C&R Fight Club: PAULA DEEN vs. TAM!

There’s only one way to celebrate Tam’s birthday properly… with another round of Cocky & Rude Fight Club!

Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll introduce our fighters.  We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…


Alias: Paula Ann Hiers
Date of Birth: January 19, 1947
Place of Birth: Albany, Georgia
Residence: Wilmington Island, Savannah, Georgia
Relationship Status: Married to Michael Anthony Groover; Mother of Jamie and Bobby Deen
Regional Accent: Southern
Favorite Foods: Butter, Butter & Butter.
Occupation:  American cook, restaurateur, author, actress and Emmy Award-winning television personality
Height & Weight: 5 ft 5 in, 160 lb (source)

With multiple television shows, countless cookbooks, a bi-monthly magazine, an ever-expanding product line and several Southern-style restaurants, Paula Deen is always on the move.  Her southern comfort foods often appear both delicious and dangerously unhealthy.  Deen’s arsenal includes a never-ending supply of butter and cheese, a large stock of chicken stock, a storehouse full of tastefully colored pots and pans, wooden spoons, rubber spatulas and a few stoneware casserole dishes.


Alias: The Wicked Witch of the North
Date of Birth: May 5

Place of Birth: Manitoba, Canada
Residence: Ottawa, Canada
Relationship Status: Single – thank god; Mother of “The Kid”
Regional Accent: None, Canadians don’t have accents
Favorite Foods: Poutine, anything with maple syrup on it, Canadian bacon, and Smarties (the Canadian type)
Hated Foods: Anything white and creamy (except Brie)
Occupation:  Government slave
Height & Weight:  Short & less than an average size bull moose

A blogging, reading, reviewing and tweeting powerhouse, Tam is a beloved Internet friend to many.  She’s also a Canadian, which means that by default, she’s extremely nice, enjoys hockey, maple syrup, curling, ends most sentences with ‘eh?’ and rides a dog sled everywhere she goes.  Tam’s arsenal includes a troop of hot, nearly naked men (from the pages of her M/M novels), a tube of foul-tasting Vegemite, and an army of sidewalk worms that will squirm at nothing to complete her every command.

Who will win in the battle of (far) North vs. South?  Will Paula Deen defeat Tam with her powers of butter and cheese?  Or will Tam smother Paula Deen in maple syrup and then let her worms and sled dogs finish her off?  We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Will this battle end with an “Eh?” or a “Ya’ll?”  Find out Sunday at Noon!

Thanks to Tam & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!


52 thoughts on “C&R Fight Club: PAULA DEEN vs. TAM!”

  1. I’m so happy I got the lion. Paula is going down. I just have to slather myself in butter and she’ll be so distracted she won’t have a chance. The kid can easily take those Deen boys with one hand tied behind her back (Have you seen those yokels?) so it will be Paula and me, mano-a-mano … ummm … mayo-a-mayo?

    I can’t believe you brought up worms. On my birthday. *shudder*

  2. Happy Birthday Tam – Love the bio….

    and why didn’t I know about this cool dog sled ride you have going on… glad you swapped it for the lion today…

    Have a super day…

  3. I think unleashing the dreaded Vegemite on a foodie will be the pivotal blow that turns the battle Tam’s way.

  4. Since tam’s Canadian, it’s genetically impossible for her to be mean to anyone. Canadians wouldn’t even want to hurt someone else’s feelings by beating them in a contest like this. So i was originally inclined to think paula might win by forfeit.

    But then I realized the vegemite is Tam’s secret weapon.

    Winner: Tam.


    1. Hey, I almost took out an entire pool party with that stuff. One old southern broad with a spatula, a tub of butter and a gallon of mayo will be no problem.

  5. Vegemite, the kid, the lion, the Canadian Mounties on her side…Tam wins. Hands down.

    Happy Birthday, Tam, eh?

    1. You are so odd Val. LOL I’d gladly send them to you. *shudder* I swear I nearly hyperventilated the other day and had to walk balanced on the raised edge of the sidewalk to avoid them. If I hadn’t been late I would have been tempted to walk around the whole damn building.

  6. You could make buckets of money by gathering up those worms, Tam. Vegemite is made of aged, mashed, and seasoned earthworms. No wonder it’s considered such a delicacy!

    BTW, if you say “aboot” instead of “about,” you sure as hell do have an accent.

    Happy Birthday!

    1. I do NOT say “aboot”. *pout* A boot is what you wear on your foot.

      Oh Kris is so going to kick your ass about the vegemite comment, but you may be correct.

      1. Tam actually doe not say aboot…believe I listened. But she does have that little ‘sing-song’ tone to her voice and she ends quite a few of her sentences, whether statements or questions, like they are a question. But then, both of those things I heard all over Toronto.

        It’s quite cute, i say.


  7. Of COURSE Tam for the win! It’s her birthday – duh. Now if it was Paula’s birthday there might have been a contest.

    Besides everyone knows that Lions beat Tigers!

  8. “Hated Foods: Anything white and creamy (except Brie)”

    O.o *bites tongue*

    I voted for Paula because of the total lack of appreciated for Australia’s finest culinary treasure that is vegemite. Also, I’m bringing vegemite to NYC with me in October. You’ve been warned.

    1. Yeah yeah. Just keep your filthy mind to yourself. 😛 If vegemite is the “finest” culinary treat you have down there, I’m concerned. I think Tim Tams and caremello koalas rank slightly higher on the scale of Australian things I’d like to put in my mouth. (yes, run with that Miss Perv).

      1. Tim Tams and Caramello Koalas are made out of vegemite. True story.

        “… on the scale of Australian things I’d like to put in my mouth…”

        You saw that thing at Juni’s about male kangas being known to suck themselves off, didn’t you. Now there’s inspiration for a werekanga story for you. 😛

          1. on the scale of Australian things I’d like to put in my mouth

            You make it so easy for us to think impure thoughts, Tam. Kris and I, we’re so innocent – you should force us into temptation!

  9. Oh, like this is a contest at all. Tam, hands down. Five minutes into the fight, Paula’s body of butter would melt and would be unable to fight.

  10. Oh, no! It’s on like Donkey Kong. Tam will be victorious. And by that I mean the winner, not that’s she’s some teeny-bopper from the Nickelodeon show, That’s Victorious.

  11. I was expecting to see Paula and Tam, both greased up with butter, like a pair of Turkish wrestlers. I guess I’ll have to use my imagination.
    In any case, Tam wins hands down. I voted for her like only 10 times.

    1. Thanks HatBoy. And seriously, you’d be blinded by images of the first. Truly. I like you more than that. Thanks for the votes.

  12. Paula Deen’s a diabetic now, so I’m sure Tam could take her down in no time flat. But in a very nice, Canadian sort of way.

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