Holy F*ck! It's the Five

Welcome back to the Friday Five!!! After a month long hiatus in which Adam and I felt absolutely nothing important enough happened to make it onto the five, the ultimate list of awesome is back! Are you ready for all the super stuff we found out this week? Well I am! So here goes.

I must admit that the  first item on the list this week was getting on my nerves a day or so ago. How many times did we hear about Steven Slater‘s flametastic, Dolly Parton-Lily Tomlin-Jane Fonda-esque quitgasm? Only about three million, but then I found the video below. Every story becomes new again when retold through animation on a Hong Kong television news program.



All that talk of airplanes made me hungry. But what could possibly satiate me? OH I know! The amazing folks in our fast casual dining industry (featuring apostrophes) have developed two new entrees (one is only for kids…sorry Polt!) that will undoubtedly become a major part in America’s war against cholesterol (not to mention our very own Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser). Denny’s Fried Cheese Melt, which features fried breaded mozzarella sticks placed between bread with cheese and fried AGAIN, and Friendly’s Mac & Cheese Quesadilla, which is self-explanatory AND which made Adam say he would consider quitting his freakish vegan lifestyle, are my current culinary darlings. It is only a matter of time before all of our Five Star restaurants are serving variations on these but with more gourmet ingredients. Just imagine a pressed crusty baguette with panko dusted Gouda planks embedded in a creamy Fontina layer served with a fine Gazpacho! OOOOOOHHHHHH Yummy!

Destination Wedding!

After you have clogged your arteries, the only thing left to do is get married. And soon enough the homogays will be able to do just that in California (again!). Thanks to logic, reason and deft application of law and fact rather than lies and manipulation, Judge Vaughn Walker (anyone else think there will be a spike in gaybies of all genders being named Walker and Vaughn this year?) struck down California’s Proposition 8 and then struck down an attempt by h8ers to prevent the happily coupled same-sexies from getting married. This proves that the founding fathers were wise beyond their years when they set up three branches of government to monitor the behavior of the others.

While we are talking about gays and relationships, let us turn our attention to my co-blogger Adam. Adam and I met through the interwebs, which attempted to mate us for life. However, upon meeting Adam I realized he was really more of a friend than a lover (at least for me). I now know why. Earlier this week I was talking to him about romantic things boys can do. His response to all of them was to mock me and say “vomit” over and over again. This proves that Adam is “romantically repugnant.”  I’m grateful for that repugnance as it saved him the embarrassment of having me smack him when he teased me for saying something cute and in the end it gave me a much better friend than I probably deserve.

Speaking of things I deserve, I am going on a vacation. Again! Since I didn’t take much time off in the past year, I ended up with an insane amount of vacation time to burn before my work anniversary. I am also fortunate enough to have an amazing friend from high school who rented a beach house in North Carolina. So as of 5:45 pm today I am off to the Outerbanks via Philadelphia. Let’s hope I don’t come back looking too much like a lobster!

So there you have them friends: Slater, Cheesy goodness, California’s Successful Homosexual Agenda, Romantic Repugnance, and my vacation (the sequel). So tell us, what is your five? And fell free to say Cocky & Rude. Brownie points can always be cashed in at a later date.


22 thoughts on “Holy F*ck! It's the Five”

  1. I need Denny’s fried cheese melt immediately! It’s even served with a side of marinara sauce! Can you even imagine?!?!?!

    I don’t have a five. I’m an army of one.

  2. Awww. You’re so sweet. You’re going to find an equally romantic guy to marry in Cali in no time … named Walker …. who likes cheese …. in North Carolina. Wouldn’t that be freaky cool if it happened now? Ooooooohhhhhhh. It’s Friday the 13th, anything is possible. (And I think Enrico is sucking up to gets votes over at Craig’s. Naughty naughty.

    My five:

    1. Berries (yum)
    2. Winning free stuff on-line (books/poster/grab bag)
    3. The garbage men being late which means I didn’t miss pick-up this morning.

    I have no clue. First week back to work after vacation means that most good stuff is overshadowed by that. Have an super-fun vacation.

  3. Well hell, way to ruin my premonition. He can change his name. It’s not that expensive. Does he like cheese at least? Please god let him at least like cheese, otherwise ….

  4. @Tam he loves cheese! He’s total omnivore! I love cheese too much to date a vegan….i don’t think Adam was vegan when we met cuz i remember eating pizza, but that could be my wishful thinking

  5. @Craig. If Chelsea Clinton could have a vegan wedding cake you could too. Not that I’d EAT any of it. *Makes note: Pack own wedding cake when invited to Craig’s vegan wedding – slip pork chop in purse as well.*

    @Mikey Okay, I’ll start saving up for the cheese gift. Or maybe a cheese statue of the C&R chicken. (pst. I think it was soy cheese on that pizza.)

  6. @mikey Jokes on you! My pessimism and general disdain of happy couples is so great that my love-induced vomiting is comparable to the blood of the aliens in the Alien movies. Hence when you tried to deflect my vomit with your pitiful notebook, my vomit burned right through it, reached your arms, burned your arms off, and then you died. SEE WHERE LOVES GETS YOU!?!?!?!

  7. See, this post started all nice: Prop 8 got overturned, which was fantastic. Finding love is cool, I can even get behind romantically repugnant. But the fried cheese sandwich is a little too much for me and eating vomit out of the cheese, ugh.

    My five:

    1. Aphrodite by Kylie (thanks Steven!)
    2. Getting a ton of work done at home.
    3. The Debate with Craig, not to pimp him here, but it was a blast!

    Not too sure about the rest, the week at work was a bit of a bitch.

  8. Ya know, I don’t think there’s any comments left to make. We pretty much covered every topic from love to re-eating ones own vomit. I’ll move along now, clearly nothing to contribute here.


  9. 1) The joshrico debate on Puntabulous
    2) Steven Slater
    3) Goodbye Prop 8
    4) Beringer Zinfandel (I can’t tell cheap wine from the expensive)
    5) Catching up on all the tv I missed while on vacation.

    That cheese stuff is nasty.

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