Everything You’ve Been Searching For…

Ever since we’ve moved Cocky & Rude to WordPress.com, we’ve been able to track our visitors much easier.  The .com version of WordPress (as opposed to the .org version that you install on a website) automatically records all sorts of fun statistics and information about the people that visit our site.  And like most trackers, it gives us a list of the search terms that people are plugging into search engines to find their way to C&R.

Last week, Mush over at Goblinbox recorded all-time visitor highs when she wrote about Net Neutrality and Egypt.  Her post became the first result for people searching “egypt net neutrality” on Google, and the rest was history.  At C&R, our search topics aren’t … as classy.  Here are just a few of our most popular search topics from the last seven days…

“Biggest Cock”
I don’t believe we’ve ever blogged about the largest penis, but we are in the middle of a Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser contest.  I assume that the people who find their way to our site are probably a little disappointed.  We do our best to keep our site around a PG-13, so the odds of finding a photo of a giant penis are pretty slim.  But in the interest of giving the people what they want, I’ve done a little Googling myself, and found this on Oddee.com:

The official rank of the largest penis belongs to a man measured and documented by Dr. Robert Dickinson in the earlier part of the twentieth century. This record-holding penis was 13.5 inches (34 cm) in length and 6.25 inches (16 cm) in circumference. But the living owner of the world’s biggest human penis is Jonah Falcon. Falcon’s 13.5 inch member has been measured for a TV special, making him one of the few guys who can back up his bodily boasts. (source)

How Much Does the Stuffed Animal in the H&R Block Commercial Weigh
I have no idea.  And who cares?  Don’t you people have anything better to do?  Obviously these searchers are finding their way to Mikey’s Be Nice To Bunny post.  I was able to find that it is 16 feet tall.  Is that good enough for you?

“Tim Urban”
This barely talented American Idol cast-off from season 9 is always bringing people to C&R.  It’s been quite a while since we’ve even mentioned little Timmy, but I guess you’ve got to give the people what they want.  I did a little searching and found that Urban released a few songs on iTunes last November.  He’s also been auditioning for TV work, hasn’t gotten a haircut lately, and recently had his GPS stolen from his car.  How do I know this?  It seems that he recently started a really boring video blog on YouTube

and finally… “Leonardo DiCaprio Penis Boat”
Seriously?!  What is wrong with you people???  Okay, okay.  I’m not going to Google that one for you, because I have no idea what you’re even looking for.  Instead, I’ll do what Craig used to do with his search terms.  I’ll draw it!

Don’t you just feel complete, now that you’ve seen a Leonardo DiCaprio Penis Boat?  Me too!  Happy Monday, everybody!  And may your searching always lead you back to Cocky & Rude!


11 thoughts on “Everything You’ve Been Searching For…”

  1. Best penis boat ever. Love the little fishies jumping out of the water.

    13.5 is mutant. How can he walk with that thing? I’m betting it doesn’t even get properly hard otherwise he’d pass out from lack of blood in his brain. Give me average (or slightly above) any day.

  2. @Tam In the interview I saw with Jonah Falcon, he seemed very sad. Most people were only interested in him for the novelty of his freakishly large penis, and his romantic life was constrained by the fact that the majority of people find sex with him to be physically impossible.

    @Adam I never knew that I needed Leonardo DiCaprio Penis Boat, but my life is now complete.

  3. Cupcake, I saw that same interview and yes, he did seem really sad. And really, 13.5″? What the hell would you do with that? A penis boat on the other hand, that has all sorts of practical applications.

  4. I found Cocky&Rude in the first place by looking for Leonardo DiCaprio Penis Boat. I mean, who hasn’t googled that at some point in their lives? Or several times? Or several hundred times?


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