How to make Cheesy Blasters

In the season four opening episode “Season Four,” Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy introduce viewers of 30 Rock to Cheesy Blasters, which are the number one food in all of America. Liz serenades the audience with their fictional catchphrase and an obsession was born. Most people would accept this as a normal television malarkey, but not Ty and I. We became obsessed. Those words became bible and we decided to create our own cheesy blasters. So from Liz Lemon’s immortal words, “take a hot dog, stuff it with some jack cheese, roll it in a pizza, you’ve got cheesy blasters” a new food obsession was born. We made Cheesy Blasters. Here’s how and how we felt about them.

8 oz grated Jack Cheese
8 Turkey dogs (for health reasons)
1 package Pillsbury Pizza Crust dough
1 jar Pizza style Tomato Sauce

1) Open your package of pizza dough. If you have chosen to make this from scratch you are pretentious and a loser, but you still rock for making Cheesy Blasters. Spread dough onto a 13″ by 18″ baking pan.

2) Open jar of Pizza Style tomato Sauce. Other sauce can be substituted if you take the time to adulterate it with spices and the like. Spread sauce on the top of pizza dough to make a layer of redness. Layer of redness is a technical pizza-making term.

3) Daintily sprinkle Jack Cheese atop of the tomato sauce. If you have not done this daintily, your end product will taste like crap. Please start over and do it more daintily.

4). Cut your crust/tomato sauce/cheese into 8 equal rectangular sections by first dividing in half once in the middle of the longest length and then in fourths on the width. Got that? Cuz we only kinda think it makes sense, ok? Go!

5) Place healthy Turkey-based meat products onto the end of each section and roll until dog is covered in bread, sauce and cheese. Repeat for each dog.

6) Place rolled dogs on baking sheet evenly spaced and bake for 15 to 20 minutes in a 425 degree oven.

7) Enjoy your Cheesy Blasters.

Ty and I found our experience making and eating Cheesy Blasters to be very enjoyable, but we did think that it wouldn’t hurt to double the cheese. Also, you could make several variations on the meal depending upon the type of dog or cheese you use. All of which are valid, but have their own gastrointestinal impact. In the end I found that the old saying was true: Cheesy Blasters in, cheesy blasters out. But you should draw your own conclusions.


19 thoughts on “How to make Cheesy Blasters”

  1. Actually, those look not bad. Great served at parties, funerals and retirement receptions. I suppose you could make them cocktail size by cutting the weenies in half. Well done guys.

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