The Most Insane Time of the Year

Christmas shopping sucks. It is crowded, hot and everyone is on a mission of their very own. But there are some people that are just too much. On my annual Holiday shopping trip with friends yesterday I met one such person who just wasn’t in the spirit of the season. After all the shopping was done and I had to use a restroom, we stopped at one of kajillion Starbucks in New York city to use the facilities. When you are out and about in the city, there are very few places that have available bathrooms. Starbucks is just about the only place you can regularly rely on to have them. At the height of the holiday shopping season, they can have lines so long that they make you wish you were back in a hot over crowded stores. Yet you must accept that with patience you will get to the front of the line. One patron at the aforementioned Starbucks just couldn’t do that.

When I walked into the cafe, I immediately saw the line for the loo was twenty people long. I was mildly dismayed, but I really had to pee, so I decided to wait it out. Slowly but surely I would get to the head of the line and make it to the goal. My wait became far more entertaining when a woman walked in and was just astounded by the line. She just had to make everyone know how absurd it was. The line was so long that she said she would use the men’s room, but she was disgusted to find out that the bathroom is unisex. “That’s disgusting!!” she exclaimed, not realizing the irony after stating she would use the men’s room. Then she commented on everyone’s arrival. “Get in the line!” “yep it’s that long” Somehow this must have made her feel like she would be able to get to the bathroom more quickly. It didn’t. In fact, it made us all want to make her wait that much more miserable. When a man asked the head of the line if his octogenarian mother could cut ahead of them, our favorite patron announced “NOOOO! We ALL have to wait! I’m sick too, but no one is letting me go first!” Actually we weren’t letting her go first because she never even asked and frankly her displays of hostility were so appalling that no one would have shown her a lick of kindness.

When I was finally next in line, I over heard her say to the woman she was with “you go first. I’m not going in there after him.” I had not said a word to her. I had simply laughed at her behavior. I was tempted to make a mess of the bathroom just for her benefit, but frankly I wouldn’t subject the rest of the customers or the staff to that. I did decide that I couldn’t let the opportunity to say something to her go unused. On my way out, I took a moment to stop and look her straight in the eye. I opened my mouth and wished her a Merry Christmas. To her those were fighting words. To me it was just common decency.


9 thoughts on “The Most Insane Time of the Year”

  1. Ha! I would have said the same thing to her, kill them with kindness.
    Secondly, I have worked in establisments with public restrooms and I can tell you women are animals in public restrooms, seriously all that sould be in there are wood chips and a tampon dispenser. At lease men follow some rules in a public resstroom.

  2. A former coworker spent a summer working as a ranger in a national park, and one of her duties was cleaning the restrooms. She said the women’s restrooms were always worse to clean than the men’s. I don’t know if it’s because women get squicked about sitting on the seats and end up, ironically, leaving more upper deckers or what, but I think maybe I don’t really want to know.

  3. Hahahaha that’s why old people (with the exception of my grandparents) should all be put to death at 75.

    I went to a movie theater on Saturday morning to see Tron in Imax 3D. Their credit card system was down and an angry crowd of people stood at the service desk awaiting their turn to scream and yell about how they had purchased (no irretrievable) tickets online. One man started screaming at the little girl behind the counter “I HAVE A TRACKING NUMBER! DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF A TRACKING NUMBER?!?!?!?!” Finally they just let everyone through who claimed that they had purchased tickets. But I was left to wonder: would people behave like this if it wasn’t the holiday season? I think it’s often the case that the holidays bring out the very worst in people.

    OMG Justin-length comment (approx 4 inches).

  4. Wow, what a bitch. I hate people who come up with some kind of excuse like “I’m sick” to cut the line, which she obviously hoped to try. Sure long lines suck but hey, such is life.

    As for girls being dirtier than boys? Well I’m always extra careful to make sure I leave things clean and tidy behind me and I’ve heard people say that but at my work I’ve never noticed it. But I’ve never been in the boys room either. Maybe they are scrubbing the place down with cleansers and Mr. Clean erasers after every visit and it sparkles.

  5. After working three years at Borders, I can tell you Adam, that people are idiots all year long.

    One Friday night at borders, a woman told me and Ghostie there was a big mess in the ladies room. He and made sure it was empty and them went to check. The one stall had shit all over the toilet, the floor, the wall behind it, it was disGUSTing. It was like someone was going to sit down and the shit just SHOT out of them like from a cannon! And there was very little shit acutally IN the toilet.

    Luckily, since it was the ladies’ room, we couldn’t clean it up. A manager, Mama Kathy, did so…God bless her.


  6. That lady sounds like a nightmare. That was nice of you to wish her a merry Christmas.

    The messiest bathrooms I’ve ever seen belong to preschool boys. The urine goes everywhere but in the toilet.

  7. Well, Michelle M., it IS harder to arm when you’re standing up. Especially if you’re little and don’t have much experience aiming. 🙂


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