10 Reasons Why Unicorns Are Awesome

Let’s face it.  Unicorns are way cooler than all of us.  Here’s 10 reasons why Unicorns are Awesome!

1. They have giant phalluses on top of their heads.  And a lot can be said for easy access.

2. They shit rainbows.  And in case you weren’t aware, rainbows can kill people.

3. They pee Skittles.  Which delicious (and occasionally vegan).

4. They’re all gay.  That’s probably why they’re nearly extinct.

5. They’re better than horses. Because horses are stupid with their ugly teeth and gross mouths.

6. They love to hang out at merry-go-rounds.  And who doesn’t love a good merry-go-round?  They’re like Ferris wheels but way less scary.

7. Whether or not they have wings, they can totes flyAirplanes, Superman, bats, Falcor … everything that flies is awesome.

8. They’re super annoying, Charlie!  And they love leopluradons, Charlie!

9. Unicorn sexitime is awesome. Just look at that sweet, sweet silhouette.

10. Gingers sing songs about them.  Awful, awful songs … but songs none the less.


9 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why Unicorns Are Awesome”

  1. OMG, I totally had a thing for the Irish Rovers when I was about … 6. They had a TV show on CBC. Ahhh. Those were the days when a 40 year old bearded Irish drunk made my little heart go pitty patter.

    1. I was going to post a snarky reply about how my favorite was “Untitled_1”, but then realized Craig said “tags” and not “alt-text” and then it all made a heck of a lot more sense. ’cause the tags are quite amusing. And apparently I need more coffee this morning.

    2. Made the mistake once of taking a five year old on a two-story tall merry-go-round, and sitting with him on a tall horse on the outside of the top level. Had I known that this carousel did double-duty during its off hours as a centrifuge, I might have suggested an inside horse on the ground floor. Never again!

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