us, will he still please us,
When he’s thirty-one?

Will he lose his mind?
Joints start to creak and pop,
Hope he won’t go blind.

Can he stay outré, cheeky and brash,
As the days go by?
Mellowing with age might modify his ‘tude,
I hope he stays cocky and rude.

Yelling at children, “Get off my lawn!”
Fly always undone,
Will he still tease us, will he still please us,
When he’s thirty-one?

Years advance, he poops his pants, Depends, Ensure, there is no cure,
for old – now he smells like pee.
Dementia’s made him vague,
Commenters stay away,
Mikey, Polt and Craig.

Passing out Werthers, gumming his food,
Trying to get it up,
Osteoporosis, disease and decay,
He’s sincerely rotting away.

Hearing loss, hemorrhoids, varicose veins,
Old age has begun.
Will he still tease us, will he still please us,
When he’s thirty-one?


Happy Birthday Adam!


8 thoughts on “When He’s Thirty-One!”

  1. Thanks so much, Michelle! You are a true genius! Best lyrics ever!! 😀

    I broke my braces on Werther’s Original candies once! I must forget my traumatic Werther’s Original accident when I get older … senility, probably. Otherwise, I’d never eat those awful little things again!

  2. Oh wow, that is brilliant. I loved the pink satin suit. Sexay. Have a Happy Birthday Eve. Maybe there’ll be firworks in your honor.

  3. Great work Michelle M.! It’s also nice to see, even when we’re all old and in silk jammies, my hand will still be near the Puntabuschlong! 🙂


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