OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG It’s Oscar Night! Are you excited? We’ve made our picks, now join us now as we LIVE BLOG the Academy Awards!! You can tune to the Academy Awards on ABC or watch it online at LiveStream.com. All you need to do is pound repeatedly on your REFRESH button to read all of our Cocky & Rude comments as they happen! Tonight’s Live Blog is moderated by Mike as he chats via IM with Adam. Stay tuned … anything could happen!
7:25 PM Eastern – Hey Everyone! Mike here…Just tuned into the E! Red Carpet show and we couldn’t help starting early. I mean…Kathryn Bigelow is HUGE. She dwarfed Ryan Seacrest! Oh and baby whore doll Miley Cyrus with her mom…did you see that?
7:32 PM Eastern – Did George Clooney & Queen Latifah come together? Does the Academy have a Beard Matching program now?
7:40 PM Eastern – Gabourey Sidibe just said “if fashion were porn, this dress would be the money shot!”
7:56 PM – Adam made fun of me for posting Eastern. Little does he know that I am watching the Oscars live from my private jet that is making random turns back and forth across the Eastern & Central Time Zones. I have done this to keep our readers on their toes.
7:o1 PM Central– Holy Shit! Kathy Ireland is alive! I thought she left her name to a furniture chain when she died.
8:07 PM – Adam wanted me to let you all know that Vera Farmiga, Best Supporting Actress Nominee for Up in the Air went to his high school. He is now distracted by Zac Effron….hmmmm
8:13 PM – Adam says that Morgan Freeman is 10,000 years old. I think that’s a bit of an exaggeration. He’s only 9,997 years old.
8:20 PM – Why does everyone want to jizz all over J.Lo’s dress? Is it because of her tasteful (and shocking) lack of T, A, and cooch? Adam says “no! because its big and absorbent. Like paper towels with a bow.”
8:28 PM – Okay…It is about to really get going! Adam and I are super excited!!! Can you feel it??? Well…anyway…Adam thinks that NPH is going to make an appearance! I think that I’m going to be disappointed…but that’s typical!
8:30 PM – Why are all the Best Actor & Actress nominees lined up like this? ummmm…wtf??? what was that? what the hell was that?
8:32 PM – NPH already stole the show.
7:40 PM Central – Adam fell asleep out of boredom. NPH set these guys up to suck.
8:46 pm – Adam says that Penelope Cruz looks like she has scoliosis. That or her dress is oddly crooked.
8:48 pm – Adam & I declare ourselves Masters of the Universe when we get the first award right as Christophe Waltz takes the stage for Inglourious Basterds.
8:52 pm – We are joined by fellow blog-artiste Josh from Josh is Trashy. He very aptly summarizes our feelings on the Ryan Reynolds presentation “UG BLIND SIDE BOOO FART”
8:59 pm – And Adam and I are two for two. Up just took home Best Animated Feature! Award is accepted by Lurch with a smaller head.
9:03 pm – Joining us from the comments is Tam. “Is that Amanda chick hoping to get married later? I swear that dress is from a wedding collection.”
9:04 pm – Three out of Three….yes, Adam and I are nerds. But nerds that pick the right movies! “The Weary Kind” wins Best Song!
9:13 pm – Tina Fey comes out with Robert Downey, Jr. who stumbled out of a showing of Avatar onto the stage still wearing his 3D glasses. Josh pipes up and tells us “HOLY SHIT I AM LEGIT BLOWING MY FUCKING TOP … HOLY GOD … MY PANTS ARE FILLED WIFF CHOWDA … AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME.” I think Robert Downey, Jr. has a fan.
9:14 pm – And the Original Screenplay Award goes to Mark Boal of The Hurt Locker! Death to Avatar! Avatar was not nominated, but I like to say it anyway.
9:15 pm – SHIT we have 28 comments and counting! We’re planning to live blog everything from now on.
9:28 pm – Crap…are we at the awards no one cares about already???? Short Film…boring
9:31 pm – Stupid Animated Short ruins my luck! Yay for Logorama though!!! Cut to Meryl Streep tweeking her nipple
8:33 pm Central – And Music by Prudence proves that accents can not get any respect in Hollywood.
9:36 pm – Adam and I both strike out as The New Tenants picks up the Best Live Action Short award.
9:40 pm – Ben Stiller, dressed like the offspring of Smurfette & Lt. Worf from “Star Trek: The Next Generation” presents the Best Makeup Award to Adam’s favorite movie of all time Star Trek. He rejoices…while I nap.
9:50 pm – And its looking it might be an Up in the Air shut out as Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire picks up Best Adapted Screenplay. Adam celebrated a bit too much and threw his tv down the stairs at a fat girl. I guess he’ll have to watch the webcast.
9:55 pm – Adam thinks Robin Williams must be on on drugs, because he’s NOT jumping around and making silly noises. Awww…he’s just being Robin, Adam!
9:59 pm – Mo’Nique picks up her Best Supporting Actress award. We are all thoroughly shocked, but not Adam. Adam just continues knitting.
10:07 pm – Sigourney Weaver arrives in a hideous red toga to present the Best Art Direction award. And Avatar finally wins a damn award.
10:10 pm – Tom Ford and ye old horse face arrive to present Best Costume Design. And the award goes to The Young Victoria…a period piece. Boring….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10:20 pm – Josh alerts us to the fact that “ew crackhead stewart and taylor pork roll…” have arrived to introduce a tribute to horror movies. He adds “okay so they show the two dead girls from the shining, the damn fake shark from jaws, that bitch from the ring and that haley joel anus from sixth sense…but where is CHRISTINE BROWN [feat. cursed fucking button]?! BULL. SHIT.”
10:25 pm – Another member of the Addams Family (see above re: Lurch) accepts an award. Go The Hurt Locker and Sound Editing. And the Addams Family picks up Sound Mixing for The Hurt Locker too!
10:32 pm – Okay…Yaz commercials??? gross. This pill may kill you, but you should take it anyway cuz well you are a young super model hot woman and its what you need!
10:36 pm – Some stupid brunette dressed in a gold dress came on stage to give the Cinematography award to Avatar. I can’t remember who she was, but I remember hating her stupid “make me look good” shtick.
10:40 pm – For once the production of “In Memoriam” was both classy and touching. Lovely song…sung by a lovely James Taylor. Stop crying, Adam…its going to be ok.
10:45 pm – Oh yay…just when we thought we were in the clear, JLo knocks Sam Worthington over with her bow and introduces interpretive dancers.
10:52 pm – And the hottest man of the night Sam Worthington (that scruff…those glasses…faints!) presents the Best Original Score to Michael Giachino of Up.
10:54 pm – Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper (what a combo…its getting really warm in here) step on stage to present the Best Visual Effects to Avatar!
11:01 pm – Matt Damon (wasn’t he cute once?) comes on stage to introduce Best Documentary Feature. The guy who accepted for The Cove is an actor I think I saw on LOST.
11:06 pm – Tyler Perry introduces the Best Editing award and shows us all why he won’t be asked back. However, I’m grateful that the names he read inside that envelope were from The Hurt Locker.
11:15 pm – The Tourism Board for Argentina just called me and asked me to headline their new campaign. I accepted, but only because I accurately predicted that El Secreto de Sus Ojos would win Best Foreign Language Film.
11:19 pm – Why did they choose one of the best actresses ever, Kathy Bates, to introduce one of my least favorite movies of the night??? Why? Why? Kathy grab your sledgehammer and head down to James Cameron’s seat in row 1.
11:28 pm – Ok. Does anyone else think this five stars standing up and serenading their colleagues is self-indulgent Hollywood crap?
11:31 pm – The divine Kate Winslet finally takes the stage to give the Best Actor award to Jeff Bridges. And I have to say, I do absolutely love how frequently Jeff Bridges can get away with using the word “man.” That deserves an award too.
10:42 pm Central – All Hail Queen Oprah!
11:47 pm – Sean Penn walks to the center of the stage and mumbles some stuff before re-announcing the Best Actress nominees. And “BARF VOMIT GROSS PUKE FART POO SPEW the awful Sandra Bullock just won Best Acrtess. What a tragedy. What a waste.” Thanks for summing that up for us, Adam.
11:53 pm – Barbra Streisand dressed like a grown up Annie Hall steps on stage to present the Best Director award. I think she got the honor because that whole brouhaha over The Prince of Tides. And finally Katheryn Bigelow takes home the prize.
11:58 pm – And out of the ten nominations (ok…Academy…dump this please…now!) The Hurt Locker wins.
So to sum things up, the show was long and kinda on the predictable side. I don’t think Adam and I were the only people who completely forgot that Steve Martin & Alec Baldwin were hosting…oh wait…did they? Well..they kinda sucked. And way to give the big guns to Neil Patrick Harris. I’m not complaining. He stole the show, but it was a really bad move for two old comedians who would obviously rather be under their slankets. Hopefully they’ll cut out the middle man next year and just give the hosting gig to NPH.
Thanks to the Academy for allowing us to make fun of them, but please reconsider this Sandra Bullock thing.
And most importantly many thanks to Josh and Tam for spending the evening with us and helping our comments reach the triple digits!!